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Original poster

Breastfeeding in front of my parents

107 replies

Squiff70 · 18/12/2022 08:04

Tell me I'm being stupid.

My son is 4 months old and breast fed. My parents will be with us for Christnas and I really don't want to have to leave the comfort of my own living room and family every time he's hungry.

I've never had a problem breastfeeding in public but manage to do it discreetly. I'm still at the stage though that at times I need to see what in doing to get him to have a good latch.

I feel awkward breastfeeding in front of my parents. Well, my dad. They haven't met their grandson yet so never seen me breastfeed. I realise this is entirely my issue but how can I get over this hurdle?

OP posts:

vivaespanaole · 18/12/2022 08:23

None of my family were bothered. I did once have an uncle who walked in the room when i was feeding and reacted like he had been shot. I just found it amusing. He was very apologetic and backed away (no need). He had four kids!

See how you feel. They are your parents and it may feel very natural. It may feel weird. Don't over think it. People have offered some great options here.

espresso14 · 18/12/2022 08:24

You're not being stupid,if baby takes a long time to feed, I wouldn't leave the room as that also gets awkward if you're away too long. I would make sure you always have a large muslin with you for you to latch on. If baby falls asleep on you whilst feeding, bear in mind of you're in a different room, this then gets awkward, as you get stuck there. You could also encourage them to go out for a walk, help with dinner etc if you're settling down for a big feed.

Ringmaster27 · 18/12/2022 08:25

I would just say “oh she’s hungry”…and in the early days, my dad would find a reason to leave the room. But as time went on (i breastfed my youngest for 2 and a half years), it just became normal. Everyone just accepted that if they were going to spend time with me and the DCs, then in all likelihood they’re going to see a flash of a boob every now and again 🤷🏻‍♀️😂 Even my dad gradually got more on board with the idea that a boob being used to feed a baby is not the same thing as a boob in a sexual sense.

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GroggyLegs · 18/12/2022 08:26

I just did it.

However, in the full-on whirl of Christmas day, you may welcome an excuse to escape for a few quiet minutes & a lie down!

BuffaloCauliflower · 18/12/2022 08:26

@weinerdog why should she have to leave the room? It’s a baby eating

BuffaloCauliflower · 18/12/2022 08:30

@quietnightmare I feel like this sort of thing actually attracts way more attention to what you’re doing than just discretely popping a boob through your clothes

HippeePrincess · 18/12/2022 08:30

I just did it, you can’t really see anything anyway unless you’re trying to look.
FIL felt uncomfortable to start with and left when I fed my first but I said you’ll be leaving the room constantly and never seeing us if you get up every time we feed so he had to get over himself.

Oddsocks55 · 18/12/2022 08:31

I understand, it can feel more awkward in front of family members than strangers! I wore a vest top underneath my normal top, would pull my top up and vest down a bit and feed the baby. And honestly, people didn't have a clue a lot of the time, and certainly couldn't see anything :) have a lovely first christmas with your baby

Tryfull · 18/12/2022 08:32

I did it everywhere, in front of my Dad and brother, in church, in cafes etc. Not going to stop my life every time the baby is hungry!

PinkDaffodil2 · 18/12/2022 08:37

My FIL came to visit in hospital the day after my first was born - you can imagine how we were just getting the hang of feeding, taking ages to find a latch etc. He’s quite awkward about these things and certainly made some comment and looked a bit uncomfortable, but after that was absolutely fine (fed for over 2 years!).
At 4 months I’m sure you’re much smoother at latching etc now so I’d just crack on, your Dad can go make you a cup of tea if he’s uncomfortable.

Noln · 18/12/2022 08:38

The only way to get past the hurdle is to just do it, then you will be past the hurdle. Don't leave the room, a friend of mine did this and now feels quite isolated as it feels expected she will do this now.

I used to wear a strappy vest (the kind with adjustable spaghetti straps) under my top so that I could pull that down and pull my top up so very little is exposed. You could also maybe have a muslin over your shoulder sort of hanging down your chest so that blocks the view too.

But honestly, hold in mind you're feeding your baby, you're not doing anything to be uncomfortable about. You are using your body exactly the way it has evolved to be used, and that's much harder in modern society so the only emotions that deserves to be attached to it are happiness/pride! Sometimes what can help, in all of life I find, is name what's going on. When we sit and pretend we don't feel anxious/nervous and they gaze into the middle distance etc there's a big elephant in the room. You can say when he needs a feed, 'I don't want anyone to leave the room because I want to get used to it but gotta say I feel quite nervous!' it'll probably break the tension.

I squirted milk onto my father in laws bare leg (he was wearing shorts) when my son was a few weeks old and suddenly pulled off the way they do. Neither of us said a word 😂I'm sure it won't be worse than that haha

RTHJ14 · 18/12/2022 08:40

I felt like this initially with my FIL, and he’d leave the room or I did… for a few weeks… I ended up breastfeeding in total for about 7 years (not the same child 🤣) so I think we relaxed and realised we just had to get used to it otherwise we’d be like a revolving door! Get a muslin, turn your back to latch, and se how it goes. I ended up in hospital multiple times during my pregnancies and he’s seen me in all sort of states… and he’s not even my dad! Xx

Letstakeitbacktothenineties · 18/12/2022 08:40

My parents came to stay for 2 weeks after Dd was born, I used to sit on the sofa with a blanket tight over her so nothing could be seen. I also noticed my dad sort of made himself scarce-went upstairs or into the garden. I breastfed her to sleep on the sofa in the evenings and through out the day so I didn’t want to keep going upstairs. I did find it all very uncomfortable though

CatchHimDerry · 18/12/2022 08:44

We took baby to stay abroad with DDad when he was 8 weeks, so still in feeding all the time territory, and it’s a hot country so even more feeds than usual.

Ddad and I very open in general.

At first I was a bit like “oh will he be uncomfortable” but just got on with it, Muslin around neck etc.
He just used to joke like how is this child starving again as he’d feed so much.

Nobody batted an eyelid though, nor does my brother or anybody else family or friends.

It’s just a natural thing, no need for anyone to be ashamed or embarrassed.

inappropriateraspberry · 18/12/2022 08:44

I found my dad would usually move seats, find a job to do or offer to make me a cup of tea when I started feeding in front of him! I wasn't bothered but I think he wasn't quite sure what to do with himself.
There were odd times when he'd walk in and not even realise I was feeding until I'd finished.
I'd just get on with it and if he feels awkward he can leave the room, don't make yourself uncomfortable.

saraclara · 18/12/2022 08:45

I think the more you drape yourself in stuff, the more attention you bring to yourself. But of course boob size had a lot to do with how easily and discreetly one can breast feed. I'm fairly average of boob, my SIL found it harder being more generously endowed, and used a blanket.

But yep, I remember being initially self conscious when my FIL was visiting for the first time, but a big sweatshirt with a cami underneath made it a non-issue.

I like the idea of just saying."dad, could you just put the kettle on while I get baby attached?"

MusicstillonMTV · 18/12/2022 08:47

I just went for it. My dad comes from a large family so I doubt it was the first time he had seen it!

Hungrycaterpillarsmummy · 18/12/2022 08:49

I remember feeling this when but actually my dad was ok. He's just be like "oh baby is feeding" and he'd just watch the TV, he never looked.

He would ask the baby if that was nice after he'd finished feeding lol.
And my husband's dad was fine too, he just made tea or just knew not to look at me really.
I definitely overthought it but people sort of go out of their way not to look
And I have huge boobs. If you have a feeding bra, then a loose vest then your top you can feed the baby but very little breast showing actually

Pawtucketbrew · 18/12/2022 08:49

I just cracked on. BF Infront of FIL and even vicar when he came to discuss christening. It's completely natural. If you feel uncomfortable just cover baby with a loose scarf. The less you worry about it the less people will even notice. You'll be fine

sleepwhenyouaredead · 18/12/2022 08:50

My parents were fine ( and we saw more of them) but my FILs used to say 'it's all set up in the spare room if you want to feed the baby' if we visited.
My DIL feeds the baby in front of both myself and DH - nobody bats an eyelid

Hugasauras · 18/12/2022 08:50

I felt a bit funny for a few seconds when I breastfed DD in front of my dad, who is awkward at the best of times, and my 90yo granny. And then my gran piped up with 'Ooh yes I fed all of mine myself, so convenient!' and my dad didn't bat an eyelid!

Elmo230885 · 18/12/2022 08:50

My dad felt a tad uncomfortable but he soon got used to it. I just never made a deal about it.

inappropriateraspberry · 18/12/2022 08:54

sleepwhenyouaredead · 18/12/2022 08:50

Rid have just said 'I'm fine here thanks.' And cracked on with it!

Stupidbonfire · 18/12/2022 08:55

Practice breastfeeding in public places. Once you do it a few times you’ll realise no one looks are cares. And unless your dad has some strange issues or something he’ll be just the same. I doubt you’re the first breastfeeding women he’s encountered and he’ll just carry on doing whatever he was doing like everyone else does.
were you breastfed or do you parents have strong ‘options’ against it?

for what it’s worth, I breastfed until DD was 2 when she self weaned. I fed her everywhere and anywhere in front of anybody. And never once did I have a negative comment. Mostly no one noticed or cared, and at the most I’d get kindly smiles from older ladies (reminiscing), teenage boys used to smile sweetly (not in a creepy way, more like ooh cute baby like my little sister) and woke hipster men used to bring me water in cafes (well trained). Everyone else just carried on as normal. So maybe get some practice in public, then by the time your parents come it will be second nature.
good luck and congratulations on your baby

rosemarysalter · 18/12/2022 08:58

When baby was born my mum helped me
Latch. I really struggled until she helped me
Find my way

I think dad probably mumbled and coughed and left the room

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