How old would you let your kids go out to play alone?

[Soubriquet]

I was thinking about this the other day. I remember as a kid being out all the time. I would walk to my nans house who was a 20 min walk away whilst I was still in single digits.

Yet, I’m not comfortable letting my 7 and 9 year old walk to school alone or go to the park. Both a 15-20 walk away. With one road to cross that gets a maximum of 20 cars a day going down it.

We literally live in the middle of no where and I still don’t feel safe letting them wander like I did.

I know we are a lot more clued up now than we used to be…but what changed really? Why have we now accepted that kids can’t go out on their own to learn their own independence?

Years ago, we didn’t have phones. It was come home when the lights go on.

We do live in a safe rural community though. If we lived in a city my view would be different I think

This always pops up on these threads, people say it’s OK because they live in a safe village. So I am not trying to jump on you specifically.

But there have been quite a few cases of children - and women - being hurt or killed in the safe rural or affluent suburbs they were from.

People always go out of their way to say how rare it is that this happens and it is, but even so, it used to be far more frequent.

Mine are 7 and 9 and started to play out alone last year, only at our caravan though and they have a strict rules that they stick together and don't go off with any adults even if they know them.

I do worry about them and the 9 year old has a phone that she's allowed to use there purely so we can always contact each other.

It is really hard to give them the freedom but they absolutely love it.

The recent deaths of 4 children aged 6 to 11 in Solihull is one the reasons why I wouldn't let me child go out unsupervised for quite some time... Call me overprotective 🤔

My batshit neighbour screamed at me saying that it was a safeguarding risk that my DC were playing on the street right out the front of our house when they were 8 & 5 and I was sitting on the doorstep supervising.

As a child in the 70s, I went out from 7. We had moved, and we were allowed into the car park by the garden. Very few people had cars on our estate, and those who did were at work during the day, so safe to play in. By 10 I was catching a bus into town with my friends. I was out on my bike all day, taking a picnic on a nice day. By 12, cycling the 10 miles to a small town nearby along country roads.

My DC now in their 30s, played by the house from 5 or 6, with me in the back garden to keep an eye on them. Very rural with woods behind the house and fields by the sides. We then moved, so it was curtailed until they were 8. They then walked to the shop, which was a short walk away. The first couple of times, I rang a friend who lived opposite the shop, and she checked out her window that they crossed safely.

My DGC seem to be accompanied by their mum, other gran or aunty at all times. They don't seem to be very streetwise at all.
Traffic would be my biggest worry these days. Do schools do road safety lessons these days? I remember police doing lessons in the playground in the 70s. We had trikes, bikes, and scooters, and they marked out roadways to practice.

Kids have instant communication these days, so if it's not dangerous traffic areas, kids should have more freedom, not less really, but that doesn't seem to be the case.

We're in a small village in rural N Wales & when DD was small, there was a decent sized group of kids, all about the same age. She used to walk up the hill to her best friend's house (about 100 metres really) from aged 5 but I could watch from our bedroom window. That said, the first time she actually played out, I stood behind the curtains at that same window for 20 minutes 😹 - again, she must have been ~5, and knew to stay on the little green bit out front. She and her friends used to walk to the park from age 6; it's about 1/4 mile. But we had friends all along the route & the kids all knew who they could go to if they needed to. When she was in yr5 / 6 she started wanting to go 'to town' with her friends - so the mums took it in turn, taking up residence in pairs in one of the coffee shops while DD and her friends had a measure of freedom. I had far, far more, growing up in the 70s and 80s but times do change.

I think it's a matter of personal judgment. You know your area and your child - so work with that. Maybe get to know the parents of some of their friends and work together - that way you all get some peace of mind, and the children start to build some independence, albeit supervised!

Good luck

I used to walk home alone once a week when I was in year three. I usually walked with a neighbour but there was one day a week they couldn't do. I have no idea why, but I never told my parents so they had no idea I was walking home by myself. They never would have let me!

It’s impossible for people to say when you should let your children do things. It totally depends on where you live and your children.

I could have let DD1 out to play alone at 3 (I didn’t!) as she was always a very sensible, cautious and reliable child. Her twin sister still worries me (and her) in their mid 20’s because she’s so so so easily distracted!

Children in our street play out from 6/7. It’s a very safe street, no through traffic, very little traffic at all and everyone’s windows look out onto the street. It’s also the kind of street where anyone would shout out to the children if they were doing something risky/silly.

Also on the point about schools - schools don’t actually have the authority to set a specific age to release children home.
if a parent gives written notice that their child is to walk home and the school think it’s overly dangerous they can contact social services, but in 20 years working in schools I’ve only seen 1 instance where the school haven’t had to accept that it’s not their decision to make - it’s the parents.

2 of my mothers friends were killed as kids in the 60s; one on a railway line and one in the canal.

today that would be headline news but back then it wasn’t that uncommon so I think I’m happier being a more protective parent

These threads are almost always pointless as it is so location-and-child-specific.

A single child going out by themselves in a rural area with narrow lanes is completely different to two close-in-age siblings walking along pavements to a shop on a small housing development.

Having a phone with you doesn’t actually prevent something from happening.

We played out on our street from
age 7. A stranger did try to get my friend into a car but we ran away, it was v scary.

I probably wouldn’t let my kids play out until age tenish but I don’t have the option as despite living on a safe ‘family’ cul de sac in rural commuterville, there’s no one out there to play with anyway. Everyone either in after school activities or weekend clubs or gaming.

We have a middle school system and it's frustrating. I can't let my 9yo (y4) walk 3 mins home no busy streets during the sunny summer evenings. 6 weeks later and it's a-ok for her to walk a mile home along a route that's new to her. I'm giving her independence as I can now in preparation, walking ahead to the park, staying on the field if I need to nip home.

I played out with my friends from age 8 and so did my DC.
My DC walked to from school with their friends from age 9, it's less than 10 minutes away

Where we live is quite rough,an the kids that play out tend to be up to no good, so our younger ones arnt allowed to play out apart from on the green next to our house. It's a shame as there's a little park opposite our house, but teenagers tend to hang out there, there is drug use and they intimidate kids who go to the park, so I just dont feel comfortable letting them out