Would ADHD medication help me feel less overwhelmed with housework and reduce my general anxiety?

[Return2thebasic]

Diagnosed a few years ago. Just applied for medication and in the queue waiting to be seen.

I'm just so fed up with my incapability to tidy up the house. The tasks are so tedious and never ending. I feel paralysed just thinking about it and therefore most of the evenings I feel ashamed that I haven't done enough to change it.

Piles of laundries - just more and more; cluttering with toys, things I can't decide to throw away, shoes that need to be cleaned before being put away, picnic cool bags that need to be cleaned before store away, beddings that require mighty force to change and then a few hours to wash and then dry before they can go back to wardrobe, the garden that needs a tidy up before winter properly sets in, and the list goes on and on.

My husband is also bad at housework - he literally "doesn't see" and never voluntarily help with tidy up and he outright declared he can't do laundry even if he doesn't mind do cooking sometimes. But I'm drowning by all the tasks. And my ADHD just make me anxious but without the courage to put time in to do the chunk of work knowing there's no end. I don't dare to ask any friends or even DS's friends over without being prepared to spend hours to tidy up beforehand.

So, I know this post has become a rant rather than my initial intent about ADHD. And I don't plan to divorce my husband to find someone who's willing to help to marry.

So my only hope is the medication one day when I get my turn to be seen... Would it make housework easier and less overwhelming? I just feel so ashamed but trapped at the same time...

I mean..,maybe. But also working on having systems, getting rid of things and finding what works for you. For example we have two of the same vacuums because sometimes the biggest block for me is going to get the vacuum from downstairs (I have ADHD) so I bought an upstairs vacuum.

I keep meaning to try The Organised Mum Method but I think the biggest thing for me is continuing to declutter.

@FantaTv , I know! Decluttering is the biggest problem I have to confront before anything else. But I found I feel immense guilt when I chuck things into the bin(=landfill). I tried to give old clothes in good condition to charities and those not in good condition to shops that take recycling like H&M. But then the problem becomes that I have to accumulate before there's enough to make the trip. The process itself drains my mind power 😓

Some neuro typical human would hire cleaners to keep the house clean. But my problem is that I need to make the place "cleanable" before I can actually give the cleaning job to anyone. .. no hope...

Maybe, maybe not, I found it heightened my anxiety not lessened it, I ended up stop taking it because of this. I also became laser focused on the task I was doing but not the wider lens of needing to eat, do housework etc I just found it a cluster fuck tbh. But for others it works well.

@Croftboft Did you give multiple types of drugs a chance? Maybe they work differently?

I've been put quite a bit hope on drugs "to fix" me, as I feel so paralysed in some basic aspects of life and don't know how to get out of this without intervention...

DS1 thinks it does. He's 14 and has tried a few different types. He's sitting prelim exams at the moment and is definitely more able to focus, however his executive function is still an issue in terms of organisation. So it's worth a try but I think you will also need strategies to help you.

@weebarra , good to know it helped your DS. I know it's not a magical potion that can turn someone into a completely different perfect person. But just so fed up with "this me"...

Maybe need a thread just for decluttering tips that work for ADHD. 😂

My DS probably will try the drugs before I do, because we are going through privately for him instead waiting for two years for his dx/treatment like I have to.

I have so much sympathy. I think it's hard for NT people to understand how impossible this stuff is for many adhders.

I've found drugs to help quite a lot.

In the meantime (and in addition to drugs) to Keep House While Drowning: A gentle approach to cleaning and organising www.amazon.co.uk/dp/B09KTGVQRH?ref_=cm_sw_r_apann_dp_6JBZZADN5MDNQCPRQBS9 this book is great. (The author's tiktoks are good too).

Yes multiple different types at different doses.
Dh has been stable on his for years though, so they do work for most people but yeah I tried multiple and it was just awful tbh. It made me productive in one area of my life and just fall off a cliff with everything else, was an amazing weightloss tool though 😂

I've found my best thing for dealing with the overwhelming chaos is just to pick one thing and schedule it, so for weeks I just did one thing like wiping the kitchen counters at the end of the day, and for weeks that would be what I'd do and all the other rooms were a fucking disaster zone, but then I'd add another thing, so kitchrn counters and dust the bedroom window sill and just do those 2 things but then a few weeks later and another and keep it all on an app that I'd check off. I lived in squalor for ages tbh, but now its manageable as I built it up slowly and its become a habit.

@BlueHexagon , thank you for sharing. I will certainly look it up. Need some good tactics.❤

In my case it absolutely did, for both things. I’m under CMHT for CPTSD (which mostly manifests as severe anxiety) and Elvanse has done more for me than anything else I’ve ever been prescribed (SSRI/NIs, TCAS, MAOIS, the whole lot).

It also helped me see clearly what routines/ways of doing things did and did not work.

Single parent of 3 that works full time so sometimes there is still chaos though. But that’s just life.

@Croftboft , so sorry that you tried so many drugs at different dosage but still not working. It takes lots of patience and constant hope and retrial, must be mental draining on its own.

Thank you for the tips. This approach does sound feasible. I do find if I write things down as a list, then they WILL happen and most of the time, they happen quickly once I write them down. I guess it's due to the inherent impatience fro ADHD - just sort them out and get them out of my way. 😂. Only that I need to make myself really spend sometime and sit down to write the list without drifting away because of the temptation of something else...😆

But yes, it's a sound idea to incrementally build a habit to avoid being overwhelmed and skipping altogether.

I will make a plan following your advice! (Medication or not!)

I think it impacts different people differently, as others have said. I have a few friends who have been diagnosed in their 30s/40s and most of them have reported that medication helps notably with feelings of overwhelm and anxiety though.

I've got nothing useful to add except further reassurance that you're not alone. Most of my house is in a complete state but I have managed to tidy one corner of the living room enough to put the Christmas tree up so small wins I guess. 2023 will be the year I crack the housework and decluttering...somehow!

I am getting better at all this. ADHD, medicated as a young teen into early twenties. Never used medication when I've also been running a house but looking to start again once I have this baby (due Jan).

I think for me the absolute essential has been decluttering as much as possible. Really and truly. I hate possessions, they weigh me down. I lose them or break them and they just become like a thousand little burdens. (I don't even have an engagement ring and this is one of the reasons!).

Also acceptance...it's OK not to be naturally tidy and organised. I bet your household has a different energy that is positive in a different way. You're not a bad person, you're a person who finds housework challenging. A perfectly clean and organised house is not the ultimate yardstick for human achievement.

"A slob comes clean" is a good book and podcast. She never says she has ADHD but I'm sure she does from the way she writes about her struggles with keeping a house tidy. So she gets it. Start small with daily habits and just take it one job at a time!

I am fascinated to see if medication helps me stay on top of things like this when I eventually restart. It certainly helped me immeasurably when at school and university.

I take medication and yes, I think it would help hugely, but it's also important to go by 'skills not pills' for these things too! I saw an ADHD coach briefly who helped me come up with systems for tidying different rooms (baskets and bins in each room, working round the room clockwise, buying a handheld hoover etc.)

I bought a Kallax 4X4 for dirty laundry - colours in one, whites in another, bottom two for towels and bedsheets. The 'dirty' bin gets moved into the hallway, everything goes in the right box and then I put it in to wash overnight. If I leave it in there too long without hanging it up I will wash it again rather than beating myself up for it.

Meds help hugely with the mental overwhelm but they go hand in hand with the systems you've put in place yourself. I promise it does get more manageable!

So both you and your DH struggle with household tasks, but you're the only one doing anything? No wonder you're overwhelmed if he's adding to your load. How does he get to say he doesn't do laundry and it becomes your responsibility? Techniques may really help, but i'd be so pissed off at the person who loves me watching me struggle.

For me, decluttering really became a lot less guilt inducing when someone on MN said the waste happens at the time of purchase. As soon as you buy something you don't need, that's when you're creating landfill. Chucking it is just the inevitable conclusion. I try to hold on to that to stop me buying shite I don't need too.

Iv been listening to the the declutterhub podcast also on YouTube

They're brilliant and so funny.
One of the episodes is about ADHD.
They've also got a website and you can do decluttering courses on there. They take you through everything bit by bit.

You can also hire a decluttering expert to come and help if you have the money to do it.

Thanks to all!! I will take the advice looking for some decluttering strategy in addition to placing the hope to medication...

@Namora , that made a good point. I will try to manage buying fewer, but somehow ending up spending money everyday and most of the time are for the kids if not for food!

@Mynoodlesareoodles , I know the issue, but it's an entire different story and am kind of resolved to accept life like this. I'm not happy but I hate/fear change even more. Lots of problems I guess I just have to endure for the rest of my life, as in some way, I think I deserve it as very much an imperfect person and not every one could find her Mr Right and live happily after... 😶

I find that new things give me a dopamine hit and motivate me. If my house is getting minging and I’m out of the routine of doing it I treat myself to some new fancy storage jars , some new towels a clever storage tower and then I get a surge to clean and sort that room because there’s some novelty there . It doesn’t last long but even a new plant or some candles might get me at doing the lounge . I also force myself to take a bag of things to charity every time I get something new so it doesn’t become a hoarding habit .
some times I can keep it going for a few weeks , sometimes we live in squalor till guest are due then I go mad for 2 days like Kim and aggy on the crack 😂

I know I’ve got ADHD, but I think another factor is that my house is just too small to accommodate all the activities / hobbies I’d like to do!

You could try L-Theanine as an alternative? It's an extract from green tea and available from Amazon. It helps my mind to calm and focus when I'm feeling overwhelmed by stuff. We also use it with my son who has ASD and it seems to do the same for him.

Just get rid of things. They’re going to end up in landfill anyway at some point whether you take them to a charity shop and sOmeone buys it then chucks it later on or you Chuck it. If you’ve had stuff that long unless it’s very special it’s probably not worth much. For example my MIL won’t throw anything away. She recently got a 25 year old travel cot out of the loft for me to use for our child. It was mouldy in a corner from being stored so long. I couldn’t get the mould off fully and I also wasn’t convinced by one of the locking mechanisms on one side. Not wanting to risk it collapsing on my child or the mould affecting them, it had to be binned. She was agonised over it. But if she’d thrown it 10 years ago during a loft sort out then we’d still be in the same boat now, she’d still have to be buying a new travel cot (as it happens I got one off marketplace like new second hand).

For DH it's made all the difference. But he is also on meds for anxiety and is working with a psychologist too.
We had systems and processes in place but he struggled to use them. With the adhd meds and addressing the anxiety he can actually use them.

I strongly suspect I have ADHD but never sought a diagnosis so can't help re medication. I've got things way more under control on the house front in the last couple of years in two ways: first, I try to do 15 minutes a day of cleaning, using a timer on my phone. It's surprising how much you can do in 15 minutes, and it becomes much less daunting when you know you're spending a finite amount of time on it rather than running around for hours and still not getting it all done. In addition, once you know you can trust yourself to do this every day it becomes less of a big deal that you're leaving some jobs unfinished, because you know you can come back to them the next day instead of having to seize the opportunity to do absolutely everything while you're in a rare cleaning mood.

Second, this might sound completely bonkers but it really works for me - I have a to do flowchart. I often find myself getting stuck because, for example, I want to clear my dirty clothes off the floor, but I can't because the laundry bin is full, but I can't do the laundry until I've put away the clean clothes that are already hanging on the airers, and until I've put the airers away I also can't sweep the floor etc etc. So I turned this into a chart showing which uncompleted tasks block me from doing others. I started very simple, only including the kitchen and laundry, and slowly added more over time, so that now there's about 50-60 small tasks on it. Each one would take me between 2 and 15 minutes and if they were all done the house would be spotless.

It probably took me a couple of hours in total to create using a free diagram app on my phone, and now that it's made all I have to do is change the colours - orange for things I want to do ASAP, yellow for things that need doing but can wait, red for things that are preventing me from doing the orange things, blue for anything that's been completed. When the entire house is a disaster I really struggle with feeling overwhelmed and not knowing where to start, and this has made it soooo much better - just set my timer for 15 minutes, pick a red or orange task and go. Easy peasy!