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Original poster

ExH told my 8 year old son

88 replies

pomegranatepie · 10/12/2022 21:06

That father Christmas isn't real. He is heartbroken. I asked him if he wanted to believe he was real, and if so that was all that mattered. He seems to be reasonably comforted by that, but clearly he now knows deep down that it's me. But what the hell? I'm really sad for him, and completely baffled as to why on earth exH would do that.

OP posts:
SinnerBoy · 11/12/2022 13:31

I'd worked it out by the age of six, my DD did, too. She said to me, "Father Christmas isn't real, is he?"

"Er, no..." She said she'd realised months before and then started crying, because she thought that she'd never get any more presents! We put that right, ASAP. Shortly afterwards, she said that Tooth Fairy isn't real, either. We still give her £2 for a tooth under the pillow, she's only got 3 left to lose!

Isthisexpected · 11/12/2022 13:32

Mine believed until 11/12 so this is just mean.

MajorCarolDanvers · 11/12/2022 13:32

What an absolute dickhead. Your poor son. He probably had another 1-2 years of believing.

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about this subject:

8 year olds
SparkyBlue · 11/12/2022 13:34

Matildatoldsuchdreadfullies · 11/12/2022 13:23

I have been supply teaching in a year 3 class for the last couple of weeks. Several of the children have told the whole class about F. Christmas (yes, each time I did try to head them off at the pass).

I can say with a fair degree of certainty that every child in that class knows, no matter what their parents are posting on MN. And I strongly suspect that this is replicated across Y3 classes all over the country.

Absolutely agree with this. I remember chat at school about it from about 7 or 8 onwards. There is always a few children with older siblings or a different dynamic in the family unit to yours. OP Christmas is still magic please don't get upset about it. Please reassure him that Santa will still come and whatever Santa traditions you have will stay the same. My eldest sent me a WhatsApp with her list and is still excited for "Santa" event though she doesn't believe. It's such a fun time. However your ex sounds like an absolute dick and I hope your husbands health improves and that you have a lovely Christmas

Beamur · 11/12/2022 13:36

Needmorelego · 10/12/2022 22:00

@pomegranatepie tell your son the story of St Nicholas - the origins of Father Christmas. Say that St Nicholas lived a long long time ago so obviously he isn't around anymore. Parents and other adults do the job now so it keeps the tradition alive.
Tell him that his Dad is actually wrong. Father Christmas may not exist now - but he did once a long time ago so he is (or rather was) very real.

This is what I would do. The spirit of Christmas (corny as it is) is what parents continue with Father Christmas. If he's sad, I would maybe come up with some new ways that, as a family, you make Christmas special.
Sorry to hear about your DH OP, hope you get answers soon and he feels better. Your ex is a twat. Hope you all have a great time despite the stuff life is throwing at you!

CombatBarbie · 11/12/2022 16:58

I often do wonder if, when the misers' children go on to have their own kids, do they follow their childhood and never lie or do they create the magic that they never had in their childhood?

theremustonlybeone · 11/12/2022 17:03

What a nasty thing to do. kids all learn at different stages but for your ex to simply inform your 8yr old sounds quite deliberately nasty, I have never told my kids and my current 8yr old is super excited

Choconut · 11/12/2022 17:06

LBFseBrom · 10/12/2022 21:13

I don't think you can criticise your ex for telling the truth. Most children don't believe in Father Christmas at eight. Christmas can still be fun and magical with lots of fantasy without believing a mythical person exists.

What other fantasy is there to believe in at Christmas apart from Father Christmas??

Choconut · 11/12/2022 17:08

FTY765 · 10/12/2022 22:03

The best parents would NEVER lie to their kids and cause them long term trauma like that, and so they know Santa isn't real as soon as they exit the womb.

Show quote history

The luckiest parents got to experience the magic of believing as children and so want to recreate that lovely experience for their kids. I believed and never had any trauma as did ds.

IhearyouClemFandango · 11/12/2022 17:09

My 12 year old still kind of believes, 8 is v young.

TribeD · 11/12/2022 17:11

user1487194234 · 10/12/2022 21:28

None of mine believed at 6 never mind 8

But just because your children didn't believe beyond 6, doesn't mean that all children of that age don't believe either.

All children are different.

OhBeAFineGuyKissMe · 11/12/2022 17:22

The problem is you have difference in parenting not one of you us right.

From his point of view he is telling the truth, you are the one lying to your son.

From your point of view you are keeping the magic alive and he is ruining it.

Sartre · 11/12/2022 17:23

My DC only stopped at ten so I’d be very saddened by this too, you should have strong words with your ex.

loislovesstewie · 11/12/2022 17:27

Mine knew at 6,he told the rest of the class that their parents were doing the presents. He does have ASD and believes in being strictly truthful. He considered believing in Father Christmas to be telling lies.

MrsTerryPratchett · 11/12/2022 17:31

EricNorthmanYesPlease · 10/12/2022 22:12

I'd sit and explain that the reason his Dad doesnt think FC is real, is because he never got any toys when he was little. He was too naughty.

That is the funniest answer. And sort of true because the mean grinch doesn't deserve anything.

Just give him a hug, tell him the presents still appear and brush it off. The more you care, the more space your ex rents in your head.

SinnerBoy · 11/12/2022 17:32

I think that all the kids I was at school with had ceased to believe, by the age of 8. I'm struggling to believe that 11 / 12 year olds still believe it!

KillingLoneliness · 11/12/2022 17:39

I thought most kids believed until they were around 10! That’s when I found out though I was never told and my parents always denied it 😂 I just figured it out myself. My kids are 11 and 9 and still believe!

cavily1806 · 11/12/2022 17:41

My ex told DD when she was 4. It sucks

toastofthetown · 11/12/2022 17:48

I think it’s pretty miserly of him to tell your son so soon before Christmas that Father Christmas isn’t real, especially unprompted, but he isn’t wrong . I’d be very surprised if at eight years old the thought hadn’t occurred to him that it might be a fantasy anyway. I went to a very small rural village school (the kind where those in MN would insist promote long belief in Father Christmas), but other than one classmate, everyone had stopped believing by nine. How can children see that Father Christmas acts differently in different households, not all children celebrate Christmas and therefore don’t have Christmas gifts at all, the annual fundraising and donations to ensure that children and around the country and world have Christmas gifts, as well as a growing understanding of speed and distance involved and not think something is amiss? The whole story is pretty preposterous when given a moment’s thought.

Despite not believing in Father Christmas from a younger age than your son, I’ve always found Christmas a wonderful and magical time of year, and stopping believing in Santa hasn’t stopped that. Other than bringing a stocking Father Christmas really wasn’t a big deal, so realising he wasn’t real also wasn’t a big deal. If you play along like Father Christmas is a game that he can play, and find magic and fun in real things, then I don’t think that the magic of Christmas can ruined as long as people are willing to find joy in it.

Reugny · 11/12/2022 17:52

WaddleAway · 10/12/2022 21:46

It’s already the 4th thread I’ve read on this subject this year. Usually by the end posters are claiming that anyone with any brains has worked it out by the age of 3 😂

Show quote history

I was worried my 4 year old doesn't believe as she is adamant fairies aren't real and has been for sometime, but she says she does....

Reugny · 11/12/2022 17:54

KillingLoneliness · 11/12/2022 17:39

I thought most kids believed until they were around 10! That’s when I found out though I was never told and my parents always denied it 😂 I just figured it out myself. My kids are 11 and 9 and still believe!

Or they say they do to ensure the adults around them keep buying them things.

I did that from about 7 onwards. They then all knew I knew at 9.

PeekAtYou · 11/12/2022 17:54

Most 8 year olds don't believe but most didn't find out 2 weeks before Christmas. Terribly cruel to do it now.

amylou8 · 11/12/2022 18:09

I think it depends on context. Instigated by your son doubting/asking questions then at 8 he shouldn't lie. If he's just come out and randomly told him then thats different.

Divebar2021 · 11/12/2022 18:23

I often do wonder if, when the misers' children go on to have their own kids, do they follow their childhood and never lie or do they create the magic that they never had in their childhood?

Someone on another thread was very proudly discussing their 3 year old who they’ve raised not to believe in FC. You just know that kid is going to run amok at school because apparently some people cannot stand that some 9 year old believes something that they don’t.

Lolacat1234 · 11/12/2022 18:27

What's mean is that he wasn't allowed to come to a natural conclusion about whether Santa is real or not. My son is 11 and started questioning last year at age 10, I never had to tell him anything he just realised naturally. That's the best way. My dad did something similar when I was 10, I don't think he meant to really, the way he said it was as though he knew I didn't think it was real as I'm far too old when actually at 10 I did still believe. I was very upset and it's like a core memory now, the moment I realised Father Christmas isn't real. I think if I'd had another year I would have come to the conclusion naturally which is what should happen in all cases!