Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Chat

Join the discussion and chat with other Mumsnetters about everyday life, relationships and parenting.

Original poster

The relentlessness of lone parenting

55 replies

Tunnocks2022 · 10/12/2022 22:42

I don’t want advice. I just want to say that I find lone parenting relentless and exhausting, and to feel heard.

OP posts:
Fairy22 · 10/12/2022 22:43

I hear you sister 😚 and stand with you

Original poster
Tunnocks2022 · 10/12/2022 22:46

Thank you 💐

OP posts:
Tig33 · 10/12/2022 22:47

Totally! I have had a bad week and just want a rest. My child
is a teenager now. When he was younger I actually used to fantasise about getting I’ll enough to be admitted to hospital just so I would actually be able to have a break. The thought of being able to lie down and be fed my meals all day was my dream. Of course my worse fear is that anything would happen to me that would mean I couldn’t look after him.

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about this subject:

Families
Original poster
Tunnocks2022 · 10/12/2022 22:51

Tig33 ah rest, the holy grail! I hope you get some somehow, even if it’s just a sliver of recharge time.

My eldest is a teen now (just) but starting Secondary has been a disaster for his mental health and therefore mine. Lots of adhd meltdowns at the moment. And next week it’s six years since my DH died.

I’m…a bit hacked off.

OP posts:
Ibouncetothebeat · 10/12/2022 23:11

I’m with you! I never knew how hard a toddler could be. The tantrums about absolutely everything. How dare I chose the wrong socks, or give him anything other than crisps for breakfast. The sickness, and the way he always manages to throw up all over the clean sheets or in my bra. The mental load, have they got enough clothes at nursery, need to book doctors appointment, jabs and HV. All that and try to raise a decent human being that will make a positive contribution to society!

daffodilandtulip · 10/12/2022 23:15

Single parent to two teens, and never thought it would be possible to be this tired.

audweb · 10/12/2022 23:16

I hear you, and I feel you. A friend recently described it as claustrophobic.
It’s that and relentless and exhausting. Hard not to burn out but no one else to do it so you wake up every day and get on with it.

SpinningFloppa · 10/12/2022 23:16

Same, but single parent to 4 (ex not involved at all) I feel very lonely and exhausted never getting a break and struggle to relate to other single parents who have involved exes.

Tig33 · 10/12/2022 23:17

You poor thing @Tunnocks2022 that sounds really rough. I am sorry for your loss.
the transition to secondary school is hard. Looking after teenagers the worries and strain is different to what it was like when they were wee. Sadly no less exhausting though.

Original poster
Tunnocks2022 · 10/12/2022 23:18

Ibouncetothebeat · 10/12/2022 23:11

I’m with you! I never knew how hard a toddler could be. The tantrums about absolutely everything. How dare I chose the wrong socks, or give him anything other than crisps for breakfast. The sickness, and the way he always manages to throw up all over the clean sheets or in my bra. The mental load, have they got enough clothes at nursery, need to book doctors appointment, jabs and HV. All that and try to raise a decent human being that will make a positive contribution to society!

It’s too much! And where are the prizes? I want a prize. We’re totally amazing. Epic.

OP posts:
Whereisthelove2 · 10/12/2022 23:19

I here you and understand

Whereisthelove2 · 10/12/2022 23:19

Hear!

Original poster
Tunnocks2022 · 10/12/2022 23:20

daffodilandtulip · 10/12/2022 23:15

Single parent to two teens, and never thought it would be possible to be this tired.

I hear you. I was lonely when they went to bed at 7.30-8pm. Now I’d do most things for them to go to bed at that time! And the mental exhaustion of bringing up teens is unreal.

OP posts:
Tig33 · 10/12/2022 23:20

Relentless is the right word! It just seems like a treadmill sometimes.

everytime I think ‘Great I have totally got his single parenting park go me’ something else happens and I am back to square one trying to work out what to do! Where is the manual? And the holidays?

Original poster
Tunnocks2022 · 10/12/2022 23:21

audweb · 10/12/2022 23:16

I hear you, and I feel you. A friend recently described it as claustrophobic.
It’s that and relentless and exhausting. Hard not to burn out but no one else to do it so you wake up every day and get on with it.

Claustrophobic is so right. And constant pouring from an empty cup. Urgh.

OP posts:
Original poster
Tunnocks2022 · 10/12/2022 23:26

Spinningfloppa yes so hard when it’s all on you, especially with four. A colleague told me once she knew how I felt because her husband often doesn’t get home until 7. I chose not to reply…

OP posts:
Original poster
Tunnocks2022 · 10/12/2022 23:26

Whereisthelove2 · 10/12/2022 23:19

I here you and understand

💐

Run-up to Christmas is tough on us I think also

OP posts:
Tig33 · 10/12/2022 23:28

oh the ‘I know just what it’s like as my husband … goes on golf weekends/ works away / doesn’t do much around the house’ gah

Original poster
Tunnocks2022 · 10/12/2022 23:28

Just doing the classic ‘staying up late to finally get some headspace’. Works especially well on weekdays when I have to get up at 6.15am. Anyone else do this?

OP posts:
Shitfather · 10/12/2022 23:34

Sympathies. DS started secondary this year and I’m getting a flavour of the complex issues teens face and I’m shit-scared. Ex isn’t involved and the weight of responsibility is so huge.

Bemyclementine · 10/12/2022 23:35

It is HARD. My exH does have them 1 day a week. I spend that day running around like a blue arsed fly. In reality, it's a few hours. Doesn't even feed them. Dc1 has been really unwell this week, and moderately unwell for 3 weeks. Dc2 is having tantrums slthough not a toddler. Dc1 is sensitive and emotional. I have nothing left to give sometimes.

I guess my ex is involved in that he sees them 1 (short...) day a week. I'm the one who wakes up with them, sorts all the meals, shopping, cleaning, washing, Drs appointments, days off when they're ill , order school lunches, sorts out clubs, cleans shoes, takes swimming, cook's dinner, puts to bed, worries about screen time, anxiety, mental health, honewirk, reading, deals with the good times and bad, I could go on all night. While he bangs on about wanting to be more involved, while simultaneously being less involved.

Sorry. Got that out.

Bemyclementine · 10/12/2022 23:37

Tunnocks2022 · 10/12/2022 23:28

Just doing the classic ‘staying up late to finally get some headspace’. Works especially well on weekdays when I have to get up at 6.15am. Anyone else do this?

ALL THE TIME. I had mjm guilt for being a bit snappy with them so we watched a film. They went to bed at 9.30 (very late, they're young) so here I am, 3rd glass of wine, tired but enjoying the quiet.

Original poster
Tunnocks2022 · 10/12/2022 23:40

Shitfather · 10/12/2022 23:34

Sympathies. DS started secondary this year and I’m getting a flavour of the complex issues teens face and I’m shit-scared. Ex isn’t involved and the weight of responsibility is so huge.

Yes that. I find the responsibility absolutely crushing!

OP posts:
Original poster
Tunnocks2022 · 10/12/2022 23:41

Bemyclementine yep, you’re doing All The Things. Just exhausting.

OP posts:
Original poster
Tunnocks2022 · 10/12/2022 23:42

I’ve hit the crisps. Can’t eat well until my stress levels reduce. So, 10 years’ time? 🤣

OP posts:
Swipe left for the next trending thread