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Original poster

*possible trigger*. partner has cancer

55 replies

Jaxinthebox · 01/12/2022 10:50

My partner (fiancé) has just been diagnosed with stage 4 oesophageal cancer. Lots to take in, lots of information just been told and we are in bits.

It has spread to lymph nodes locally but not other areas which I understand is good, but the tumour is 4 which is bad.

He and I are hoping for the best (cured) but preparing for the worst. He has to undergo 2 more tests to see if he can withstand surgery - so a CPET exercise test and a PET scan. Once those are done we will know if he can have surgery or not.

Chemo will happen either way. I can't tell him how terrified I am, I need to be strong for him, but I need an outlet. And advice.

He has been told all food needs to go in blender, not to have certain things and basically soup and smoothie is all he can have.

OP posts:
glasshole · 01/12/2022 11:04

I didn't want to read and run. I really hope that you are both coping ok and they can remove the tumour.

Original poster
Jaxinthebox · 01/12/2022 11:09

thank you - that is what we hope too.

OP posts:
RampantIvy · 01/12/2022 11:11

Sending you lots of unmumsnetty hugs and good wishes Flowers

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General health
Original poster
Jaxinthebox · 01/12/2022 11:23

thank you. I did look on health board for advice, but didn't see anything.

He is just 55. Absolute love of my life - and its not fucking fair. Only been together a few years.

OP posts:
Fuuuuuckit · 01/12/2022 11:27

Oh love, I've nothing to add as my experience was with a different cancer.

Call Macmillan. They were great for both of us when dp was going through it. Speak to your friends and family too. Big hugs.

Jaybird43 · 01/12/2022 11:30

Sending you and your partner lots of positive and healing vibes your way, OP xx

KnickerlessParsons · 01/12/2022 11:42

My friend's DH had a successful op for oesophageal cancer last year at about the same age. He recovered well. He had 6 months or oral chemo before hand to shrink it before the op.
The op was life changing in that he can now only eat small meals so eats several times a day, but it's saved his life so.....

TWmover · 01/12/2022 12:29

Sorry to hear what you're partner and you are going through. I came to say a family member had stage 4 tonsil cancer in his 60s and recovered, eats normally and has been travelling and enjoying life and still is, 15 years on. I will say swallowing and saliva was difficult for a long period but improvement and healing kept going for 12-18 months after all treatment was finished, so try not to let him be disheartened. He drinks extra water now as saliva is reduced and has had some long term tooth issues both due to radiotherapy. I also know another person with oesophagal cancer now aged 60 who had it around 12 years ago and is fine, as a previous poster said she needs to eat small meals.
I hope that you have all the information soon. Its a marathon not a sprint so lots of self care needed for you too as he goes through this. Best wishes and hope for a full recovery.

Original poster
Jaxinthebox · 01/12/2022 14:51

thank you both so much - your stories of positive recovery are great. No matter if he can only eat small things, has to drink extra water, it will be worth it to have him here.

OP posts:
blackheartsgirl · 01/12/2022 18:44

Speak to Macmillan. They can give you practical advice and emotional support.

im so sorry you are going through this, I’ve a similar experience, we’d only been together for a few years too.

I remember those awful days of fear, uncertainty and sheer panic. Make sure you get support too.

Original poster
Jaxinthebox · 24/12/2022 15:00

so just an update, OH has had a laparoscopy and upper GI endoscopy under GA yesterday. the news is 'at the moment we see no reason why he is not viable for surgery'

the caveat is - IF they find free cells in the washings from yesterday = no surgery, IF he has a bad reaction to the chemo, no surgery, and if the tumour spreads during chemo - then no surgery.

The surgeon said it is a hefty tumour and he is astounded that OH is not needing a feeding tube.

The good news is I have organised a wedding in 4 days and we get married in a few weeks.

Its utter, utter shite - so we are doing Christmas our way, just us

OP posts:
Munchies123 · 24/12/2022 15:25

I'm so sorry you're going through this. I wish you and your fiance a peaceful Christmas x

Original poster
Jaxinthebox · 24/12/2022 18:20

thank you

OP posts:
buttermut · 24/12/2022 18:24

I'm so sorry you are both going through thisFlowers

Congratulations on your upcoming wedding and Merry ChristmasXmas Smile

Afl · 24/12/2022 18:32

Im sorry youre going through this, oesophageal cancer is fucking awful. My ex was diagnosed with it in 2019. He was only 36 at the time.
He had surgery to remove it but unfortunately the cancer came back and spread.
If it has been staged as 4 that normally means it has spread to another organ, please ask them to check and confirm this if you havent already.
Congratulations on the up and coming wedding and I hope you both have a lovely Christmas x

Afterfire · 24/12/2022 18:36

So sorry to read this. I really hope you are able to find some joy in the little things over Christmas and hoping for a positive outcome for you both x

MarshaMelrose · 24/12/2022 18:46

That's good news that they've given the hope of an operation. Congratulations on your upcoming wedding. Enjoy a special Christmas your way. x

Original poster
Jaxinthebox · 24/12/2022 18:48

Afl · 24/12/2022 18:32

Im sorry youre going through this, oesophageal cancer is fucking awful. My ex was diagnosed with it in 2019. He was only 36 at the time.
He had surgery to remove it but unfortunately the cancer came back and spread.
If it has been staged as 4 that normally means it has spread to another organ, please ask them to check and confirm this if you havent already.
Congratulations on the up and coming wedding and I hope you both have a lovely Christmas x

@Afl he has had a CT scan, a pet scan, yesterday the surgeon performed a laparoscopy and another upper GI endoscopy. The surgeon has staged it again and it is still T4 N2 M0 - so it has not spread elsewhere. That is the only blessing in this hideous nightmare we are going through.

Thank you for your thoughts. We are going to have a lovely time and I know that it could come back in a couple of years if he has surgery. I work in NHS - and although I don't know all the stats, I am very aware of how bad this potentially is.

OP posts:
mrsharrisgoestoparis · 22/04/2023 23:53

Hi I am just seeing this now as I am going through the same in my house waiting on pet scan results. How is your husband now? How was your wedding??

ArmchairAnarchist2 · 22/04/2023 23:57

I've had my whole duodenum and stomach removed and part of my oesophagus. My remaining oesophagus is connected to my jejunum. It's amazing what you can live without. I still have a good quality of life and plan to be around for a long time yet.

ArmchairAnarchist2 · 22/04/2023 23:58

Sorry I didn't realise the thread was so old...

Original poster
Jaxinthebox · 24/04/2023 07:32

mrsharrisgoestoparis · 22/04/2023 23:53

Hi I am just seeing this now as I am going through the same in my house waiting on pet scan results. How is your husband now? How was your wedding??

Our wedding was amazing, we had a lovely day with all our loved ones.

My husband is going for his IL surgery tomorrow morning, so thank you for asking. I know this is an older thread but its still my daily life.

We are prepared for the worst, but hope for the best and life each day as it comes.

We have amazing support around us with friends and family and cancer support groups who have answered many questions.

OP posts:
Original poster
Jaxinthebox · 24/04/2023 07:34

ArmchairAnarchist2 · 22/04/2023 23:58

Sorry I didn't realise the thread was so old...

I know 4 whole months - we have lived and dealt with everything in that short (but long) time. Op tomorrow. Thank you for sharing about yours.

We will live life together and carry on making memories, albeit in a different way.

OP posts:
RampantIvy · 24/04/2023 07:39

Wishing your husband all the best for his operation and a speedy recovery.

DH had a successful operation for oesophageal cancer nearly 8 years ago. I will be thinking of you Flowers

Original poster
Jaxinthebox · 24/04/2023 08:06

RampantIvy · 24/04/2023 07:39

Wishing your husband all the best for his operation and a speedy recovery.

DH had a successful operation for oesophageal cancer nearly 8 years ago. I will be thinking of you Flowers

thank you so much, I know this week is going to be very stressful but on the plus side I will stress clean and have a plan for wardrobes and decluttering to keep me going. And will be back in work end of the week.

OP posts: