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Original poster

Is my child regressing? Heartbroken

108 replies

Genners · 03/12/2022 23:33

My (just turned) 5 yo DD used to be a bubbly child, very social, very excited about everything, confident and bright.

She started school in Sept and she was very excited to go every single day. Then slowly became more anxious and 3 months later her teacher is saying she is very quiet and very reluctant to put her hand up. She is learning and progressing so I don't think I have major concerns about that.

However, she does drama on Fridays after school. She's been doing that since she was 4. This term they worked towards a play which we watched yesterday. I had some concerns about her not really engaging, but hoped she'll at least do a bit of singing. Throughout the whole play, which lasted about 20 mins, she was 'away with the fairies', swinging from one leg to the other, stimming, flapping her hands and being completely disengaged from everything. I don't think she actually understood what was going on! I was hearthbroken watching her.

I should mention she has flapped her hands before (usually with excitement) and she does go into her own little world sometimes, but this was so completely shocking as no one there ever mentioned this to me and we are not allowed to watch until end of term. Seeing all the kids having a go (some one them are only 4) and her being completely off really worried me.

The other day I was passing by the school just after lunch and I saw her away from all the other kids, into her own little world running back and forth, mumbling something to herself. I talked to her through the gates just briefly and asked what was she doing, she couldn't answer, obviously she was surprised to see me.

I'm just worried sick. Anyone can relate to that? Is this a regression? Can ASD signs present later?

She hit all the milestones on time, she was an early talker, always social, always bubbly, always engaged.

I just don't know what to do and how to help her. I've decided to have a break from drama from next term, which is a shame as I got the impression she enjoyed it.

OP posts:
minipie · 03/12/2022 23:55

I think you need to take a deep breath and wait and see. It could be ASD that has only shown up at school age (many DC with ASD are not diagnosed till school age or even their teens) OR it could be that she’s exhausted from her first term at school and is disengaged due to that. Covid may also have had an impact. Wait and see how she is next term and maybe ask to meet with her teacher in say February?

Why drop drama if she enjoys it?

Ialwayswannasometimes · 04/12/2022 00:01

Have you looked into PANDAS? It's an auto immune issue that can present like autism.

Dontaskdontget · 04/12/2022 00:05

My DD had a huge regression when she started school. For a sensitive child (or anyone!) being shut in a room with 30 strangers and not allowed to leave is pretty traumatic. My DD also spent the entire nativity play leg swinging / poking the xmas tree and ignoring everyone else. Started having toilet problems too. The trith is, age 4-5 is way too you lng for full time school, very few countries do this.

She may just be taking time to settle, do raise it with the teacher. Or, the school may not be the best fit for her, do keep an eye out for anywhere quieter and smaller which may suit her better.

Ugh. The UK education system is shit and by the time they’re teenagers, 25% will have a mental health problem. The problem is not your daughter it’s the school system.

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about these subjects:

5 year olds Families
Original poster
Genners · 04/12/2022 00:07

Ialwayswannasometimes · 04/12/2022 00:01

Have you looked into PANDAS? It's an auto immune issue that can present like autism.

I haven't heard about it, I'll look into it. Thank you

OP posts:
Original poster
Genners · 04/12/2022 00:09

Dontaskdontget · 04/12/2022 00:05

My DD had a huge regression when she started school. For a sensitive child (or anyone!) being shut in a room with 30 strangers and not allowed to leave is pretty traumatic. My DD also spent the entire nativity play leg swinging / poking the xmas tree and ignoring everyone else. Started having toilet problems too. The trith is, age 4-5 is way too you lng for full time school, very few countries do this.

She may just be taking time to settle, do raise it with the teacher. Or, the school may not be the best fit for her, do keep an eye out for anywhere quieter and smaller which may suit her better.

Ugh. The UK education system is shit and by the time they’re teenagers, 25% will have a mental health problem. The problem is not your daughter it’s the school system.

Thank you for sharing your story and for your advice. I totally agree, full time school for kids so young is crazy.

OP posts:
Original poster
Genners · 04/12/2022 00:09

@Dontaskdontget May I ask how is your DD now? x

OP posts:
Whateverusername · 04/12/2022 01:02

I could have written your post, aside from my Dd is 4 and recently started pre school part time. She has also started to present some of these behaviours, but only some of the time and only since she started school or just after. She’s also v bright, starting talking very early etc, she was very confident and happy and now is angry a lot and quite moody. I don’t know if it’s something more…we’re waiting a little longer to see, we had a meeting with her teacher who said she hasn’t noticed anything but that it’s early days. My Dd is very sociable but often tells me she plays alone and pretends to be a dog (she’s been doing this a lot recently)
Did your Dd show any signs when younger?

Whateverusername · 04/12/2022 01:05

What stimming was she doing during the play?

Original poster
Genners · 04/12/2022 07:33

Whateverusername · 04/12/2022 01:05

What stimming was she doing during the play?

Swinging from one leg to the other and flapping hands. She was standing, but if she sat she would have probably rocked back and forth.

OP posts:
lightand · 04/12/2022 07:38

What is she like at home?
Does she have siblings?

Original poster
Genners · 04/12/2022 07:40

Whateverusername · 04/12/2022 01:02

I could have written your post, aside from my Dd is 4 and recently started pre school part time. She has also started to present some of these behaviours, but only some of the time and only since she started school or just after. She’s also v bright, starting talking very early etc, she was very confident and happy and now is angry a lot and quite moody. I don’t know if it’s something more…we’re waiting a little longer to see, we had a meeting with her teacher who said she hasn’t noticed anything but that it’s early days. My Dd is very sociable but often tells me she plays alone and pretends to be a dog (she’s been doing this a lot recently)
Did your Dd show any signs when younger?

Sorry to hear about your DD. I think keeping an eye on her and see how she progresses in a good idea.

DD was totally fine at pre school and loved it. She did show stimming behaviours since she was younger but because she was so social and 'normal' in every other way, we thought it was just excitement.

Clearly isn't excitement. It was heartbreaking watching her in the play. She did another play when she was 4.5 yo and she even had a line and carried herself beautifully. I really don't understand what is going on.

OP posts:
GAH3 · 04/12/2022 07:42

Have you mentioned anything to her teacher? I'd definitely say something, including about her playing alone. If it isn't anything "medical" then the most likely cause is stress from school, so a bit more support in the class and playground would definitely be beneficial (and would be even if it is medical of course).

Original poster
Genners · 04/12/2022 07:43

lightand · 04/12/2022 07:38

What is she like at home?
Does she have siblings?

She doesn't have any siblings.

At home she is her usual self, sometimes gets emotional about small things but we haven't seen a massive change in her behaviour.

OP posts:
lifeinthehills · 04/12/2022 07:45

Ialwayswannasometimes · 04/12/2022 00:01

Have you looked into PANDAS? It's an auto immune issue that can present like autism.

That's interesting. Sounds a lot like my autistic child. As it starts in childhood, is that something they grow out of, or does it last for life?

milkandchocolat · 04/12/2022 07:47

Are you sure it's not tiredness and overwhelm from starting school? Just saying that because my dd also started in September and her personality visibly changes as she gets more and more tired towards the end of the term - she is moody, quiet and emotional. Other than that, I have no advice, just accept her for who she is, children don't always behave as we want or expect them to, and give her lots of reassurance and support.

lifeinthehills · 04/12/2022 07:48

How does she demographically fit into the school environment? I spent a lot of time alone at school as I was always different to everyone else, had different things, which was picked out as early as day one by the other kids. My parents sent me to a school of a much higher socioeconomic level than we were.

Original poster
Genners · 04/12/2022 07:50

GAH3 · 04/12/2022 07:42

Have you mentioned anything to her teacher? I'd definitely say something, including about her playing alone. If it isn't anything "medical" then the most likely cause is stress from school, so a bit more support in the class and playground would definitely be beneficial (and would be even if it is medical of course).

I asked her teacher about her behaviour and and she did say she is very quiet and seems a bit anxious. Her teacher is a bit harsh from what I see and I think DD is a bit scared of her so this might have had an impact.

She started school on a high, she was putting her hand up, she was answering questions, she used to get 'well done' and 'great' stickers for counting, phonics etc. This has completely stopped 2 months ago.

Don't know how to approach her teacher about it, she always seems unavailable.

OP posts:
Original poster
Genners · 04/12/2022 07:56

lifeinthehills · 04/12/2022 07:48

How does she demographically fit into the school environment? I spent a lot of time alone at school as I was always different to everyone else, had different things, which was picked out as early as day one by the other kids. My parents sent me to a school of a much higher socioeconomic level than we were.

We live in a middle class area and we are all more or less on the same level. I'm a stay at home mum, I gave up my job when she was born as I wanted to give her the best start in life. We always had lots of adventures, holidays, trips to the zoo/adventure playgrounds, she's always done classes which she loved and she used to go to a private nursery part time before joining the pre-school at her primary.

I don't think she has any reason to feel like she doesn't fit in from this point of view.

OP posts:
MintJulia · 04/12/2022 08:02

It's almost the end of her first time. Most of the little ones are exhausted and badly need a break. It's probably nothing more.

Just make sure she has a quiet Christmas with lots of time at home, just family. Keep to bed times, let her sleep in if she wants to. Don't worry x

MintJulia · 04/12/2022 08:02

... first term....

Mummy2C · 04/12/2022 08:05

Girls are well known to be difficult to diagnose with autism. They often present differently. How is she with other people? Grandparents etc? To get assessed the children often need a term or more of evidence. Make a note of your concerns and ask to see teacher and sendco.

GorgeousLadyofWrestling · 04/12/2022 08:06

I don’t think it’s quite the same but my five year old is now in Y1 and is being assessed for selective mutism. She didn’t speak at all during Reception and has barely spoken in Y1 so far. Yet at home she is chatty and articulate, bossy even at times. When the school contacted me about wanting to intervene, it was a huge shock - but when I read up on it, it explains a lot of problems we were having with her behaviour at home.

It’s definitely worth speaking to her teacher if you feel you’re seeing her present behaviours that are concerning you. We just knew deep in our bones that something was different with her - we have two other children who are very typical in their behaviour but DC3 would just respond to things so differently, in such extreme ways.

boboshmobo · 04/12/2022 08:11

There are a myriad of genetic conditions that cause regression sadly but is she like this at home or just at school?
How does she compare to her peers overall?

Ask your gp for a referral to a developmental paediatrician if you are sure she needs some help .

RambamThankyouMam · 04/12/2022 08:14

Why is it heartbreaking? She was just being herself and expressing herself. Autism/ASD isn't a death sentence.

Ilovechoc12 · 04/12/2022 08:16

In the nicest way - any family relatives with ASD / parents? ....

Does she actually like drama now? Things change. Maybe the full stage thing is just too overwhelming now - maybe she will like crafts / sports - maybe ask her if she enjoys it.

Teachers make a massive impact of children hope next year one is slightly more personable.

ASD often gets diagnosed later on in school or beyond as that's when it starts to show / need adaptions to help....

Good luck - might as well get your name down on wait list to diagnose / eliminate ....