How old would you let your kids go out to play alone?

[Soubriquet]

I was thinking about this the other day. I remember as a kid being out all the time. I would walk to my nans house who was a 20 min walk away whilst I was still in single digits.

Yet, I’m not comfortable letting my 7 and 9 year old walk to school alone or go to the park. Both a 15-20 walk away. With one road to cross that gets a maximum of 20 cars a day going down it.

We literally live in the middle of no where and I still don’t feel safe letting them wander like I did.

I know we are a lot more clued up now than we used to be…but what changed really? Why have we now accepted that kids can’t go out on their own to learn their own independence?

Years ago, we didn’t have phones. It was come home when the lights go on.

Our school allows them to leave alone from Year 5. Interesting that it varies so much between different schools.

I'm a big believer in fostering independence, but it needs to be done in baby steps.

From about 7/8 mine could walk to their friends down the road, but we could watch them from the end of the driveway to make sure they got there safely and were let in. At that age they could also play in our lane in view of the house (and we'd be watching out of the window).

From about 8/9 mine were walking to school alone(no major roads to cross and 5 minute walk). Towards the end of that age range, they were walking to the shop and back alone, and later, to the park alone. (The park bothered me most, as there was no way of knowing they'd got there, and it could be an hour or so before I was worried they hadn't got home! This was the main reason that they phones - with trackers installed - for their tenth birthdays).

By 11, they were walking two miles each way to secondary school and back.

There are far more cars nowadays and also in many cities and towns the populations have increased dramatically from the 80s and 90s. I think that’s why many parents are more cautious now. When I think back to the situations my friends and I got into when we were primary aged I shudder.

My DS is 9 and in Year 5, and he started to home from school by himself in September (had to provide written permission to the school) - there's only one road to cross and it's a 5-minute walk. Our house backs on to a small park so he's allowed to go out the back gate to play in the playground there. We can see the whole park from our gate, so it's very easy to quickly check up on him and he knows he's not allowed to leave the park without our permission. I don't think I'd want him going any further afield by himself yet, though.

60 years ago, I went shopping alone aged 3. Walked to school alone (albeit along with all the other kids streaming down the street) from age 4. Played out all day in dry weather, went to the woods or the park, with friends of same age.
Got my own house key aged 7, and was alone at home after school for two hours until parents got in from work.

30 years ago, my own DDs walked to school unaccompanied from about 6. The village headmistress supervised the crossing outside the school gates.
They got house keys from age 9 and 7 respectively. They played out in the stream and fields behind our house from about 6.
DD1 had to go to the village shop alone aged 4, when I was incapacitated with flu and we ran out of milk. She crossed the road safely, and proudly came back with semiskimmed - “the lady tried to give me fat milk, mummy!”
Secondary school was a 15 mile bus ride away, but they organised that themselves - the stop was just yards from our door.

I think the current generation of children are terribly limited in their freedom to roam. Partly due to heavier traffic, but mostly I think due to modern parents being excessively risk averse. There also seems a reluctance to let children use tools or even kitchen knives and scissors. When DD went to uni, she said her fellow students didn’t even know how to rewire a plug or use a washing machine! She was giving basic living skills “tutorials” to helpless teenagers for the first few weeks - some couldn’t even cook a simple meal.

@GoingtotheWinchester I also used to judge parents who drive secondary school children to the gate. I am now on of them. My year 11 dd is on the autistic spectrum and had problems last year with anxiety and school attendance. I now drive her to the gate, I’m just glad she’s in. She gets the bus home.

There could be many reasons why some children are driven to school.

"Playing out" isn't really a thing where I live, there's nowhere to play just streets to wander. DS started going out and about without me around age 11 but he didn't "play out" he walked to school or to a mate's or to the shops.

Personally I'd rather be overprotective than risk my child becoming a statistic though.

Grew up in London, in a house on a road (rather than an estate or cul de sac), playing out was never a thing. I cannot imagine letting my children out independently before 11

When they can ride a bike

Mine played on the completely enclosed playing field behind our house (garden gate opens directly onto it) from about 7 or 8, with older children who lived up the road, but he was in sight of the house/garden at all times and physically couldn't have gone anywhere else without going through someone's house. He started walking to and from school on his own in Y6, when he was 10/11, but that was just round the block and I could see the playground from the bedroom window, and one of the other mums who was there with younger kids used to text me to say he'd arrived. He didn't go out out until the summer term of Y6, when he started to go to the local park with friends, and during the holidays he started to spread his wings a bit more and get the bus to town with friends in readiness for high school.

My son has been walking home since he turned 9. His school allow children to walk home from year 4 if they have parents permission. He's got a few roads to cross but one has a zebra crossing and the other two are one way. We did it gradually so I could watch from a far and make sure he was crossing safely. We live right near a town centre and it's a small town so I feel that's he's safe. I think I'd worry more it we were more rural.

It's one of the saddest reflections on our society that so many of us are terrified of allowing kids, who should be building independence skills, to play out on their own and go out of site. Of course there are realities to fear out there and the dangers of traffic is one in particular. But when we all put our driver's head on what do we do about it? There's a narrow pavement on my road with a 30 limit , I can be with kids on the pavement walking or on scooters or bikes and most vehicles are doing speeds at least into the high 40s as they pass. None slow down ever., it's absolutely disgraceful and probably repeated all over. Many of those people whizzing past by inches are possiby also parents, but put them behind the wheel in their metal box and some sort spell takes over!

It's down to drivers to think about others.

My ds, who is very sensible but small for his age, 11.

He didn't want to go before then anyway.

Mine since we moved from the middle of a field to the outskirts of a village at age 10.
First to/from school, then popping to shop for messages, and walking to/from friends houses. Now she’d play out with friends.
There wasn’t anywhere appealing for her to really go in previous house due to roads etc.

Mine have been going out to play since age 6/7.

My 10 year old is allowed to go into the town with her friends on the bus.

My 14 year old is allowed to go to the nearby city on the train.

Ours can go home by themselves from Primary One and many do

They need to know
youve faith in them if they are to become confident in their skills. It must be difficult to feel capable if you’re not treated as being able to manage.
They also need to make mistakes and learn how to deal with it in order to function as adults!

Your children can go home unsupervised whenever you want them to from primary.

That’s not to say it is advisable but it is your call as parent not the schools.

Well, they won’t learn to function as adults if they are run over or some other such misadventure @Saz12

@Climbingsteepsteps I completely agree - there’s a huge dollop of parental judgement needed as each one is different. But I remember being shocked when I went to uni (early ‘90’s) at how many of my peers had never caught public transport, or bought a round in the pub, or cooked a meal or - anything really. Then got into daft situations without having parents nearby to turn to for help.

Its got to be a balance between the risk of immediate dangers and risk of longer term dangers.

I’m going to say secondary age. 11/12.

It’s that balance that is quite hard to get. I do think erring on the side of caution a little is good, mostly because I have to admit I don’t have particularly fond memories of my own ‘free range’ childhood.

I honestly think the recent news story about the children falling through the ice is further testament to be cautious about letting children out with parental supervision.

I just can’t let me six year old out and think he wouldn’t just do whatever anyone else was going. My older child might still keep his sensible head on but I wouldn’t want him to be responsible for his crazy brother. I’m mindful about the importance of independence but I just can’t let them go yet.

9/10 I'd say. My dd is 8.5 and I've told her when she's in year 5(next September). She can walk to school with a girl a year older, who lives round the corner. My ds was about that age. We do live in a safe rural community though. If we lived in a city my view would be different I think