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Original poster

*possible trigger*. partner has cancer

55 replies

Jaxinthebox · 01/12/2022 10:50

My partner (fiancé) has just been diagnosed with stage 4 oesophageal cancer. Lots to take in, lots of information just been told and we are in bits.

It has spread to lymph nodes locally but not other areas which I understand is good, but the tumour is 4 which is bad.

He and I are hoping for the best (cured) but preparing for the worst. He has to undergo 2 more tests to see if he can withstand surgery - so a CPET exercise test and a PET scan. Once those are done we will know if he can have surgery or not.

Chemo will happen either way. I can't tell him how terrified I am, I need to be strong for him, but I need an outlet. And advice.

He has been told all food needs to go in blender, not to have certain things and basically soup and smoothie is all he can have.

OP posts:
FishChipsMushyPeas · 24/04/2023 08:26

Sending all the positive vibes Op

greenacrylicpaint · 24/04/2023 08:53

poor you! and of course your partner.

good advice already.

I would further advise on seeing a financial advisor about any assets an precautions for a time he is incapacitated (house mortgage or lease, pension, life insurance, will(s), POA, funeral arrangements etc)

TWmover · 24/04/2023 10:44

Thinking of you both for tomorrow and wishing the very best results from his surgery and for his recovery x

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mrsharrisgoestoparis · 24/04/2023 16:07

I wish you well xx

MusicansMum · 24/04/2023 16:10

I hope everything goes well tomorrow. It must have been a tremendous shock for both of you and hopefully he'll make a great recovery.

ThreeRingCircus · 24/04/2023 16:15

I hope everything goes well for you and I'm glad you had a lovely wedding.

Yellowdays · 24/04/2023 16:38

I hope all goes well @Jaxinthebox

magicstar1 · 24/04/2023 17:04

I hope everything goes well for him tomorrow x

My dad had that op 8 years ago. He had to eat small meals, but over a period of time, he worked his way back to normal meals. He does have to regulate them, and eat at specific times which suit him, but eats all normal foods.
He's been called back by the hospital a few times to help with studies, and give them his diet plan to help others. If you'd like any help with it in future, just let me know.

Original poster
Jaxinthebox · 24/04/2023 20:11

I appreciate your help and advice @magicstar1 . Thank you very much. Im pleased to hear how well your Dad is doing. That gives me (and husband) hope.

OP posts:
MoreCloudsThanYouCanImagine · 25/04/2023 07:51

Thinking of you both this morning @Jaxinthebox I hope it goes well 💐

sonicmum2002 · 25/04/2023 21:30

Thinking of you both. Xxx

Original poster
Jaxinthebox · 26/04/2023 10:14

the op went well, but very slowly - approx 12 hours in total, then when they tried to remove the breathing tube he had a sort of asthma attack. So he is still sedated, on ventilator and has breathing tube in.

I will call around 11 once ward rounds are done and see if plan is still to remove it today. Stressed to the max!

OP posts:
Candleabra · 26/04/2023 10:17

Thinking of you OP. I hope you get good news today. I also hope you have someone to support you - it is not easy being a carer.

Surpriseparty · 26/04/2023 10:25

Wishing you the very best of outcomes today. Please take care of yourself. Sending love and hugs. xx

wyntersuhn · 26/04/2023 10:40

Thinking of you and hoping for the best possible outcome.

Misspacorabanne · 26/04/2023 10:44

Thinking of you and dh op! Great news the op went well. It will be ok op! Positive thoughts.

Timeforabiscuit · 26/04/2023 10:47

Keeping hope with you, while they are coming round from surgery it does take its toll, even though they are well out of it and many barely remember coming out of surgery.

Please try and take some time for yourself, get in the open air, eat mindfully, try to drink more water than coffee/tea. The next bit of recovery out of surgery can be hard going, but they have a medical team around them too, so try and shore your strength up for the next bit.

RampantIvy · 26/04/2023 11:28

When you visit be prepared for all the tubes and wires. DH had 11 going into and out of various orifices.

Best wishes to both of you Flowers

Original poster
Jaxinthebox · 26/04/2023 18:54

thank you all for your positive thoughts. So seeing him today was a bit scary, even though I knew what to expect it was still awful.

So they reduced sedation and he was coming round when I was there, opened his eyes a few times but couldn't squeeze hands and got a bit agitated with the breathing tube... so they have sedated him again and will try again tomorrow.

Once I left I had a cry in the car and my cousin called me to see how things were, heard how upset I was and popped over with some soup and wine.

I have the worst headache - stress, but omg its not leaving.

I have drank lots of water today and only 2 coffees and had homemade lasagne (from the freezer) for dinner.

OP posts:
magicstar1 · 28/04/2023 11:40

Just checking in to see how your DH is.

A friend of mine had major surgery a few weeks ago, and like your DH, he had to be sedated afterwards. It took a few days to bring him around as he was so agitated, but they did it slowly and carefully.

I hope you're looking after yourself through all this too x

Original poster
Jaxinthebox · 28/04/2023 19:58

hi thank you, not great today.

He has been sedated on and off all week and is struggling to come out of it without delirium etc. He also has a chest infection now and temp is up. He isn't breathing by himself so solely via ventilator, needs more Oxygen and they think when he has moved he has dislodged the breathing tube a bit and has aspirated.

All of this could be due to the meds, could be sedation, could be all of those things. I am emotionally drained and had a cry earlier.
I had a long chat with the consultant today who explained everything and was lovely. He is in the best hands, 1/1 care and I am so grateful to NHS but this emotional journey is bloody awful, meanwhile he has no clue bless him.

OP posts:
magicstar1 · 08/05/2023 16:03

Hi @Jaxinthebox,

I hope I'm not annoying you, but I was just wondering how your DH and you are doing x

Original poster
Jaxinthebox · 08/05/2023 19:23

Hi thank you for asking about my husband. He finally had the breathing tube removed on Friday and has been slowly getting better. He is still delirious but so much better as each day passes.

Today was a very good day. He was allowed to sip water today. This is the first time he has been allowed to swallow so it is a huge deal. His consultant said due to the pneumonia and breathing issues he is 7-10 days behind in recovery but that is fine and he is making huge improvements daily. I am so proud of his progress.

OP posts:
RampantIvy · 08/05/2023 19:46
Flowers
magicstar1 · 08/05/2023 20:22

Oh that’s great news. The few sips of water must have been a great relief. I’ll keep him in my thoughts x