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Original poster

It'll be lonely this Christmas - a space for those of us having a quiet Christmas this year

64 replies

RosalindsAFuckingNightmare · 07/12/2022 00:37

The best Christmas present I could have is a joyful family Christmas like those in the adverts. People wearing Christmas jumpers while huge steaming plates of food are handed around and everyone is laughing and happy with carols playing in the background. I've never had a Christmas like that but this year it looks like it will be the quietest one yet. Just me and DP. I'm so very thankful that I have a DP to share it with, following a horrible divorce a few years ago. My parents have long since passed away and I have no children. I thought I would create a space for us to talk about what it's like to not have the issues that dominate MN threads this time of year - the overbearing MIL, the vegan guest, how many presents is too many presents. Pull up a comfy seat and pour yourself a glass of whatever takes your fancy.

OP posts:
Resisterance · 07/12/2022 09:59

Just me and my son this Christmas. Single parenting after leaving his abusive father. Unable to see my parents as narcissist mother is horrible to me, so it's just us. Feeling horribly sad that we're such a tiny unit and can't give him the full happy family Christmas.

CocktailNapkin · 07/12/2022 10:26

Quiet for us as well - no family here, no kids, two cats who I have bought too many presents for, no real reason to buy each other gifts as we have everything we need/want. I go between wanting to make Christmas special and not caring. I did finish laying out the menu yesterday as we like to try something new each year and spend time cooking together, but I've cut way back this year in order to better manage food waste. It feels so early to be thinking about this stuff but I guess the big day is only in a bit more than two weeks!?

Every year I swear this is the last year we will be home and should book a flight heading out on the 25th to a beach somewhere, but nope, here we are again. I dont even know if its worth doing presents, though Im sure eventually Ill find something for partner.

Making a mumsnet pitstop every few hours during the day to see the chaos of: a) family party that didn't go off as planned b) tesco turkey arriving rotted or c)pet shenanigans is always a bit of fun, though I like to see the happy stories too.

MrsDanversGlidesAgain · 07/12/2022 10:30

*Every year I swear this is the last year we will be home and should book a flight heading out on the 25th to a beach somewhere, but nope, here we are again.

Same. This time last year - 'I am DEFINITELY going away for Christmas!'*

This week - 'OK, didn't make it away this Christmas but next year, DEFINITELY going away for it.'

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about these subjects:

Christmas Events & celebrations
thereisonlyoneofme · 07/12/2022 10:49

Ive spent Christmas alone for the last 10years, widowed, no family. It doesnt bother me, its just like an ordinary day but with worse telly! I actually feel quite relieved not going through all the angst that a lot of people go through at Christmas and all the expense !

mswhistledown · 07/12/2022 11:04

@MrsDanversGlidesAgain

A chance to spoil yourself (within your financial limits).

Yes, that's a positive spin on it. And I will try to perceive it this way and make this Christmas special for me. I already bought a pair of burgundy socks and two handbags for myself.
I hate cooking but will see what I can do on the food front. What's clear is this Christmas, I intend to be happy in my own company.
I'm 36 and looking inwards for my joy more than ever before.
Hope everyone has a lovely Christmas, whatever you decide to do or not do ❤️
Thanks!

EmmaAgain22 · 07/12/2022 11:10

I wasn't sure whether to post or not

I now find Christmas lonely due to lack of friends post lockdown

I will be with mum but she is sad without dad, while simultaneously wanting to match up to what she sees on TV. I just look forward to the day being over.

I dread the day I lose mum, but I have spent half a Xmas Day alone a couple of times and it was fine. Easier than trying to fake things that are based around commercialism anyway, if that makes sense?

EmmaAgain22 · 07/12/2022 11:12

thereisonlyoneofme · 07/12/2022 10:49

Ive spent Christmas alone for the last 10years, widowed, no family. It doesnt bother me, its just like an ordinary day but with worse telly! I actually feel quite relieved not going through all the angst that a lot of people go through at Christmas and all the expense !

Yes, I totally see why you'd feel that. I do hate what it's become. I'm 46. It used to just be a day off work. Mum tells me the Tube was running on Xmas Day in days of yore!

ClawedButler · 07/12/2022 11:28

I've had a few xmas days on my own. I took it as an opportunity to have a completely self-indulgent day, with not a single responsibility to anyone else. I lay in a hot bubble bath, smoking and drinking champagne - that was ace. I made myself an enormous dinner with everything cooked the way I like it, and no-one to comment on how much I was eating blah blah blah. I watched what I wanted to watch on the telly (no Bond films or Queen's speech). I rang a couple of people in the afternoon/early evening for a nice chat - that was lovely, and meant I didn't feel completely alone.

I found that the hardest part was politely turning down (as PPs have mentioned) well-intentioned invitations to other people's houses. Much as I appreciated it, the thought of being on the periphery of someone else's Christmas as a kind of sad charity case was just not what I wanted.

Social media is a good way to not feel quite so alone too - pour yourself some fizz and come on here, there are always people about. And, as PPs have also said, you see stories emerging of family fall-outs and other stresses and start to count yourself lucky that you don't have that crap to deal with.

Really little kids don't really know what xmas is about, and most kids will just enjoy having you to themselves for the whole day. Personally I think it's much more enjoyable to have a few fun games and get properly engaged and involved in what your kid(s) are doing than it is to have kids with piles of presents but no-one paying them much attention.

pinkdragon33 · 07/12/2022 11:29

It shouldn't be a race to the bottom about who is the loneliest!

For those who are alone, please remember it is just one day. It will pass.

pinkdragon33 · 07/12/2022 11:29

thereisonlyoneofme · 07/12/2022 10:49

Ive spent Christmas alone for the last 10years, widowed, no family. It doesnt bother me, its just like an ordinary day but with worse telly! I actually feel quite relieved not going through all the angst that a lot of people go through at Christmas and all the expense !

Agree!!

StarBar85 · 07/12/2022 12:16

I hope it’s ok to ask here - I’ve been seeing someone for about 6 weeks who will be totally alone on Christmas Day. I have DC from a previous abusive relationship so it’s not the right time to invite him round to my parents to spend the day with us all.

I feel terrible that he will be alone, also the anniversary of his mum’s death is early January, so I’m just thinking of ways I can make him feel better on the day from afar without also making it seem like pity??

we might be able to spend Boxing Day together if my DC go to their grandparents so what would be the best approach here?

Bunchamunchacarrots · 07/12/2022 16:59

Hi all. I am lucky to have DH and 3 year old DD. Yet, I am still dreading the loneliness of the Christmas period. It really highlights for me our complete lack of extended family and support network of friends.

I feel like 3 year old DD deserves better than this. All of the things like toddler groups and gym classes that I use to get DD out will be shut down for two weeks and I feel incredibly guilty that she will not be visiting extended family or having playdates like other children her age.

KateBain · 07/12/2022 17:14

@Bunchamunchacarrots - you're being too hard on yourself. 3 year olds only need their mums. Get out on walks, go to the park, cafe, bike rides. How lovely that the 3 of you get to spend some time together. Enjoy it.

EmmaAgain22 · 07/12/2022 17:24

Bunch "It really highlights for me our complete lack of extended family and support network of friends."

I hear that. I'm not sorry to have a tiny family but really miss having friends.

Veenah · 07/12/2022 17:31

It will be just me and DH this year. I know I'm very lucky to have him but I'm from a very big family and growing up Christmas was always a huge gathering and full of excitement, so I'm sad that my life has turned out so differently. We've been dealing with infertility and losses for years and Christmas is tough. It's tempting to not make an effort when it's just the two of us, but I want to make an effort for DH so it will be the full dinner and I'm trying to think of fun things for us to do.

CocktailNapkin · 07/12/2022 21:03

Its kind of nice to come up with your own traditions, though, some born out of necessity or being alone. I think what I miss is being able to spoil others and cook a bunch of tasty treats for them. Lord knows why - cutting back this year because Im tired of spending most of Christmas Eve and Day in the kitchen :)

Glad we didn't book those beach tickets this year - I see Border Force are on strike!

SunnyNights · 07/12/2022 21:37

@binglebangle567 glad you are now safe. Give those roast potatoes a try Smile

EmmaAgain22 · 07/12/2022 22:15

I see Matthew Bourne's Nutcracker is on on the day. I will have to encourage mum to nap then or she'll be asking "what's happening? Why are you watching this?"

I've had about half a dozen good Xmases with friends, but generally the only tradition I have is to find a way to make the day go quickly!

grosslyunfair · 07/12/2022 22:34

I lost my mum suddenly and recently. She had dementia and the loneliest Christmas I ever had was with her when she didn't really know what was going on. I'm single and childless and will spend the season with my brother and his wife and children: I love them but it isn't my Christmas. Next year I will be somewhere sunny.

I think a lot of us don't conform to the model even when we have family around us. My mum was never big on family Christmas but I break my heart every time I see an advert with a perfect extended family. It's a tough time of year for anyone missing people or alone or feeling lonely

Redwineandroses · 07/12/2022 22:36

My dsis and bil are married but childless through choice. They've made their own little Christmas traditions and very much enjoy the time of year with their cat and they are more than happy.

Don't feel like Christmas is always about big families with big traditions. One of nicest Christmas days I've ever had was 2 years ago when I spent Xmas day alone drinking champagne and watching a film as my it was exs turn to have the dc. I had them boxing day but I still enjoyed Xmas day alone (with a bit of much needed peace!)

Xdecd · 07/12/2022 23:07

@RobertaFirmino it's my second Christmas as a widow, last year I tried to ignore it altogether but that wouldn't be fair on my daughter now, she's old enough to be looking forward to father Christmas coming.

Deathraystare · 08/12/2022 07:53

Well I am usually on my tod for Christmas. I thought this year I was not going to work as I normally do, but one of the receptionists at last had her hip op and is now resting/being totally spoilt by her family so I am doing her Christmas slot - well Christmas Eve and Christmas Day.

I am Pescatarian but don't bother with a roast alternative. Instead I prefer 'picky bits'.

I have already got some coriander and mushroom rolls (like crispy Chinese rolls) and some Prawn toasts from M&S and will look for more. Also inspired by another thread on Christmas food I shall have cheese and silverskin onion sticks. I will also buy a couple of tiny Christmas puds and maybe some blini and smoked salmon.

I have a number of Christmas CDs (pop and classical) plus two Ballet CDs (Nutcracker and Swan Lake - Matthew Bourne) to enjoy when I get home.

I feel a need for a delivery of Thai food on Christmas Day for the evening. Hope I can make that happen, as I share a kitchen and I know I won't be able to get in there before too late in the evening. I guess he will be around on the day, he rarely goes out at all.

I will also bring out my colouring books and pencils to while away the hours.

Deathraystare · 08/12/2022 07:55

@binglebangle567

Sorry you have a shit family. At least you will be safe where you are.

You don't have to make roasties yourself. Think of the mess etc. Get some Aunt Bessies!!!

Deathraystare · 08/12/2022 07:57

Sorry to all those whose Christmases are ruined by awful family/lost loved ones.

Not all of us get the Christmases we would want.

I miss our old Christmas before children came along and we would play games, slurp cocktails etc etc. Oh well, never mind!

Deathraystare · 08/12/2022 08:01

@ClawedButler ·

I've had a few xmas days on my own. I took it as an opportunity to have a completely self-indulgent day, with not a single responsibility to anyone else. I lay in a hot bubble bath, smoking and drinking champagne - that was ace. I made myself an enormous dinner with everything cooked the way I like it, and no-one to comment on how much I was eating blah blah blah. I watched what I wanted to watch on the telly (no Bond films or Queen's speech). I rang a couple of people in the afternoon/early evening for a nice chat - that was lovely, and meant I didn't feel completely alone.

That is a good way of looking at it as a self indulgent day! I might actually get around to putting on a face mask or two!