Is my child regressing? Heartbroken

[Genners]

My (just turned) 5 yo DD used to be a bubbly child, very social, very excited about everything, confident and bright.

She started school in Sept and she was very excited to go every single day. Then slowly became more anxious and 3 months later her teacher is saying she is very quiet and very reluctant to put her hand up. She is learning and progressing so I don't think I have major concerns about that.

However, she does drama on Fridays after school. She's been doing that since she was 4. This term they worked towards a play which we watched yesterday. I had some concerns about her not really engaging, but hoped she'll at least do a bit of singing. Throughout the whole play, which lasted about 20 mins, she was 'away with the fairies', swinging from one leg to the other, stimming, flapping her hands and being completely disengaged from everything. I don't think she actually understood what was going on! I was hearthbroken watching her.

I should mention she has flapped her hands before (usually with excitement) and she does go into her own little world sometimes, but this was so completely shocking as no one there ever mentioned this to me and we are not allowed to watch until end of term. Seeing all the kids having a go (some one them are only 4) and her being completely off really worried me.

The other day I was passing by the school just after lunch and I saw her away from all the other kids, into her own little world running back and forth, mumbling something to herself. I talked to her through the gates just briefly and asked what was she doing, she couldn't answer, obviously she was surprised to see me.

I'm just worried sick. Anyone can relate to that? Is this a regression? Can ASD signs present later?

She hit all the milestones on time, she was an early talker, always social, always bubbly, always engaged.

I just don't know what to do and how to help her. I've decided to have a break from drama from next term, which is a shame as I got the impression she enjoyed it.

If the teacher is like this then please bear in mind that your child, who is very very young, is having to find ways of dealing with this all day every day. I would not like to have to do that at work, even tough I am a sentient adult!

Haven't read the full thread but I find it worrying that you'd think it's some sort of autism from the change OP when she's been sociable etc up till she started school. I agree with a PP that 4/5 is far too young to be left with strangers for most of their waking week. As well as other kids, overstimulation etc. she might just not be taking to school well. If you're a stay at home mum could you defer her for a year? See how that impacts her then take it from there?

I would have thought joining school for the first time in a class where everyone has already done a year would be even more stressful.

I know this is old but came across it as I have a niece who seems to be ‘regressing.’ How is your DD now OP?

My DD1 was similar when she started preschool. I was constantly worried about selective mutism. She got through the next few years of school but never really thrived, and by year 3 was getting really anxious and not actually learning/gaining anything from school, so we made the decisiion to try home education for her and her 2 younger sisters. They all thrived and are now successful adults. She probably has ADHD but has no diagnosis, and the school system just wasn't for her.

Hi all, wow, this is an old thread :). Lots has happened since I first posted! We moved DD to an independent school in the summer term in Reception. Her new school and we think she is ND, mild ASD and possibly ADHD combined.

She's thriving at her new school, class is only 15 girls, she's doing well academically, ahead in some areas but struggles socially. She's still a very sociable girls, loves interaction, but she's young for her age, very literal and was even bullied last year. She always connects better with kids who are either younger or much older (who take her under their wings). School are giving her some social support and are making some class adjustments in terms of who she is paired with, who she sits with etc. Some girls can be disruptive or not very kind which can impact her work or concentration.

She's an ambitious girl, wants to do well academically and socially but is starting to realise she's a bit different. She's desperate to fit in.

We had lots of ups and downs in the last 3 years or so and I'm still shocked at the fact that neither previous nurseries nor us ever suspected she's ND. In hindsight, there were potentially some early signs but because she was so verbal, so bright and sociable, we had no idea.

No sure what future holds, I'm sure there will be lots of ups and downs along the way but we are embracing who she is and do our best to support her.

Thanks for the update OP. I’m glad to hear she is doing well but sad to hear of the bullying. Is it private school you moved her to? I thought they typically weren’t great for SEN children but I probably shouldn’t have judged them, I just heard this from someone else.

Thank you. Yes, she's in a private school. All private schools are different, some aren't great for SEN kids, some are very inclusive.

Her current school weren't very open to SEN historically, but are becoming more inclusive especially now with the VAT added on fees, they'd struggle for pupils. Also DD is a delight at school, super kind and helpful and well behaved and has a great relationship with her teachers. They do treat her especially kindly and look after her. I think she'd not have 'survived' at her previous school with 30 kids in the class (some very disruptive) and a very cold teacher.