Do you think most people have hard times?

[dingdongmerrilyyourhigh]

I know this is morbid but do you think most people go through difficult times? We have taken a battering this last 4 years any time there is a lovely flicker of hope, something then happens to ruin it all. Our two best friends seem to sail through life without a graze (I'm happy for them btw) both really high earners, massive house, beautiful children, lots of money in the bank to just do nice things when they want. Other friends are all similar. We just can't catch a break at all at the minute. While I know we are blessed in so many ways I just wish the things that are happening atm just would just disappear. It's just constant
Strain and worry

Sorry, I did have a miscarriage between ds1 and ds2, which I was very upset about at the time.

Well I wish my hard times would piss off niw and leave me alone

in 18 months I’ve lost dh after an 8 day marriage (terminal cancer)

my mum and my aunts cancer is inoperable and terminal now.

my car has broken down, twice,thousands to fix.

im coping with 2 adult dc with asd and adhd, my two younger ones have ptsd and a fear of school.

oh and I’ve got a heart electrical fault where I will eventually need a pacemaker, my health is shit.

my dad died.
My cooker died yesterday, my fridge freezer last week.

so no compared to my friends my life is a lot harder than theirs. I have no patience when they moan about being a little skint, moan about thier husbands, whinge about how theyre car wouldn’t start.. it’s the end of the world blah blah. I had one friend ring me up crying about how on earth she was going to fit all her Xmas food in her freezer and she didn’t know how she could cope over Xmas.

my friends all have thier parents, partners, thier children are perfect at school, they don’t have health problems. All I get is well you must stay positive and strong.

one said I know how you feel about losing your husband, my divorce was very traumatic too. Fuck off.

don’t talk to me about being emotionally strong and resilient, I’ve literally reached the end of everything now.

so no not everyone has a hard time in life

one said I know how you feel about losing your husband, my divorce was very traumatic too. Fuck off.

God I'm so sorry. That's a desperate thing for someone to say. People have no sense.

I don't at all want to sound insensitive but I remember at my worst with my awful manipulative ex wishing he was dead, as thinking having a decent husband to mourn, would be easier than dealing with a horrible ex who was exerting so much control over my life. (I kept that thought firmly in my head obviously).

I also ‘get on with things’. However I lost my sibling when we were young in tragic circumstances. I have a severely disabled child. Had a few other personal tragedies in the past couple of years. We’re lucky in lots of ways, but things have been tough. Doesn’t mean I don’t get on with things or am less resilient than other people.

Not everyone does but I think it does damage them in other ways I.e still believing that life is fundamentally fair. Friends who haven’t experienced hard times are incredibly naive and often a bit judgemental.

I understand blackheartsgirl. In 18 months I've lost an older child, had medical investigations on the rest following that and found three have the same condition (fortunately now known). I will be caregiver to one with ASD and others with medical issues for many years, if not forever. There's more but I won't share it all here.

Before all this everything was chugging along as normal. In one afternoon everything changed. Most people just have no idea how fragile that routine life they have going is. Until those things that happen to other people happen to us.

I will never view the world the same again, or experience life the same way.

No I get that totally. I was in an abusive relationship before I met my wonderful dh and I remember thinking if my ex died I would be free. I wasn’t thinking of the implications of my children and how complicated things would be. I did keep that to myself as well.

@lifeinthehills im so sorry, thats heartbreaking. I know what you mean about how life chugs along quite nicely and the next it’s not and then your life just quite simply falls apart. Unless people have been in your situation they will never ever understand.

We are now very financially comfortable but it took nearly 15 years of struggle to get here. Even so life is stressful now and our jobs are all consuming. In ways it was easier when we had less money. This year has been crap for my physical and mental health - illness in Feb and March left me depressed which then saw a resurgence of the anxiety disorder I had been free of for a few years. I have 2 kids with ASD which has been challenging. I am honest with my friends about my feelings though so I doubt anyone envies me even though we might be better off than them! Everyone has their own problems. I have one friend who is rich and her life seems perfect but I doubt it is - she is just not the sort to tell people when something is wrong.

This is so true, I have one particular friend who really has led a charmed life. She's 40 and the worst things to happen to her were losing her grandmother when she was in her 30s and having her dog PTS after a long life.

She had a secure, loving childhood. Her parents were wealthy and supported her in doing whatever she wanted in terms of uni/career, as well as helping her massively with a house purchase. She had a 'life plan' and has pretty much ticked off all the boxes at the appropriate times. Met a lovely man just after uni, got married, had no difficulty conceiving.

She really does seem to believe that this is all entirely down to her, rather than a massive amount of luck. She seems to enjoy her (perceived) status as the 'winner' in our group.

Some of the judgemental comments she makes around those of us who have been through really rough times are absolutely mindboggling.

This.

Also, having money can take some of the stress out of other forms of hardship. E.g. if you're hit by serious illness, you can afford to take time off work, pay for private healthcare etc.

I feel quite differently about this thread to some posters. Yes money saves you from a lot. Not health issues.

It's not cherry's friends fault she comes from a stable loving family.

Some people have bad luck. Some people don't have a good basis, a good foundation they don't come from a loving family. but a lot of people create / then carry on creating their own shit and then seem to wonder/ claim why they're so hard done by. If you aren't aware of the damage done to you, haven't chosen to have counselling, but then keep bleating on about how life is shit, all the same things Keep happening to you, then one has to question why you're not more self-aware and why are you haven't addressed it at source.

And one pp said : "Because I am very private." That's a choice. If you chose to tell no one what's happened to you, then obviously no one will know!

I'm not saying it's her fault. I'm agreeing with the poster who said that people who have been lucky can be quite naive and judgemental towards those of us who haven't.

It's not easy to keep picking yourself up but most of us do. I have indeed had therapy and I'm in a good place now. But one thing a therapist will tell you is that you have to acknowledge your feelings, and the unfairness is a part of that. The stuff upper lip mentality doesn't help in these situations at all.

I agree. Things/ life is unfair. Why do some of us have loving parents, others not. Why does your child develop diabetes and your friends child not?

It's not cherry's friends fault she comes from a stable loving family.

It is her fault if she chooses to make insensitive judgemental remarks about other people's situations though. She did nothing to earn her own good luck, just as they don't deserve their bad luck.

"just as they don't deserve their bad luck."

Well, that's debatable. How much is bad luck, ie you had no control over it. And how much is controllable?

One of my friends, years ago at our 2nd Uni, was doing an MA, always harped on about how her parents weren't supportive enough. She kept choosing really unsuitable men. I recommended counselling telling her if she wasn't careful she was going to ruin her whole life, over parents who even now/then couldn't see it. There comes a point where whatever you've been dealt, you then need to take ownership and move on.

I don’t think the traumatic death of my sibling when we were young or having a severely disabled child is just due to me ‘creating my own shit’, but I could be wrong I guess.

I think hard means different for everyone. So, yes, I think most people have hard times.

Your posts are becoming offensive.

I didn't choose any of the shit that's happened to me and with every knock I've worked through it and tried to build a good life for myself.

It is exhausting though when bad things keep happening to you, you have to keep on picking yourself up, while getting stupid, insensitive comments from people who haven't got a clue.

Yes, everyone goes through hard times but some people don't feel the need to discuss this with others

Yup, just about sums it up.

So, my current hard times:

Mum died last year

A young adult dd with ADHD, Autism, anxiety and depression who is a constant worry

Dh has had complex fistula surgery and has an open wound in his bum with a seton to keep it from closing. It's been like this for 3 months and he is in pain and discomfort. His fistula bisects his sphincter muscle so may not be repairable and surgery could cause incontinence

I have torn my meniscus and currently can't walk

Not a particularly happy marriage for dh and I (understatement). We are poles apart from soul mates

But I don't really talk about any of this. Most people see our big house and lack of money troubles and assume a charmed life 🤷‍♀️

Who aged lets say more than 30 hasn't lost a parent/sibling/grandparent/job/beloved pet?

I don't think losing a grandparent qualifies as "hard times". Bereavement can be hard, but people dying in old age is in the natural order of things - literally everyone will lose their grandparents in their first 30 or so years. It's not tragic or heartbreaking in the way that a younger person dying is. And if the beloved pet lived to a normal age for its species, same goes for that.

We don't get alotted a set amount of difficulty in life. Some people sail through and others struggle their whole lives. I had a very difficult childhood but now live a very comfortable life with 3 children and DH. My hard times now are nothing in comparison to others'. It's all relative, and you can't plan your hard times.

I’ve been told “the hard times won’t last forever” for the last 20 years.

My whole life has been one really shit thing after another. If I listed it all, you’d think I was making it up. And not little things either.

I wanted a nice end to a year for a change, but last week was told I have an eye condition which means I will probably lose my sight. When the consultant told me, I laughed. Because of course I will lose my sight, I get all the shit breaks in life.

If something can go wrong for me, it will go wrong (example, I’m broke. I saved up all year to take my child somewhere she’s always wanted to go in the summer for the day, bought the expensive tickets. Half way there, my car engine blew up. Head gasket gone. Took all day to get recovery and get it sorted. Tickets non refundable. I wasn’t surprised).i

My life had just been relentless shit. I dread the new year now because I just think what next.

Losing a grandparent/pet even if they were old/it was expected is a hard time to most people with normal emotions. You'd have to be pretty cold hearted to not be bothered by the loss of a loved one!