Would ADHD medication help me feel less overwhelmed with housework and reduce my general anxiety?

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Diagnosed a few years ago. Just applied for medication and in the queue waiting to be seen.

I'm just so fed up with my incapability to tidy up the house. The tasks are so tedious and never ending. I feel paralysed just thinking about it and therefore most of the evenings I feel ashamed that I haven't done enough to change it.

Piles of laundries - just more and more; cluttering with toys, things I can't decide to throw away, shoes that need to be cleaned before being put away, picnic cool bags that need to be cleaned before store away, beddings that require mighty force to change and then a few hours to wash and then dry before they can go back to wardrobe, the garden that needs a tidy up before winter properly sets in, and the list goes on and on.

My husband is also bad at housework - he literally "doesn't see" and never voluntarily help with tidy up and he outright declared he can't do laundry even if he doesn't mind do cooking sometimes. But I'm drowning by all the tasks. And my ADHD just make me anxious but without the courage to put time in to do the chunk of work knowing there's no end. I don't dare to ask any friends or even DS's friends over without being prepared to spend hours to tidy up beforehand.

So, I know this post has become a rant rather than my initial intent about ADHD. And I don't plan to divorce my husband to find someone who's willing to help to marry.

So my only hope is the medication one day when I get my turn to be seen... Would it make housework easier and less overwhelming? I just feel so ashamed but trapped at the same time...

@Blueeyedgirl21 , They’re going to end up in landfill anyway at some point whether you take them to a charity shop and sOmeone buys it then chucks it later on or you Chuck it. It's probably a very valid point... A different perspective, I like it...

@psychomath , it does sound you have ADHD too. But it also sounds you ve managed wonderfully 🙂. The flowchart Idea is spot on. One of the biggest complaints of mine is the conditional chain - if you want A happen, you need to make sure B gets done first, but before that C needs to be in place. Gosh, it's just so draining. we live in a Victorian cottage, just not enough space to allow manoeuvring around or giving any extra leverage. Nothing can happen, unless from the bottom of the chain... Exhausting just by thinking about it.

Try the A slob comes clean podcast.

It's intended for people like you (us) and covers topics like feeling you're wasting money or resources when you get rid of things.

Cleaner here. One of my customers is recently diagnosed adhd at 35...her mh team suggested she get a cleaner.. She tells me her mh has never been so good since I started. I have been happy to follow her precise instructions and she has taken on board any suggestions I have had. She is back to work after a long time off sick from a fantastic career...
I only do 2 hours a week but she says that day she is 100 %stress free. Then she is mindful I am back in a few days again! Works for her.. She is actually moving in with her bf and has told him she is bringjng me too for my 2 hours!

I’m on Elvanse and it has helped my general anxiety and emotional regulation a lot.

I've wondered occasionally if I do have ADHD but never pursued it but I recognise a lot of what you say with housework, general life admin, guilt about chucking stuff away.
For me I find Christmas and birthdays quite stressful and not enjoyable - people asking me what I want as a gift, or trying to think of things to buy when really what I want is for someone to take all my pointless crap away, rather than spending money we don't have on stuff we don't need or want.
I recognise the reluctance to have visitors and friends over too, made worse by the fact our house is a renovation project that is taking YEARS.
We do try to focus on a priority space - our kitchen diner - that can be fairly tidy and welcoming, and keeping bathrooms clear, clean and hygienic. Everywhere else is a lower priority.
Don't worry about the garden at all - much better for wildlife that it isn't tidy over winter. You can say you are making a conscious decision to have a more nature friendly garden.
Meal boxes have made a massive difference - massively reduced the mental effort needed to think up what to cook every day, and all the ingredients are there in the right proportions.
Occasionally I go full on and bag up clothes, towels, shoes etc and take to Sally Army, also donating big pieces of furniture to the reclaim and hospice shops.
And I work on a 'one in two out' basis - no buying anything new unless I can think of two things I am going to get rid of first. That goes for clothes too - books are the only exception!

You're thinking about it backwards. We are great at big efforts in our house and terrible at daily consistency. So a cleaner weekly forces us to tidy enough so she can clean and then when I get a burst of energy I deal with the piles. Like often I clear the floor for her to clean by putting things on the couches and beds and then replace on the floor after. But the weekly scramble keeps us much more on track. There were a few weeks she was away and the house descended into disaster. So get the cleaner first and tidy second.

@WithFlamingLocksOfAuburnHair ,@Sprouttreesareamazing , point taken! It would actually work, just like the house is only sparkly clean when we have guests over. Same logic. Need a hard target regularly! Thank you!

I have adhd but haven’t tried medications. This might be a weird idea but I downloaded tiktok and started following a load of cleaning accounts (I only follow cleaning accounts, if I followed anything else I’d get stuck scrolling for hours without being able to stop). I find they’re great for giving me motivation. Seeing a house go from messy/dirty to tidy and clean is a real push for me. Some of the accounts I follow are cleaning companies and they go through techniques and show you which products they use. The videos are less than a min long which is great for someone with zero focus like me. I love a trip to home bargains or b&m to get new cleaning products, it’s a real dopamine hit.
The other thing I’ve done is dedicate one day per week to a certain room and spend as long as I can on that day cleaning/tidying that room. I’ll never make it perfect as I’m a busy mum, but even an hour a day is helping and eventually it will look perfect if I keep at it. Some rooms I’ll alternate fortnightly but some, like the living room and kitchen, have to be done every week. Another thing that’s helped is putting a laundry load on every night so it’s ready to go out in the morning. There was something else I was going to mention but in typical adhd style it’s slipped my mind 🤦🏽‍♀️ But I’ll come back and let you know if I remember!

I remembered! Haha. I always have a charity bag on the go on the corner of the living room behind the sofa where you can’t see it. Once it’s full I take it to the charity shop or if it’s just clothes to one of those Salvation Army clothes bins they have in the supermarket car parks.
If you do want to follow any of the cleaning tiktok people let me know and I’ll tell you who I follow for the motivation.

@psychomath the flowchart thing is absolutely genius! I'll be stealing that one from you ta very much 😁

Haha, sometimes more wonderfully than others 😅 Yes I'm in a two up two down mid terrace, so I feel you - there's barely space to get around when the floor is clear, which it almost never is! And decluttering is hard because there's nowhere to put the stuff you're getting rid of until you're able to physically remove it to the charity shop or the tip or wherever it's going. I don't drive either so it usually means wheeling stuff down in a suitcase or on the back of a bike, unless I can persuade a friend to give me a lift.

I would seriously recommend trying the flowchart. My original version was just for the kitchen and only included nine items, but it took so much of the mental work out, and once I'd done that I discovered that the physical tasks were actually really easy for the most part. I much prefer a diagram over a list because it lets me focus on one cluster of tasks at a time, whereas with a list I feel like I haven't succeeded until I've cleared everything. Listening to podcasts also helps a lot with reducing the tedium.

@froggedup no problem! I used the app DrawExpress Diagram Lite to make mine and found it really intuitive to use (despite the name not exactly rolling off the tongue) - I'm sure there's loads though.

The flow diagram sounds genius!
But I can’t picture how it would look with 50/60 tasks on.

I am also blocked by B if I want to
complete task A etc. Im
glad to see it’s not just me.

I love the flow chart idea!!!! I'm going to make one for myself. Thank you

@Rummikub outing myself as an absolute loon here but it currently looks like this As I said it started out much smaller and grew over time. The red arrows represent jobs that are blocking others - when the house is mostly tidy, like now, I don't rely on the arrows as much and use it more like a normal reminder list, but when I've let it get to a state of overwhelming disaster they really help me navigate my way out of the chaos.

Absolutely love it! The colours and the shapes alone make me excited 😆 @psychomath

@psychomath I'm going to try the app you suggested!

@psychomath i bloody love that! It makes me quite excited!
Thank you for posting that.

Haha glad you both like it! Not gonna lie, I kept trying to come up with excuses to make the system more complicated so I could use more colours I don't know why turning rectangles blue feels so much more motivating than crossing things off a list (or, yknow, having a tidy house ), but it really does.

I think mine would have a lot of red blocking jobs.

eg paperwork/ post sort.
Before that can happen I need to clear the hall, buy wall filers, fix to wall, open post. I’m ashamed to say I have about two years of post to open. (I open the ones that look important straightaway then they get ‘filed’ by the microwave.)

I really want to be one of those organised people.

I think cos it’s so visual.
if I start off with lots of red then bit by bit how exciting and motivating to see them turn blue!

i can see a system to rival Marie kondo!

I think the main issue here is you feel the clutter and chores control you. The thought of just getting started on something and you have no end in sight is far too overwhelming. I felt like this for a long long time, until I decided I would control the chores and not the other way around.

Set the timer. YOU decide how LONG you want to spend on doing a task, and when the timer stops STOP there and then.

I promise you, you will be surprised how much you can get done in short sharp bursts.

It has been literally life changing for me. I no longer feel overwhelmed, the biggest messes can be tackled in 10 to 12 minutes blitz. Even if I don't manage the full clear up in one go I know within a 24hour period at least using this method the job will be done.

I am about tackle the Christmas tree and decorations using this method.

Give it a go, you will be surprised at what you can do. And once you build more confidence you can work your way up to dealing with more complex tasks taking more time.

FantaTv · Yesterday 14:03
For example we have two of the same vacuums because sometimes the biggest block for me is going to get the vacuum from downstairs (I have ADHD) so I bought an upstairs vacuum.

😁😁

OP
I use three Flylady techniques. Don't go to the site! It's npw overcomplicated and you'll go down a rabbit hole. But her techniques are brilliant - designed for ADHD people.

Best one is % minute room rescue. Set an alarm/kitchen timer for 5 minutes and tidy the biigest ugliest most in the way stuff in a room - chuck out newspapers/hang up coats and bags, put away shoes you trip over etc. Keep going until the timer rings then stop. I often find the timer rings and I've already forgotten `i was supposed ot be tidying for 5 mins. If that happens, I set it 3x2mins, as I can concentrate for 2 mins.

I found it really eye opening how much better a room can look after only 5 mins. And you can't get overwhelmed. I often do a five minute room rescue in the bathroom, kitchen, hallway and living room, just to keep on top of them, and it really does make a difference.

The next technique is 27 thing fling. Just chuck out 27 things. You can set a timer for 10 mins if it helps. Things can be small e.g. 3 cottonwool buds, empty loo roll, or medium e.g. almost empty ancient shampoo bottle or big - motheaten towel. Each thing counts, whatever its size. Stop after 27.

Last one is 15 minutes to company ready - meaning how to make a room look acceptable to visitors in just 15 mins. For that you start with a 5 minute room rescue then spend 10 minutes hoovering the noticable bits, giving surfaces a quick wipe and polish and end wiht making a foacl point - maybe rug and cushions plumped on the sofa and a lit lamp, or a big vase of flowers and fruit bowl on the kitchen table, to guide the eye away from any clutter on shelves etc. Again, I find that really useful. I just did 5 'company ready' sessions today in preparation for DS coming back from uni. House was a filthy tip and I used to get over whelmed, but I knew I'd just do room rescues in his bedroom, kitchen, hall, bathroom and living room, and 10 minutes cleaning in each room. It was easy because I knew I didn't have time to do things like tidy a cupboard or clean out the fridge. And the house now looks fine, as if a neurotypical person lived here.