Do you think most people have hard times?

[dingdongmerrilyyourhigh]

I know this is morbid but do you think most people go through difficult times? We have taken a battering this last 4 years any time there is a lovely flicker of hope, something then happens to ruin it all. Our two best friends seem to sail through life without a graze (I'm happy for them btw) both really high earners, massive house, beautiful children, lots of money in the bank to just do nice things when they want. Other friends are all similar. We just can't catch a break at all at the minute. While I know we are blessed in so many ways I just wish the things that are happening atm just would just disappear. It's just constant
Strain and worry

Well yes all people have hard times.
But it's possible some people may not have hard times money wise. Just hard times in other ways. And sometimes at different stages of their lives

@purpleme12 I agree. It's interesting. So many people are probably unaware of the hard times people are facing behind close doors (I know people I work with would be shocked at the situations/hard times we've been in) I'm so blessed that I have wonderful family and friends and the luxury that many don't have, I'm not wanting to make this into a pitty party because I really have so much to be thankful for. I just wish 'bad' luck would leave us alone for a while

I think some people have good emotional foundations built in childhood so they ride the waves with more ease.

Like the Buddhist saying about the two arrows of suffering - the first arrow is painful and the second arrow (our judgements, broken beliefs etc) is optional. grandrapidstherapygroup.com/second-arrow-of-suffering/

Everyone suffers at least the pain of being born, being a separate person to others, losing parents, death - that’s just part of being human.

Hmm I think some people are lucky and some people are unlucky. I don't think hard times are divided equally between people, no.

I'm sorry you're going through such a hard time. Life can seem so unfair at times. Fingers crossed for some good times soon 💐

Into every life rain must fall .

Yes I think most people do have hard times. I think 'hard times' are also relative iyswim? Someone's hard time might be wondering how they're going to afford to eat or heat their home and someone else's is that their new Hermes bag hasn't arrived for nearly 3 months. I also think some people are better at hiding or covering certain things. Comparison is the theft of joy. At some of my lowest moments I have close friends who would tell you I was doing just fine.

Btw I think “bad luck” is a broken belief - it’s like saying there’s something different or marked about you and you’re attracting more bad things than other people. It’s making a meaning out of it - what’s the meaning for you? You attract bad things and therefore you’re a bad person, not blessed, you deserve it??? Interesting to dig into what’s really going on in your thoughts.

Most people have difficulty in their lives but equally some people are really unlucky. It is also partially attitude and what people choose to show to the outside world. I know most people think my relationship with my ex is really amicable but only I know what a pain in the arse he is to live with.

I definitely don't mind having the harder times when deep down they are making way for the harvest- we just have been experiencing drought for nearly 5 years. We're trying to make the best of things but I often look at people and envy how carefree they are especially young people in their early 20s (obviously they could be stressed to the max and I'd never know)

Anyway finger's crossed that 2023 is our year 🥰

But those carefree people will probably have hard times ahead of them.

I think everyone goes through times where things are tough. What makes the difference are factors like having a safety net (eg. a rich parent to bail you out) and a support network who can step in when needed. We had a terrible year a while back. One thing after another. And what it really highlighted was how little back up we had or options other than just ploughing on through.

Often someone who appears to have it all has a harder time than you realise. I've seen this time and again where people have seemingly gifted lives, then end up getting divorced or losing their jobs. Also bad times seem to go in runs, where everything goes wrong one after the other. I've experienced this before, and it seems particularly bad as your resilience snaps after a while.

It's really hard when you're going through it but it sounds like you do have some positives in your life, so things are almost certain to improve.

Come on OP you know everybody has hard times.
Who aged lets say more than 30 hasn't lost a parent/sibling/grandparent/job/beloved pet? Had a horrible failed romance/ miscarriage/ ill health?
Who hasn't been a victim of sexual assault or bullying or some sort of discrimination?
How many are struggling with miserable minimum wage jobs and currently sitting in the cold, or struggling with stressful jobs that leave them unable to focus on anything else? How many are currently terrified of never finding a partner, or have just found a lump, or are stuck in violent relationships? How many are caring for special needs children or parents with dementia or covering up for siblings with addictions or have addictions themselves.
No gets an easy ride. No one.
In the last year I have four of those things. DH has five and DS has six. And I don't feel any of us has had particularly bad luck.

But I hope you start to see your way through things soon.

It can be how a person approaches things as how they appear to others.

I tend to tell people "fine, doing very well, all lovely, this positive thing happened recently..." even when I'm not fine. "Tired" is my default answer to people asking how I am if I'm not feeling good.
So most people, including people I know reasonably well, wouldn't know that I've had a pretty bad last 18 months.

I know other people who can make a melodrama out of going to the shops and will tell anyone who listens and stick it on FB.

Neither way's right, or wrong. It's just different ways of coping with the situation.

But also there can add into it how people approach the situation. It doesn't always affect what happens but sometimes how you react can make you appear lucky. I've told this story before, but I had one time when we arrived at an event (without tickets) and all tickets were sold. We got in. There were certainly 100s of people who were there before us and didn't get in. So why?

1. We were lucky.
2. I realised we wouldn't get in so decided to make the best of it (by having a picnic outside) rather than ranting at an official or just going home
3. I took the opportunity offered (chap said "follow me to get in" so I risked it)

Yes. No denial, we were very lucky. However if my actions of 2 and 3 had been different then any amount of luck couldn't change it.

I don't believe that people are lucky/unlucky people because that means nothing can change.

There was a story my grandad used to tell about luck. You have to say at the end of each sentence whether he was lucky or unlucky.

A man fell out of an aeroplane
Unlucky
He had a parachute on
Lucky
It didn't work
Unlucky
Directly where he was falling was a haystack
Lucky
There was an upturned pitchfork on the haystack
Unlucky
He missed the pitchfork
Lucky
No, he was unlucky, he missed the haystack as well.

I think there are lots of things that go on behind closed doors as well though.

On the surface I look like I've had an easy life and I have all of those things you describe. However, those closest to me know I've also had some really shit times. I'm just good at hiding it.

Some people are luckier than others, there's no two ways about it. They may think it's something they've done-work harder etc but certainly not always. But most people will inevitably experience hardships in their life, it just may not be the same time as you. Fingers crossed next year is better for you

I dont know many early twenty somethings not looking at the furure and worrying.

Suffering is not an equal opportunities thing.

Not everyone will lose a family member to murder, lose a child to cancer, or be raped.

Some people will experience all three. Some will be spared all three.

It's not about mindset.

Im going through pretty much the toughest time of my life right now. It’s been going on for about 2 years and things just get harder and more complex.
No financial worries, none of this ties into money.
Other than my dh and 1 of my friends, no one would ever know. I compartmentalise and very very rarely ever let my guard down to show how worn down I am by it all.
some people are better at hiding things than others.
sorry you’ve had such a prolonged time of shitness. I go to bed every night and think of 3 positive things from every day. It does help, at least for that brief moment, to remind me that even when times are hard there is still some good to be found in every day. I don’t think any of it is luck, I think it’s just life. You have to take the rough to appreciate the smooth. But also sometimes you have to make the smooth appear smooth!

Thinking of my friends and family, I couldn’t actually think of any who haven’t been through their fair share of hardship and tough times. Some have hard it worse than others, but none have had it altogether easy.

I think people most people have hard times it is just that not everyone makes it obvious

Some people do life playing in difficult mode. This can be because of disability, race, (because let's face it there is still a hell of a lot of racism about) poverty, adverse childhood experiences, generally a bit shit or busy parents.

A good secure start in life, with enough money for needs and wants can go a long way to.make things easier.

My mum has had one of the toughest lives I know. But we are one amazingly close-knit family that are there for each other.

My mum's friend has hardly any hardship in her life, no bereavements, no money issues. But Her adult children have disowned her and she's now extremely lonely.

I'm not sure who has been the unluckiest in life.

The majority of people do have hard times at some point in their lives.

But some do have things very hard.

This.

I lost my big brother to cancer as a child, then my DH to the same cancer in his 30s. Now I’m bringing up two kids alone, one with SN, who pushes me to the limit.

Fairly objectively I’m having a crappier time than 99% of my friends, and it’s pretty isolating. I’m cracking on with life the best I can.

Your friends may (or may not) be having a perfect life just now, but no one knows what is in the future.

It’s very difficult to measure these things objectively. Different people cope through differently hard times differently too. I had a very secure childhood and although it hasn’t always been plain sailing, I think it’s been easier for me to be resilient and remain positive when things go wrong.