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Original poster

How old would you let your kids go out to play alone?

64 replies

Soubriquet · 15/12/2022 11:05

I was thinking about this the other day. I remember as a kid being out all the time. I would walk to my nans house who was a 20 min walk away whilst I was still in single digits.

Yet, I’m not comfortable letting my 7 and 9 year old walk to school alone or go to the park. Both a 15-20 walk away. With one road to cross that gets a maximum of 20 cars a day going down it.

We literally live in the middle of no where and I still don’t feel safe letting them wander like I did.

I know we are a lot more clued up now than we used to be…but what changed really? Why have we now accepted that kids can’t go out on their own to learn their own independence?

Years ago, we didn’t have phones. It was come home when the lights go on.

OP posts:

Oakbeam · 15/12/2022 11:09

Hard to believe, but we were turned loose at around four. It was always in the company of other children of varying ages. I remember one friend always had her sister with her who must have been three when she started coming out to play with us.

Bluebellsand · 15/12/2022 11:12

I don't know what happened, but I personally feel comfortable letting my 9yr go to school by himself, but dh don't want that.
Dm when I sent my 9yr to pick her up from the train station that could be viewed from my house. She got very worried and made me promise not to do it again. Yes, he had to cross one main road but he used the pedestrian crossing. There is a traffic light there! He is also very tall for his age.

Original poster

Soubriquet · 15/12/2022 11:13

I don’t think it helps that schools now won’t release the children without adult supervision until year 6.

And even then, they need written consent from the parents.

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Families

stayathomer · 15/12/2022 11:17

I’m always so torn on this, because we live in the country the kids don’t have a lot of freedom and I look at Children on their way to school and think it’s great they’re so savvy but then I’ve seen them messing near the road or running across the road, or their bikes veering away from the path and then in the same breath I’m thinking’how are they let out on their own?!’ I’ve also had to pull over once, ready to step in because I saw a group of older boys looking at 2 young kids walking along. Nothing happened so then I was back to ‘maybe they’re in a better place than my kids!’

Ihatethenewlook · 15/12/2022 11:20

My youngest has been playing out since about 3/4. We live on a green though that is full of nice kids and neighbours who watch them like hawks, I’m in my front garden whenever the weather is nice so it’s me doing the majority of childcare for usually 5-15 kids. He’s 6 now and is hardly ever in the house.

GoingtotheWinchester · 15/12/2022 11:23

We’re not a lot more clued up, we’re sadly just far more over protective and we do our kids no favours in the process.

both my DC are at secondary and I’m horrified by the number of parents who still drive their kids to the door. Not healthy on so many levels.

FTY765 · 15/12/2022 11:46

I was definitely under 7, but there was always a crowd of us (siblings, sometimes cousins, neighbours etc) and there was a park opposite our house with no road to cross as such as it was a dead end so you could go round by the pavement.
We quite often put ourselves in silly situations to be honest, but nothing really happened to us.
However, like you, I wouldn't like my own children to be out playing unsupervised at age 6 or 7!
Also, wherever in town, I'd know that one of my mums friends lived reasonably close to wherever I might be if I needed help (and they were mostly SAHM, so would likely be in)

gliiterryballs · 15/12/2022 11:50

both my DC are at secondary and I’m horrified by the number of parents who still drive their kids to the door. Not healthy on so many levels.

I had to drive one of mine starting when she was in 3rd year. She had been off for months with a virus and then phased return but she had chronic fatigue for about 5 years after it. Walking to school would have left her too exhausted for the school day.

I guess if you saw me you would happily make your judgment about how 'unhealthy' it was. Ironic considering it was the exact opposite.

gliiterryballs · 15/12/2022 11:51

Posted too soon. That same child had actually played out with friends from about 8 years old.

Stressfordays · 15/12/2022 11:56

Mine (7 and 10) can ride their bikes up and down the quiet cul de sac or play football at the end of it. 10 year old got a phone for his birthday and he is now allowed to walk to the local park (short walk away) to play with friends. I live a in a little village in the countryside so all feels safe.

Icecreamandapplepie · 15/12/2022 11:59

We let ours start playing outside our house on their scooters etc (cul de sac) from 4, 5 and 7.
We let them walk to the small park up the road from us (no roads to cross) for a ten minute play before we walked up to join them a few minutes later when they were 5, 7 and 8. But... we did have kittens and regret that decision after a couple of times so stopped!

I reckon we will let then go that park alone for an hour or so when they're 7, 9 and 10.

It's so hard isn't it? And you feel judged whatever you decide

Helpmesortit · 15/12/2022 12:00

We live rurally so playing out isn’t really an option, nor is walking to school. Dd 9.5 did walk around the corner to her friends house the other day though, that was about 300 yards away.

Atmywitsend29 · 15/12/2022 12:06

My son's being going out to play since he was 7.
We live in a village cul de sac, there's a green opposite and his best friend lives in one of the houses on the green. Occasionally they venture into the small wooded area at the back of the small green but they don't go any further. And he knows not to wander off anywhere else.
He's very good, and will come home and check in and ask if he can go and knock for another friend who lives a few streets away.
He also knows that if he ever broke the rules in place, he loses that privilege for a time.

He's 9 now and walks himself to and from the village primary school. He has a mobile phone, and his own door key.

Think people need to bear in mind everyone has different lives and live in wildly different areas.
If we still lived in a town centre, he wouldn't be doing any of these things.

usernotfound0000 · 15/12/2022 12:07

We started letting our 7 year old play out this summer. But we live on a smallish new build estate. She is only allowed to go to friends who live on the estate so no roads to cross etc. And she has to come and tell us who's garden or house she is in, they don't just play on the street.

Tdcp · 15/12/2022 12:11

I was talking about this the other day. At age 6 I was out from morning until the street lights came on.. in London.

The thing is though, there were always loads of us, we were a gang of kids ranging in age from teenagers to 4 ish and if we weren't with anyone else there was always a lot of other kids out at the same time so there was always "eyes" around. It's not like that now, no one is out, other kids aren't out. If the kids are out on their own they're alone now.

Eatentoomanyroses · 15/12/2022 12:17

Where I live you will occasionally see a few year 6 children at the park or in town after school
but not many. Go a few miles away though into a more deprived area and you’ll see lots of young kids wandering the streets in the dark.

justasoul · 15/12/2022 12:18

Totally unsupervised from about 7/8. Never alone though, the rule was always they need to be with at least one friend.

I do occasionally drive them to (secondary) school though. No direct public transport route so if they miss the school bus they need a lift - school is 10 miles away.

Whoneedsleep · 15/12/2022 12:20

My DS is 6.5 and will not be playing out any time soon. It’s not worth the risk.
I live in a nice enough area and it’s very rare to see a child out unaccompanied.

In the town centre there’s loads hanging about causing trouble though, probably aged about 5 and up!

MakeWayMoana · 15/12/2022 12:22

Our junior school releases kids on their own from year 3 with parents permission. My year 5 walks home on his own 2 days a week when I don’t have to pick his little sister up (about a mile).

I live on a cul de sac and we have about 10 kids who regularly play out together, ranging from about age 6-12 - it’s really lovely actually, I worried when my kids were younger that ‘times have changed’ etc but actually they play out all day in the holidays, it’s great.

33goingon64 · 15/12/2022 12:28

School lets pupils walk in and home alone from year 5, so age 9. Once DS got a phone at 11 he can go anywhere within the village as long as I know he's gone and he comes back at the agreed time. Ds2 is 7 and he walks (or rather runs) up and down the road we live on doing errands when I ask him e.g. returning something to a neighbour.

Season0fTheWitch · 15/12/2022 12:55

DD5 is allowed to play in the front garden with her friend and sometimes I walk them up the lane so they can play in friend's front garden but they're not allowed in the street alone (small country lane in the middle of nowhere with only 3 houses surrounded by woodland!) When she's secondary school age we'll allow her to walk to the bus stop as I can see it from a bedroom window, but no further than that as it's a very rural area surrounding us. If we were on a normal road, maybe I'd let her out to play in a couple of years.

GoingtotheWinchester · 15/12/2022 13:01

@gliiterryballs of course - all the kids I see are in that exact situation. Silly me 🙄.

123woop · 15/12/2022 13:31

I think it depends child to child and also where you live. I couldn't "play out" as a kid as we lived near one of the most dangerous roads in Britain 😂 and also a little kid was kidnapped near my grandparents house, a local man was thought to be the perpetrator but they never found him, so I couldn't play out there either 😬

That said, some of my friend's kids I'd have no issue with them playing out or going out shopping etc from being 8 or 9! And some of them I wouldn't trust at 15 🤣

Biscuits1011 · 15/12/2022 13:35

Soubriquet · 15/12/2022 11:13

I don’t think it helps that schools now won’t release the children without adult supervision until year 6.

And even then, they need written consent from the parents.

The school here is from year 3… so 7-8 year olds can leave without a parent.

I let my 9 year old out on his own. He has a phone. I was always allowed out before the age of 10 on my own without a phone… not ready to let my 8 year old out yet, but it much depends on the child I think. Some 8 year olds are going to be mature enough, some 11 year olds arnt..

FourChimneys · 15/12/2022 13:41

I was out in a group of siblings and neighbours from about age 4. We used to roam for hours. DM once said "I always knew where you were" which wasn't actually the case. We had a couple of lucky escapes, one involving a river and one where a girl's skirt caught fire but I don't think the adults ever knew.

My DC were out with friends on the green at about 6.

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