Don’t really want or need a job, but others make me feel bad, so thinking of pretending I have one that’s working from home

[Redrobinbobbing]

dc at school
health issues
dh works long hours and all sorts of hours

ueybithers the At have loads of extended family support make comments to me that are clearly judging me for not working

I’m actually thinking of pretending I have a job
a working from home job or starting my own business

If that would make you feel better and make them get off your back, then go for it. You're not hurting anyone.

Guess it’s easier these days to have a fake job as it’s not unusual to work from home since covid

Yep - go for it. It's really not that important and If people are making it an issue I'd definitely make one up! Mention a few work buzz words and then move on to more interesting topics.

Who cares what other people think? They are underplaying the fact that your contribution to family has enabled your DH to do all those extra hours to allow you to have a good standard of life. That’s your ‘job’ and a very important one
too.

I wouldn't lie. If you lie, you end up involving your whole family in the lie. Your DH will have to back you up by lying, as will your DC eventually. It's an awful example to set them.

And who gives a shit what other people think?

I do this, i don't work due to a disability and when random people ask me I just say i have a wfh admin type job, just avoids all the judgement or the my second cousin twice removed has that and works 5 jobs, well good for her 🤷‍♀️

The thing is it starts with ‘oh yeah I work from home’ and it then spirals - more questions which you will have to answer, offers to connect you with someone they know who does similar..and before you know it - it’s something that gives you more of a headache than just saying the truth.

If they are being judgey it is pure jealousy and projection and so I suggest you either ignore them or really give them something to be jealous about with reference to your lie-ins and coffee mornings 😂

Fair chance they're not judging you. It's natural to ask someone what they do as a conversation starter, then normal to be fascinated by what someone with heaps of spare time does with it.

No harm at all in pretending you have a job but make it as simple as possible. No employer or colleagues, you're self employed doing day-trading/Web design/ copy writing/research etc.

I wouldn’t lie. That’s even worse.

I did it. I volunteered (two half days at school and I’ve in a charity shop) but also said I did my husbands paperwork, as I was getting a lot of pressure to do more. My husband does a normal office job for a company, so doesn’t need my help, but no one questioned it.

now I do actually have my own business and work from home!

But you do have a job - looking after your home and your often unwell DC.
There is dignity and hard work there.
Its unpaid and undervalued but be proud of what you do.

The one thing you mention to someone with some vague buzzwords you can guarantee someone else will say 'Oh same line of work as me, are you doing/getting/working with xxxxx'

Busted!

Dont make things up, you have no reason to. Its no one elses business if you work or not.

Go for it! I think you should make it your mission to create a whole storyline around it, with names, characters, subplots etc. remember to write them all down though!

Oh it’s not the dcs that are poorly thankfully
it’s me
and it’s nothing that serious but I’d end up taking a lot of time off and just be something else to feel bad about being off work sick a lot

Stuff em. We got it wrong in this country ,'what do you do?' Should be answered with details about hobbies and interests not a job.

I don't see the benefit of lying instead put your energy into not caring what they think.

Don't they understand your illness?

You're an author aren't you OP? I've been writing a novel for years, but I keep getting writers block, it will be published one day though...

I really wouldn’t. It will get complicated and you’ll forget what you said to whom. I know very few SAHPs and I am one myself. I do often find myself justifying by saying that with my DH’s working hours and school runs abd holidays it just doesn’t work for us as a family for me to be working. It’s no one’s business. They don’t have to live your life. And if they’re judging you they aren’t people you want to be friends with.

I agree!!

I guess it so people can judge someone quickly

I’d ask them if they were offering childcare for each time the kids are off sick, teacher training days and other random days school closes, 13 weeks holiday a year, before and after school clubs…

I think I’d be better off saying i do something crafty as I don’t think I could pull off I’m an author

I don’t really mention it much to others
you know that you see in passing etc

it’s not that visible

What is annoying is when it’s the ones with all the extended family support
like the gran does 3/4 days of childcare every week

these seem to be the same ones that judge the most