It'll be lonely this Christmas - a space for those of us having a quiet Christmas this year

[RosalindsAFuckingNightmare]

The best Christmas present I could have is a joyful family Christmas like those in the adverts. People wearing Christmas jumpers while huge steaming plates of food are handed around and everyone is laughing and happy with carols playing in the background. I've never had a Christmas like that but this year it looks like it will be the quietest one yet. Just me and DP. I'm so very thankful that I have a DP to share it with, following a horrible divorce a few years ago. My parents have long since passed away and I have no children. I thought I would create a space for us to talk about what it's like to not have the issues that dominate MN threads this time of year - the overbearing MIL, the vegan guest, how many presents is too many presents. Pull up a comfy seat and pour yourself a glass of whatever takes your fancy.

One thing that I find hard in the run up to Christmas is the conversations with friends and acquaintances about what people are doing for Christmas.

I listen to their plans about spending the day with extended family and smile and nod and then put a positive spin on it just being the 3 of us for Christmas. Having to pretend like that makes me feel lonely.

I wish it was socially acceptable to briefly acknowledge that I wish we had extended family to spend time with over Christmas but are being positive and making the best of it.

Thank you for hearing.

We lost touch with lots of friends over lockdown too. It's okay to be sad about that and still be happy to have your own small family too. Both things can be true.

I went to the hairdressers yesterday and she asked me if I was having my family over for Christmas. I said I wasn't and tried to move the conversation on, but she asked me if I was going to them instead. I told her no, I don't have any family and she said "Oh that must be nice, no stress for you then". FFS.

Before I met DP and after my divorce I literally had one present to buy - my work Secret Santa. I posted about it at the time, under a different username, and recently saw a thread where someone was moaning about Secret Santa and someone said they remembered a post of someone who only had their Secret Santa to buy for. It made me sad to remember that that was me posting but also made me glad that I have a lovely DP to spend this year with.

I wish you all well.

RosalindsAFuckingNightmare thank you for this thread. Not much family on either side for DH and me.

Today is the first day. I will have my family but the warm weight on my feet as I prepare will be absent. This isn’t how I planned it. We were supposed to have had years yet.

We have a small Christmas now after losing my mum and sister in last few years they were the backbone of our Christmas. The last big family one was back in 2015 where it was my sister and her family, mum, brother and his family, my dd and her dad. Lovely noisy fun with presents being ripped open and general chaos.

Thank you. I have a feeling mum won't see another xmas but I am grateful to have had two lovely parents to raise me, I know that makes me very lucky.

PS I should add, when I first posted on here, I didn't think it would be mum's last.

But that prospect does make the lost friends thing even more scary!

I think you might be on the wrong thread.

I have volunteered at Xmas to avoid the boredom of family Xmas! I'd say tread carefully with it, especially as a lone woman.

A lack of empathy is a terrible thing

I can sympathise with the OP. My childhood Christmases were chaotic and fun (but with drink and drama thrown in) so I always find our Christmas quite sad and quiet.

I have just phoned my brother, who, for the first time in fifty-something years, will not be waking up on Christmas morning at our Mum's house.
She died earlier this year and it hit us both really hard. He always made the effort to travel down to stay with her over Christmas and many other times throughout the year. He phoned her twice a day, every day in the twenty years after she was widowed. We were both very close to her emotionally.
I don't really celebrate Christmas, but my children and grandchildren do, so I have people I love around me.
He's on his own, miles away, in his flat. Seems to be in good humour though, and we had a lot of laughs on the call.
He's making a turkey and vegetable casserole for himself tomorrow, apparently, with sprouts and stuffing balls on top 😁 Sounds like he's reinvented the day for himself.