It'll be lonely this Christmas - a space for those of us having a quiet Christmas this year

[RosalindsAFuckingNightmare]

The best Christmas present I could have is a joyful family Christmas like those in the adverts. People wearing Christmas jumpers while huge steaming plates of food are handed around and everyone is laughing and happy with carols playing in the background. I've never had a Christmas like that but this year it looks like it will be the quietest one yet. Just me and DP. I'm so very thankful that I have a DP to share it with, following a horrible divorce a few years ago. My parents have long since passed away and I have no children. I thought I would create a space for us to talk about what it's like to not have the issues that dominate MN threads this time of year - the overbearing MIL, the vegan guest, how many presents is too many presents. Pull up a comfy seat and pour yourself a glass of whatever takes your fancy.

Thanks OP. I'm widowed and Christmases will be hard for me for the foreseeable future. Thanks to complicated families it'll just be me and my preschooler this year.

It's just me and DH here too. I've no DC (but by choice), the in-laws are elderly and stuck in their ways, my only sibling is no longer with us and DM is off having the time of her life post-retirement (and so she should!). DDad died at Christmas so this time of year can get quite hard.

Xdecd, I'm so sorry for your loss. I find it helpful to avoid situations where I might hear Christmas songs or carols. I use earbuds in the supermarket etc. Certain songs can really set me off. Is this the first year without your DH?

Rosalind You can still have a lovely time when there are just two of you. Will you have the customary turkey dinner this year or do you fancy starting your own tradition?

Well, I have my Christmas meat ordered from M&S (pheasant and partridge, one for Xmas, one for NY) and am steadily stashing stuff for my Christmas for one. Every year I tell myself don't buy so much food and every year the fridge is rammed and I don't have to shop for a week.

Have a carol service at Buckingham Palace (get me) on 19th, will go out and bring in the greenery on solstice, and the Big Event - the arrival of the holiday Radio Times!😆Had a nice cosy discussion on twitter last year about 'does anyone else highlight the programmes they want to watch? and I thought, I've found my people. Some discussion as to whether a spreadsheet was going too far...

Decent food, decent drink, a call from my brother in Oz. I have my own traditions now.

I've had the last few Christmases alone since my parents died. I'm single so no DP to share it with. Those big warm family Christmas ads make me feel really sad.

I have to admit I look at all the food in those and feel a bit ill. Come on here first thing on Christmas morning and the rows and bustups have already started.

MrsDanvers That all sounds lovely! I am also an RT highlighter - it's one of the things I really look forward to. The Sky TV guide can be very useful but it is no substitute for a nice thick mag!

Appalonia I know it's easy for me to say this but please don't feel sad - the ads are so far removed from real life. I'd like to see an ad showing the reality of it all - a hot mess of a mother stressing about timings and muttering under her breath that 'Dave never does a fucking thing, just sits there drinking and farting', a MIL moaning that the turkey is too dry, a 5yo announcing 'Muuuum, this is HORRIBLE' and a teen not looking up from their phone for the entire duration. It would probably be an ad for vodka! Perhaps we can help bring you a little cheer this Christmas?

I hear you OP. Thanks for creating this thread Xx

I shall be on my own. I'm a bit down about it if I'm honest. I have been invited to someone's house but I know how dysfunctional their marriage is and I can't sit there colluding with it. Urgh.

I'm having an open house for my neighbours on the 23fd. Just a few hours. A big pot of chilli , mulled wine, mince pies. I'm hoping anyone on their own will also call and join in.

My first Christmas single, 2 abusive ex
'S , DD (13) god father, closest family member has just been diagnosed with terminal cancer, were not sure if he will be here at xmas at the moment.

Dd does not know he is ill. She is already upset as her dad walked out on us on boxing day last year- she has seen him once since. He walked out and never looked back.

Im doing my best to be cheery for her. Tree is up. Zero presents bought yet. My work hAvnt authorised any requested leave yet ☹️

@pompomdaisy I would defo come to your open house. I love such things.

I was thinking of starting a thread for some support and ideas. I'm not sure I fit your criteria tho. I have dp who is disabled. Last year we started a quiet Christmas and ended up in hospital. He hates Christmas as his childhood was traumatic. He would happily sleep through.

I did have those big family Christmases as a child and even a young adult. But then I had dc with my ex who does not celebrate at all. My ds (21) does not celebrate and does not live with me. He usually sleeps or works on the day. My dd (18) like me, loves the family thing and so usually hops off to a big family somewhere and literally writes cards and gets presents for them as if they were mum and nanny. Which is mad I know. It's all such a mess and feels like it will never be resolved.

So this year I'm making Christmas nice for me. Except I don't know how yet.

I'm single, with no strong family or social ties. I will be on my own as I have been for most Christmases past. I like the idea of preparing to cook something special. I might do so.

Oh @tearsandtiaras that is bloody shit. This year for you will be very different. I hope you can hold dd close and make a loving if quiet time for you both.

We have just lost 2 close people. One young (20s) and one older (70s) but still a shock. I realise that the older one coming second has thrown the younger death into sharp relief (that he didn't get to live to his 70s and be found by friends on the bedroom floor). I realise that sounds weird.

I get what you did with the tile however spending it with your husband isn't being alone.

There are a few posters who are not having any company at all.

Name changed for this.

Exactly. I'd kill to be able to spend Christmas with my DP but he's abroad and has been for a year. I'll be spending Christmas alone.

If you read the OP, they clearly aren't talking about being alone at Xmas.

Although you can be lonely without being alone. Most of us have felt that.

This is going to be a wonderful space. I’m going to name change and come back but thank you for starting this thread.

I highlight the Radio Times!

I really don’t think we need to gate keep who can be lonely at Christmas or any time of year.

A chance to spoil yourself (within your financial limits).

I spent a lot of christmases alone, although I’m married with a little one now, and it is hard - I did get invitations but they were often faintly patronising (actually, not always even faintly so - I do take exception at being referred to as a waif or stray!) and being on the edge of someone else’s charity is a bitter pill no matter how tasty the cranberry sauce.

So I sympathise. It is hard, a lot of MN really won’t get it and never will.

binglebangle567:

Hoping the New Year will be the start of better times ahead.