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Original poster

ExH told my 8 year old son

88 replies

pomegranatepie · 10/12/2022 21:06

That father Christmas isn't real. He is heartbroken. I asked him if he wanted to believe he was real, and if so that was all that mattered. He seems to be reasonably comforted by that, but clearly he now knows deep down that it's me. But what the hell? I'm really sad for him, and completely baffled as to why on earth exH would do that.

OP posts:
Spiderboy · 10/12/2022 21:40

Surely context matters? Did he ask his father? How did the conversation come about? I can imagine a kid asking a question and getting an answer they don’t like. But I can’t imagine a parent randomly blurting that out?

CaptainMyCaptain · 10/12/2022 21:40

user1487194234 · 10/12/2022 21:17

I really don’t think most 8 year olds believe and if mine had asked me directly (at any age) I would not have lied

I agree. I certainly had it worked out by 6. I told my daughter about FC but would never have lied to a direct question. It's a story for little children.

Original poster
pomegranatepie · 10/12/2022 21:43

He absolutely still believed, until last week. And I'm well aware that this would probably have been the last year that he did believe, and just wanted to keep the magic going for as long as possible. He said he was being excited about Christmas and his dad said "you do know father Christmas is not real don't you? It's just your mum". We agreed on separation that he would spend Christmas with me, as Exh doesn't feel any desire to celebrate Christmas, so it just feels really odd that he would feel the need to. He apparently also told him during lock down that father Christmas wouldn't be coming as he had covid!!!

OP posts:

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about this subject:

8 year olds
LondonWolf · 10/12/2022 21:43

Oh the annual competitive earliest non Santa believer thread with requisite implication that the younger the child stops believing, the better the parenting 🙄

WaddleAway · 10/12/2022 21:46

LondonWolf · 10/12/2022 21:43

Oh the annual competitive earliest non Santa believer thread with requisite implication that the younger the child stops believing, the better the parenting 🙄

It’s already the 4th thread I’ve read on this subject this year. Usually by the end posters are claiming that anyone with any brains has worked it out by the age of 3 😂

Mariposista · 10/12/2022 21:48

Oh that is mean to tell him so close to Christmas if he really did believe until then. Its would be different if the kid was questioning it and asking his father questions, but if he just came out with it and told him, that's mean IMO

Zosime · 10/12/2022 21:50

I certainly had it worked out by 6.

I was about six too. I know I can't have been much older than that, because when I said to my mum 'Father Christmas isn't real, is he?' she said, 'no he isn't real, but don't tell [sister].' If I'd been older, she have said 'don't tell [sister and brother].'

CaptainMyCaptain · 10/12/2022 21:52

Zosime · 10/12/2022 21:50

I certainly had it worked out by 6.

I was about six too. I know I can't have been much older than that, because when I said to my mum 'Father Christmas isn't real, is he?' she said, 'no he isn't real, but don't tell [sister].' If I'd been older, she have said 'don't tell [sister and brother].'

I remember it because I had a fireplace in my bedroom at that house and knew my mother would never tolerate a man coming down the chimney into my bedroom. I didn't say anything about it for a few years though. We moved house before I was 7 .

Needmorelego · 10/12/2022 22:00

@pomegranatepie tell your son the story of St Nicholas - the origins of Father Christmas. Say that St Nicholas lived a long long time ago so obviously he isn't around anymore. Parents and other adults do the job now so it keeps the tradition alive.
Tell him that his Dad is actually wrong. Father Christmas may not exist now - but he did once a long time ago so he is (or rather was) very real.

FTY765 · 10/12/2022 22:01

Based on your update, your ex husband is a grinch and an arsehole.

Maybe talk to your son about the spirit of Santa?

FTY765 · 10/12/2022 22:03

LondonWolf · 10/12/2022 21:43

Oh the annual competitive earliest non Santa believer thread with requisite implication that the younger the child stops believing, the better the parenting 🙄

The best parents would NEVER lie to their kids and cause them long term trauma like that, and so they know Santa isn't real as soon as they exit the womb.

AlwaysFullOfQuestions22 · 10/12/2022 22:06

I remember telling eldest, if u don't believe then i have to do your stocking and id be rubbish at it. But if you believe then santa will do it and you'll have fun things.

8 is too young dsc is 10 and believes but i think this will be the last year

Original poster
pomegranatepie · 10/12/2022 22:11

He is such a twat. Sigh. It's particularly mean given DS has had a really stressful few weeks, his step dad has been really unwell, hospitalised for weeks with a suspected brain tumor (thankfully it is not that, although something is going on) which has been really hard on him (they are close) and I was hoping that the magic of Christmas would be something lovely to look forward to. I will do my best to make it as magical as possible despite this, but it feels like such a shame.

OP posts:
EricNorthmanYesPlease · 10/12/2022 22:12

I'd sit and explain that the reason his Dad doesnt think FC is real, is because he never got any toys when he was little. He was too naughty.

vinoandbrie · 10/12/2022 22:23

How horrid of him, what a pig. My eight year old very much believes, as did their sibling at that age. Your poor DS.

user1487194234 · 10/12/2022 22:28

No
They just figured it out

Whyisitsodifficult · 10/12/2022 22:29

My DD is 9 and still believes, I’m dreading her asking me outright if “he’s” real! I won’t lie to her but she was really upset when I told her the truth about the tooth fairy! I’m not sure what to say when she asks!

NeedAHoliday2021 · 10/12/2022 22:30

On mn dc stop believing at 5 or something ridiculous. My dc have been told by friends and a school teacher but they choose to still believe age 11 and 14. They play along with the game so well that I’m not actually sure if the 11 year olds are playing or genuinely believe. 14 year old completely goes along with it despite figuring it out age 9.

caringcarer · 10/12/2022 22:39

I'd just tell DS that the reason his Dad told him that is because he is on the naughty list every year so Santa does not ever come to him. I'd give ex a mouthful too. It was spiteful to tell him just before Xmas. He is probably jealous of your son's relationship with StepDad.

edel2 · 10/12/2022 22:40

FleasNavidad · 10/12/2022 21:16

"Most children don't believe in Father Christmas at eight"

Oh give over. So boring and predictable 🥱

Totally agree.

"Most children"...like what on EARTH are you talking about? 8 years old is young

edel2 · 10/12/2022 22:41

user1487194234 · 10/12/2022 21:28

None of mine believed at 6 never mind 8

That's not something to boast about

WaddleAway · 10/12/2022 22:43

edel2 · 10/12/2022 22:40

Totally agree.

"Most children"...like what on EARTH are you talking about? 8 years old is young

Show quote history

To be honest I’m not surprised. Apparently there are children in my just turned 9 year old’s class who are allowed to watch things like Stranger Things, and who seem to spend most of their weekends and evenings playing age inappropriate games on their x boxes in their bedrooms etc. I just have the accept that some people parent very differently to me!

StrictlyAFemaleFemale · 10/12/2022 22:47

I'm sorry your ex took that magic from your son. I second the Polar Express recommendation.

TheDishElopedwiththeSpoon · 11/12/2022 13:16

I don’t think either type of parent is wrong to be honest. Some of us don’t like lying to our kids, and some parents like to let their kids believe in magic. Neither viewpoint is wrong, but they are incompatible.

Matildatoldsuchdreadfullies · 11/12/2022 13:23

I have been supply teaching in a year 3 class for the last couple of weeks. Several of the children have told the whole class about F. Christmas (yes, each time I did try to head them off at the pass).

I can say with a fair degree of certainty that every child in that class knows, no matter what their parents are posting on MN. And I strongly suspect that this is replicated across Y3 classes all over the country.