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Original poster

We will all (hopefully) get old.

83 replies

dancingqueen123 · 02/12/2022 21:25

And it's fucking crap.
Currently watching my beloved parents navigate a crumbling NHS along with declining health and my mother trying to hold it all together with our support.
She's quite down about it at the moment and as much as I'm here for her & would do pretty much anything either if them need me to do.... it's just horrible getting old isn't it.

I'm wondering what the answer is.

OP posts:
Hbh17 · 02/12/2022 22:32

Why on earth is getting old "better than the alternative"? There is nothing to fear in death, and simply the satisfaction of knowing there will be no further suffering. I seriously do not intend to get old(er) and can only hope that the law will change to become more sensible and compassionate.

Applecottagetree · 02/12/2022 22:34

Yes to Dying in Dignity, we need assisted euthanasia. My friend died of cancer relatively young, and it was a unnecessarily horrendous death. I wish she could have made a choice to go a couple of weeks earlier and save herself, and her family and friends the awful pain of how she died. We don't put pets through it so why humans. It was no benefit to anyone.

jevoudrais · 02/12/2022 22:36

I interpreted the 'better than the alternative' as growing old being a privilege. There are plenty of people who die so young they never get to see out the best years of their life.

I do volunteer work and currently have a 90+ year old lady who is deaf and blind that I see. I am under no illusion how cruel getting older can be. But I will be thankful for every birthday I get to have, because my brother's last birthday was his 31st, which was no age.

tunnocksreturns2019 · 02/12/2022 22:37

Hbh17 · 02/12/2022 22:32

Why on earth is getting old "better than the alternative"? There is nothing to fear in death, and simply the satisfaction of knowing there will be no further suffering. I seriously do not intend to get old(er) and can only hope that the law will change to become more sensible and compassionate.

Um, because my DH was 37 and our kids 5 and 7 when he died?

I do see that old age can be exceptionally challenging though.

Probablymagrat · 02/12/2022 22:43

I probably won't get very old due to a health condition. I can't say I'm too sorry about it. Whats the point of living for a long time in pain, if a long life meant more youth Id be all for it, but it doesnt, you just get longer at the shit end.

Original poster
dancingqueen123 · 02/12/2022 22:45

Applecottagetree · 02/12/2022 22:34

Yes to Dying in Dignity, we need assisted euthanasia. My friend died of cancer relatively young, and it was a unnecessarily horrendous death. I wish she could have made a choice to go a couple of weeks earlier and save herself, and her family and friends the awful pain of how she died. We don't put pets through it so why humans. It was no benefit to anyone.

I'm so sorry 💛

OP posts:
anexcellentwoman · 02/12/2022 22:45

The depressing thing is how widespread ageism is amongst some young people. I find some of the threads on MN show such a lack of empathy from the young towards the old. Any one remember the thread from a young mum complaining about her 101 year old grandma (or great grandma) because the centenarian had said something tactless? Such horrible comments calling the old lady a cunt and the like. It is a very rare centenarian that hasn't got some degree of vascular dementia. Another thread complaining about a ninety year old grandmother who had fallen asleep in charge of a toddler and was berated on here for irresponsibility. I honestly think many posters on here cannot imagine what it means to be old. There is so much ageism. If our society was kinder and more empathetic to the old it might make life easier for the very elderly.

Original poster
dancingqueen123 · 02/12/2022 22:46

UsingChangeofName · 02/12/2022 22:29

Sorry OP, your thread seems to be going off at a tangent, but I agree with so many other pps who don't agree it is better than the alternative.

I am a supporter of Dying with Dignity, and personally would love for what is being asked for to be extended a lot further.

However, back to the OP, no, it is no fun getting old whether that state comes to you in your 60s, 70s, 80s, or you have been lucky enough to be fit and well in to your 90s. When it comes, it is not nice.

Completely agree.

OP posts:
Original poster
dancingqueen123 · 02/12/2022 22:47

Also agree @anexcellentwoman 💛👍

OP posts:
Remaker · 02/12/2022 22:55

My mum is 87 and about to move into a care home and she still says it’s better than the alternative. She’s actually quite fed up with people who think that everyone should just ‘die with dignity’ and get out of the way when they’re old. She’s not in pain, she just needs help with daily tasks and the security of people close by if she falls. Her mind is sharp just the body weakening.

I think that euthanasia should be available for those who want it but if we invested more in care for the elderly you might find fewer people wanting to die!

UsingChangeofName · 02/12/2022 22:59

@jevoudrais and @tunnocksreturns2019 I am very sorry for your losses.

I don't think anyone is disputing that living a "normally expected life-span" is what we all want for everyone. Losing someone so young is heart-breaking, and no-one on this thread would say otherwise.

What people are disputing is whether it is better to be kept in some sort of state of 'existing' when you are no longer able to "live well".

Now, everyone's opinion of what 'living well' is will vary, and obviously there is a huge range of opinion about who, when, and how people might be offered the choice of ending their pain and frustration. Not everyone wants to be kept alive at all costs when they reach this "being old" stage (which comes to people at different actual ages).

Countingdowntodecember · 02/12/2022 23:04

I agree it’s rubbish for many, but a lot is down to luck.

In my family half the people seem to be healthy and mobile for a really long time… until suddenly they’re not and they quickly die. This is what I’m hoping for. Unfortunately the other half seem to die of cancer fairly young, which is a huge shame.

I do think, as a society, we need to look at how we treat illnesses in elderly people though. We seem to value length of life over quality far too much. This leaves people limping on, in and out of hospital and suffering when it might be kinder to say goodbye (easy to say when I’m relatively young, I guess. Who knows how I’ll feel in the future).

Honeyroar · 02/12/2022 23:05

MadelineUsher · 02/12/2022 22:06

You lot seriously need to meet a broader variety of older people. There is an element of luck/bad luck, but also so much a person can do to mitigate the ravages of aging. I meet happy, sprightly 85 plus year olds in dance and yoga classes, and my friend's mother is that age and gaily lifting weights most days.

I absolutely detest this sort of retort. It’s pure luck and genetics. My father climbed the Matterhorn, sailed around the world twice, paraglide and hiked in his retirement, but illnesses caught up with him in his late seventies. My mother was the same. Hiked and cycled hundreds of miles all over the world until her early 70s, then her heart started failing but the NHS said it was fine, despite several admissions to A&E with a HR of over 200. In the two years it took me to fight for her, until they put a pacemaker in, the i2 didn’t circulate around her brain properly and killed tiny parts of her brain, leaving her with Parkinson’s like tremors. Both of them were fit as fiddles and lived life. Their attitude had fuck all to do with their issues!

PrincessofWellies · 02/12/2022 23:07

dancingqueen123 · 02/12/2022 21:57

I think we should all have the choice. That's for sure.

Show quote history

But we do all have the choice through suicide.

userxx · 02/12/2022 23:07

ZenNudist · 02/12/2022 21:34

Well it's better than the alternative

Really ?

Honeyroar · 02/12/2022 23:09

Remaker · 02/12/2022 22:55

My mum is 87 and about to move into a care home and she still says it’s better than the alternative. She’s actually quite fed up with people who think that everyone should just ‘die with dignity’ and get out of the way when they’re old. She’s not in pain, she just needs help with daily tasks and the security of people close by if she falls. Her mind is sharp just the body weakening.

I think that euthanasia should be available for those who want it but if we invested more in care for the elderly you might find fewer people wanting to die!

We don’t need euthanasia- the NHS is killing off the elderly for fun. My dad died this summer after terrible treatment in hospital and unfortunately my mother fell and had to be admitted this week. She’s already got Covid, and they’ve already said her falling is due to age and it’s not worth investigating. Sometimes I wish I’d not fought for that pacemaker if I’d known what was around the corner!

Cuppasoupmonster · 02/12/2022 23:10

Ive said on here before, I put a lot of it down to ‘elderly British culture’. When their kids have grown up and moved out rather than downsize and live somewhere well connected and vibrant, the elderly here seem to choose rural unmanageable houses which they then wither away in because eventually they can’t even walk down the steep drive. They become more and more disconnected with life and just sit in these huge houses waiting to die. And it makes the end more unpleasant as they fall about and have repeated trips to A&E and are eventually forced into a care home.

We need to be encouraging people in their late 60s to be making serious decisions about how they want their old age to look and what is workable bearing in mind the impact on their family.

userxx · 02/12/2022 23:11

@PrincessofWellies It would be nice to not have to arrange it yourself though, much nicer if it was legal in this country.

winterywonder · 02/12/2022 23:13

My Dad died 3 years ago and I've watched my Mum age rapidly since. They had been married for 50 years. Shes trying, but she's lost now. She's 78 but I can literally see the decline every single day. Its frightening that this will sadly come to us all.

EmmaAgain22 · 02/12/2022 23:13

ZenNudist · 02/12/2022 21:34

Well it's better than the alternative

No, it really isn't.

I fear longevity, seen it in my family, it's a dreadful business.

I am now significantly overweight and took up smoking ocasionally.

i don't like the way I look but lockdown means I'm past caring so hopefully no risk of long life for me.

CrookCrane · 02/12/2022 23:15

userxx · 02/12/2022 23:11

@PrincessofWellies It would be nice to not have to arrange it yourself though, much nicer if it was legal in this country.

Exactly! How awful to have to kill yourself all alone because you don’t dare allow anyone to help in case they get prosecuted. Hoping it’s not an awful, painful, scary death.

EmmaAgain22 · 02/12/2022 23:15

Honeyroar · 02/12/2022 23:09

We don’t need euthanasia- the NHS is killing off the elderly for fun. My dad died this summer after terrible treatment in hospital and unfortunately my mother fell and had to be admitted this week. She’s already got Covid, and they’ve already said her falling is due to age and it’s not worth investigating. Sometimes I wish I’d not fought for that pacemaker if I’d known what was around the corner!

Show quote history

Do you mean you have a pacemaker or your mum?

mum has refused one but her condition doesn't inconvenience her on a frequent basis, it's harder to decide if you are having frequent issues with it.

DiddlyDoris · 02/12/2022 23:15

I hope I love to a good age. And yes that could come with various issues that old age brings.

But when there are so many children And young people who have short lives I think we should be thankful if we make it to actually being 'old'!!

MadelineUsher · 02/12/2022 23:18

I absolutely detest this sort of retort. It’s pure luck and genetics.

Only 25-30% of how a person ages is down to genetics, according to current gerontologists. Sorry for your losses.

Honeyroar · 02/12/2022 23:27

EmmaAgain22 · 02/12/2022 23:15

Do you mean you have a pacemaker or your mum?

mum has refused one but her condition doesn't inconvenience her on a frequent basis, it's harder to decide if you are having frequent issues with it.

Show quote history

My mum has the pacemaker. . But it feels like it’s now keeping her ticking along in a real sorry state, it might have been a nicer ending to have gone out with a heart attack then than it had been slowly losing control of your limbs and spending all day in bed, when she was such a vibrant, active person five years ago. But hey ho.