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Original poster

We will all (hopefully) get old.

83 replies

dancingqueen123 · 02/12/2022 21:25

And it's fucking crap.
Currently watching my beloved parents navigate a crumbling NHS along with declining health and my mother trying to hold it all together with our support.
She's quite down about it at the moment and as much as I'm here for her & would do pretty much anything either if them need me to do.... it's just horrible getting old isn't it.

I'm wondering what the answer is.

OP posts:
user1471453601 · 02/12/2022 21:32

I've said many many times that getting old is no job for wimps. You have to.be pretty tough. My health isn't great, my mobility is worse, and my hearing is worse still. But I keep buggering on, because I'm stubborn

ZenNudist · 02/12/2022 21:34

Well it's better than the alternative

Original poster
dancingqueen123 · 02/12/2022 21:36

It certainly isn't for wimps!
My Mum is also caring for my Dad & it's so sad that they can't just be spending their latter years travelling the world or something. They've both given so much to society in their youth and to us all our lives.

I just wish there was more I could do to make it happier for them

OP posts:
AuntieMarys · 02/12/2022 21:37

ZenNudist · 02/12/2022 21:34

Well it's better than the alternative

Is it though? Quality all the way for me. I don't want to shuffle on relentlessly, in pain or worse, with my mind fucked. A burden to everyone.

Original poster
dancingqueen123 · 02/12/2022 21:39

ZenNudist · 02/12/2022 21:34

Well it's better than the alternative

I have thought this to myself.
But it sounds a bit unsympathetic doesn't it.
It's not really helpful to say this to an octogenarian. She knows!

OP posts:
SilverSalver · 02/12/2022 21:39

I absolutely hear you.
My mother had me when she was 22, so when she reached her 80s was only 22 years older than me. This sounds, and probably is, very selfish, but I found it incredibly depressing watching her declined into old age and end of life. It was like I was looking through a window to my not so distant future.
Her world grew smaller and smaller as her health declined. She died in 2020 after an appalling year of collapse / hospital / decline / repeat.

Frankly I want an exit strategy when it comes to my turn.

Original poster
dancingqueen123 · 02/12/2022 21:39

@AuntieMarys quite.

OP posts:
Original poster
dancingqueen123 · 02/12/2022 21:40

SilverSalver · 02/12/2022 21:39

I absolutely hear you.
My mother had me when she was 22, so when she reached her 80s was only 22 years older than me. This sounds, and probably is, very selfish, but I found it incredibly depressing watching her declined into old age and end of life. It was like I was looking through a window to my not so distant future.
Her world grew smaller and smaller as her health declined. She died in 2020 after an appalling year of collapse / hospital / decline / repeat.

Frankly I want an exit strategy when it comes to my turn.

I'm sorry @SilverSalver 💛

OP posts:
HyggeandTea · 02/12/2022 21:42

It's down to a fair bit of luck, genes and attitude.

My aunt died recently at 80, she spent the last few years in China teaching English at a university - it was a chance conversation with a stranger on the Trans-Siberian railway that led to that happening! She looked 15 years younger and lived life far better than many 50 years younger.
My mum, not so lucky. Plagued with ill health and died in her 60s after 10 years of pain.
Luck, genes and attitude played a part in both x

Original poster
dancingqueen123 · 02/12/2022 21:46

They are both in their 80's. So they've lived long lives. I'm just sad for them. Everything about it just seems so crappy!

That said we have lovely times together and they spend lot of quality time with their grandchildren who adore them.

I just wish it wasn't such a struggle getting anything out of our health & social care systems for them.

OP posts:
BobbyBobbyBobby · 02/12/2022 21:50

The answer for me is Dying in Dignity.

When my quality of life deteriorates I shall take control of my destiny and or have loved ones to help me.

www.dignityindying.org.uk

BobbyBobbyBobby · 02/12/2022 21:50

Dignity in Dying I meant ^^

Globetrotterwitch · 02/12/2022 21:52

This reply has been deleted

This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines.

CrookCrane · 02/12/2022 21:53

ZenNudist · 02/12/2022 21:34

Well it's better than the alternative

I’m really not sure it is.

Cleebope2 · 02/12/2022 21:55

Old can be in your sixties, seventies or eighties, can’t it? I think living until your 80s with family and friends who care about you is the best we can hope for in life. End of life care is part of living. I don’t like the idea of euthanasia for humans although I totally respect people who opt for it.

Original poster
dancingqueen123 · 02/12/2022 21:56

Thanks @Globetrotterwitch
Am doing all that. Bar the therapy.
It's just sad.

OP posts:
Cuppasoupmonster · 02/12/2022 21:56

How old are they OP and what’s happened? You might be able to get some advice if you’re more specific. But yes it’s depressing watching elderly relatives slowly die 💐

Original poster
dancingqueen123 · 02/12/2022 21:57

Cleebope2 · 02/12/2022 21:55

Old can be in your sixties, seventies or eighties, can’t it? I think living until your 80s with family and friends who care about you is the best we can hope for in life. End of life care is part of living. I don’t like the idea of euthanasia for humans although I totally respect people who opt for it.

I think we should all have the choice. That's for sure.

OP posts:
Original poster
dancingqueen123 · 02/12/2022 21:59

Cuppasoupmonster · 02/12/2022 21:56

How old are they OP and what’s happened? You might be able to get some advice if you’re more specific. But yes it’s depressing watching elderly relatives slowly die 💐

I'm just wondering how we make it better in general, for everyone.
Do we not want to change things? We will all get there if we live long enough. Just being sad and contemplate I guess.

OP posts:
butterfliedtwo · 02/12/2022 21:59

ZenNudist · 02/12/2022 21:34

Well it's better than the alternative

That really depends. I have no desire to be old. Chronic pain and disability is already making life hard. Forty odd more years of it does not appeal. But that's me.

CrookCrane · 02/12/2022 22:02

Cleebope2 · 02/12/2022 21:55

Old can be in your sixties, seventies or eighties, can’t it? I think living until your 80s with family and friends who care about you is the best we can hope for in life. End of life care is part of living. I don’t like the idea of euthanasia for humans although I totally respect people who opt for it.

For many people they can’t access dignitas and don’t have anyone who would “help” them die with dignity at home. There is definitely an issue with people becoming too infirm to manage it. The idea of having to do it before you’re really ready is horrible. I don’t know what the answer is to that. Other than we should have better services for our elderly, both social care and the NHS.
As a society we need to recognise that families are so often unable to take on the caring that used to happen generations ago. Most families with elderly parents both work now. They don’t have the time or the space to have parents move in with them, so they can care for them full time. Plus families often don’t live close to each other like they used to, having moved for work or because house prices are unaffordable. I live on the edge of a National park and can’t afford to buy and neither will my children be able to. So no doubt they’ll move away in the future.

Mañanarama · 02/12/2022 22:03

ZenNudist · 02/12/2022 21:34

Well it's better than the alternative

Another one who disagrees with this statement.

I would rather be dead than be in constant pain. I’d rather be dead than have advanced dementia or be physically and mentally incapacitated. I’d rather be dead than have my kids worrying about me or feeling obliged to care for me. And I’d rather be dead than spending thousands a month on care home fees.

There’s a lot to be said for being dead instead of suffering.

MadelineUsher · 02/12/2022 22:06

You lot seriously need to meet a broader variety of older people. There is an element of luck/bad luck, but also so much a person can do to mitigate the ravages of aging. I meet happy, sprightly 85 plus year olds in dance and yoga classes, and my friend's mother is that age and gaily lifting weights most days.

NannyGythaOgg · 02/12/2022 22:28

Definitely agree we should have the choice.

I'm 67 and reasonably fit but still hope I don't wake up in the morning. If I knew I could legally make the choice when I wanted to, I would be a much happier person now - and for potentially up to the next 20 years.

Knowing I am not allowed to choose impacts on my enjoyment of life now - when everything is actually fine.

UsingChangeofName · 02/12/2022 22:29

Sorry OP, your thread seems to be going off at a tangent, but I agree with so many other pps who don't agree it is better than the alternative.

I am a supporter of Dying with Dignity, and personally would love for what is being asked for to be extended a lot further.

However, back to the OP, no, it is no fun getting old whether that state comes to you in your 60s, 70s, 80s, or you have been lucky enough to be fit and well in to your 90s. When it comes, it is not nice.