Yummy mummy or scummy mummy?

[SweetRascal]

I look at other mums who look so well turned out, neat, tidy and manicured. I feel more like I've been dragged through a hedge backwards! It's not that I yearn to be a yummy mummy but I do wonder how and where they find the time. Or is that self care just a priority for them.

I definitely am more scummy mummy. I have a 1 and 4 year old. The 4 year old has sen. I work part time in education and have other family responsibilities.

I wash my hair twice a week. Give it a quick brush in the morning and that's it. I don't wear make up and wouldn't have the time tbh. The one year old likes to spread her food around so often I end up wearing it. I never wear matching socks. My clothes are years and years old. My skin is not great. Dry hands, ache rosacea.

It's not that I massively care about all these things. My children, dh, family, home, work, etc are my priorities and that's where my time goes. I'm just intrigued I guess how the yummy mummy's out there do it?

I am both at different times. Unwell DS, family stress or an awful week at work (teacher so let’s be honest that’s common) or time of the month and I think I’m fairly lack lustre but that’s because I’m emotionally or physically drained.

I rarely do make up but even if I do it’s minimal, however I shower daily and have nice clothes (lots from charity shops but still nice) and I think I look alright in general. I do know how to scrub up and sometimes bother to straighten my hair or put on a fancier dress, but honestly I just don’t think my looks are the be all and end all but being clean and not smelling is enough.

Definitely depends on your priorities.
I had three dcs who were close in age and still managed to put a bit of slap on because it was important to me .
I would just wake up a bit earlier and do my hair and makeup . Twenty minutes tops

Ugh. It's not a competition. Stop it with all the comparisons because one day you will realise none of it mattered.

It takes a few minutes to get washed and put make up on. Stop making out like women are losing precious sleep to do it.

All this, "frankly I wouldn't have time, I'm so slummy I wear odd socks" bullshit is just tiresome and a way of putting down other women.

This

@FleasNavidad said it perfectly.

Going back to another poster, men absolutely do this too! You see so many men now who want to look well groomed - smart clothes, trimmed beards, go to the gym, eat well and the hair! We have so many 'nice' barbers around us and they are always full.

This.

I used to see so much of this 'hilarious comparison / thinly veiled digs' on Facebook I stopped using it.

I have discovered a few ways to look less dishevelled, that don’t involve much time:

• wash hair and put straight into a plait when wet. Saves hair drying time and it dries looking quite neat (I have wild hair if just leaving to dry).
• Dove moisturiser with a hint of self tan in it ( can’t remember exact name but is in a bronze tube). It’s astonishing! Like wearing a nice light bronzer. No need for other make up then, just mascara and sorted.
• Botox a couple of times a year. Okay, this costs money. But it saves time and enables me to leave my skin make up free and not to bother buying any creams at all ( apart from the Dove one above). It really is a quick hack, for mr anyway, to look fresher faced and more groomed (and it doesn’t look plastic, unless you are aiming for that totally smooth shiny look and ask for it)

I think it is very hard to build a skin/hair care regime once you have small kids. I think I am usually well put together but I had cared a lot about it before kids and I built habits around it. I know what works for me in terms of make-up, skin and hair care, and I stick to it. It does not take me lot of time and I do things like skin care without even thinking about it.

If you really, really want to work on beauty regime start small - buy 2-3 hand creams and put them in places like bathroom, next to bed, handbag and apply often. Once you start applying cream automatically before going to be or after hand washing, add another product/habit to the routine.

Oh and I absolutely second self-tanning product, Tan Luxe with hyaluronic acid adds amazing glow to the skin and gets me through sleep regression every time ;).

It takes me ten minutes in the morning to put on some makeup and brush/do something with my hair, it's very rarely styled just tidy. I wash it twice a week too and certainly am not scummy and I very much doubt you are.

Agree with PP that being well presented and having a routine makes a huge difference to your mindset. I like to be ready for the day, and it motivates me.

Apply hand cream and moisturiser before bed, wash your face, don't get into bed until you've done this. It'll become routine and just that little bit of self care will go a long way. Also keep some in your work bag/desk/locker with lip balm etc.

With regards to wardrobe wear wear what you feel comfortable in, nobody sees your socks but for some people odd socks is a bit of a quirk so it just depends on your outlook.

I don't believe that people who look perfectly groomed on a daily basis fall out of bed like that, it takes time and effort to be flawless but you can find a middle ground that you can be happy with.

I've been into beauty and fashion since I was a young teen but since having a baby have had to find ways to build it into my routine, and streamline a lot.

Examples...

Try and do things whilst you're in the loo (seriously). When I go to the bathroom first thing in the morning, I'll wash my face and apply some moisturiser with SPF after I've washed my hands. I'll do my nighttime skincare routine anytime I'm in the bathroom after 6:30pm. It sounds silly but building it into something I have to do makes it feel like less of a chore.

Mascara takes seconds to apply but makes me look a lot brighter.

Dry shampoo is your friend. Its a blow dry in a can, even if (you're lazy like me) and let your hair dry naturally.

Casual clothes don't have to be slobby. Find a pair of jeans that flatter you (they don't have to be expensive, my favourites were £20 from Mango),but a couple of pairs and pair with basic tops in neutral colours so you can mix and match.

Im low maintence.

It doesnt take much to get a moisturiser and wack it on occasionally, I keep mine next to the deoderant/perfume which is under the mirror where my hair brush and bobbles are. I use the same one for hands, face, arms etc...

Just buy all matching socks... honestly what adults are still wearing non matching pairs?

TBF I think most parents at school look fairly equal regardless of make up or not.

This is when you switch to black socks and then it never matters if they aren't paired up ;)

I make myself and my appearance high on my priority list. I'm always clean, clean clothes and hair included. I don't leave the kid's food on me. I wear makeup every day but sometimes do the school run without any on in the morning but I wash my face and make my hair neat ish at least. Clean clothes every day, nice looking every day coat and scarf to chuck on and proper shoes or boots.
It's not about if you look polished or if you're wearing new clothes and a layer of makeup, it's more about if you're taking care of yourself. If you can't even put some hand cream on before you leave the house you need to change something to make time for yourself

I remember constantly having to stand at the door bored whilst my mother put on her lipstick and concealer. Unsurprisingly make up has never been an interest of mine.

why does it have to be extremes? I’m neither but I make a small effort which includes around 2 min everyday to put on a bit of makeup

I think some of it is down to luck. My friend has gorgeous hair and it always looks nice without having to do anything with it other than wash it. Style also comes easier to some people, one good piece of advice is to have clothes that all go together. As far as the socks go I used to buy multipacks of black socks.

Clean. Decent clothes. Good skin. Slim. All you need - I haven't bothered with make up except when going out for drinks / dinner since having my two year old. Dermatica are good for skin care or The Ordinary. Affordable and make a big difference.

Eating a healthy diet with not too much sugar or caffeine and regular exercise (walking, yoga, running, swimming, whatever suits you) will make a big difference to how you look.

I don’t really get this, someone on the school run snidely asked me how I have the time to bother every morning, it’s really not hard:

• kids and my clothes out the night before, kids wake up and get themselves dressed
• DP goes down with them and gives them breakfast while I do my hair/makeup (around 25 mins)
• we all do teeth, pack bags and go.

we wake up at around 7.30 and get to school at 8.30. Then onto work.

When he’s not here, I do breakfast and it takes maybe an extra 5 minutes?

It doesn’t take long to get ready, surely we’ve all been doing it since we were teenagers rushing getting ready for school.

Personally I’ve never left the house without makeup/hair done/decent clothes, I don’t judge anyone who doesn’t. But I am confused by people who assume I’m waking up at the crack of dawn/prioritising it above all else. It was harder when they were babies, but from around 3 they can dress themselves.

If you want to look more polished, do your eyebrows, wax the tash, do your nails, wash your hair regularly and use some hair oil, YouTube quick easy nice hair styles and practice them and practice doing quick makeup. Don’t leave the house in pjs/trackies or throw on any old coat and grotty trainers. If you get food/a stain then change or cover it with a coat etc.

Neither? I’m not edible and I don’t go around calling people ‘scum’.

I think there’s more to it than priorities - some people find grooming and self care easy, and some derive a satisfaction and pleasure from it. If it’s neither easy, and not refilling your energy tank, then it’s very hard to prioritise when you have small children or other huge energy demands going on.

It’s ok to tend a bit towards scruffy. The name calling doesn’t serve any of us though.

the only one thing I would say that whilst there is nothing wrong with wanting to look polished/well groomed not everything sees it as the "look" to aspire too. It's not my style at all doesn't mean I look like a unkempt mess who doesn't care though.

everyone not everything

I always wear makeup and clean clothes and have clean and presentable hair
Yes I might have crocs on but equally could have a dress on.
I wear a lot of yoga leggings and leisure type plain navy or black type of yoga tracksuit things
I wouldn't go out without makeup on to the school or shop etc

I am 30 and have three kids

@Pantsonthedrier
Me too, agree with being slim
I still wear clothes from before my son, 6, was made!!
I don't want to let myself go. I would feel even more insecure and worried

It's also unfair on your partner
It doesn't mean I'm shallow to want to groom!