DD intimidated and kicked at school - help me prep for call with Head

[Ginandcolic]

Posting here for traffic.

DD is 10 and last week, she got chased into the loos at school by two girls (same year group - aged 10 / 11) with a history of being physically violent to other pupils.

DD was verbally intimidated, pushed about and kicked hard enough to leave a bruise on her leg. Other girls were there and corroborated this. Fortunately, one of the other girls went to get a teacher as DD was being blocked from leaving the loos.

The school glossed this over with a breezy email about high jinx and people getting a bit emotional followed by a moderated chat with the Head leaving everyone feeling much better about it all.

I've emailed to say their account does not match what my DD has told me and that other girls have told their parents the same version of events.

I'm waiting for a call from the Head who is apparently investigating this further (whatever that means).

On the one hand, I think if this happened anywhere outside school, I'd be pressing charges, especially as both the girls in question have form for this kind of behaviour so any sanctions the school is putting in place clearly aren't working.

But I could be hugely overreacting. I experienced violence as a child and it's important to me to make sure DD knows I am sticking up for her and I have her back, however, it could also be making me oversensitive.

Any advice or balanced perspectives would really be appreciated. I may not be able to reply for a few hours but I will be reading if anyone has time to respond.

TIA

You're not overreacting at all. I'd be absoutley fuming.
I'd have points written down on a piece of paper beside me for the call, to make sure that you don't get flustered or forget what you want to say - especially inteh light of it being called 'high-jinx' by the head

When did it happen? Lunch break? If so, they should be in detention so it doesn’t happen again.

Thank you, writing notes now! Great idea

*HBZ *yes, lunchtime

So they can’t be trusted to be allowed free reign during lunch. They need to be fully supervised.

Hi Jinx? Fuck that, this isn’t bloody Enid Blyton, it’s your daughter’s life.
steel yourself and demand appropriate action. I would expect suspension and a shot across the bows to the parents that the next time, it will be expulsion.

Great point, I'm not quite sure why they are allowed to be wandering about given their history tbh

Thank you. It's hard for me to work out if I'm justifiably furious so this is really helpful to hear. The school's initial response was so glossy and breezy I feel slightly gaslighted

I always think how would adults feel being in an environment where there is an ever present threat of violence. Why should children tolerate it? Point out it doesn’t make a safe learning environment so they are failing their obligations.

Yes, I can't imagine the Head would be too pleased if she was constantly wondering if she was going to get assaulted when she went to the loo. Good way of looking at it

Oh I would go in hard! My ds was punched and pushed to floor and it was glossed over as boys will be boys. I went in full force and mentioned police involvement and asked how governors had responded. Total change of school attitude and even now 2 years later any minor incident they ring me as they know I'm zero tolerance on that towards my child. Good luck. I would mention that you will have a think about police involvement and let them know. The police won't do much unless they're repeat offenders but it will be recorded against their na.e fir next time.

In fairness this is the reality for many teachers as well as pupils in schools. Teachers get assaulted regularly in many schools these days and it's almost impossible to remove the offenders from the school. Staffing is so short that separating them with constant supervision is impossible too.
That doesn't make it ok of course but it isnt the kind of 'gotcha' it sounds like.

In this case though it does sound like the Head is minimising rather than being a situation of 'hands tied' and OP I would be furious too at the 'high jinks' email.

Don't be fobbed off, Op. same old, school dismissing something, playing it down. If she's got a bruise I hope you took a picture? It's assault.

My personal experience is that schools are sloppy when it comes to year 6 issues because they are waiting until the children move into secondary.
I would be livid. What you describe is a targeted attack and not a chasing game that got out of hand (high jinx) High jinx would be if your dd and the girls were play fighting willingly and somebody got hurt. One girl being chased and assaulted by many isn't high jinx at all.

Oh I'm so sorry to hear about your DS, how frightening for him. I'm glad the school changed their approach.

Good shout re mentioning that I'm considering police involvement. The reality is, as you say, it's unlikely the police would do much but it does signal the difference between what actually happened and the way the school are responding.

The governors point is also excellent. That's a route I can definitely follow up. Thank you!

That's just awful to hear but I get what you're saying about this kind of behaviour being directed against teachers as well as pupils.

You are right though that the "oh we all had a lovely chat about the japes" email has fucked me right off. I would have expected a call and more honesty

I did take a picture. Not sure if the school will say the bruise could have come from playing / PE etc but hopefully the other girls corroborating DD's story plus the picture helps make the case that this wasn't just fun larking about after lunch

Yes, you're right and at no point did DD participate willingly in any of this

You’re not overreacting. It’s not high jinx

You are not overreacting OP - this is something you have every right to be furious at. Yes, teachers are assaulted (as are many other workers unfortunately) and the school should no more stand for that than this. If the HT's colleagues kicked her in the toilet and refused to let him leave how would she want her LA and union to deal with it? You could ask her that - and I'm willing to be she wouldn't be too happy with 'high jinks'.

Your child has been assaulted at school - the HT needs to deal with it as such. This is a serious matter, esp as it's obviously not the first time these other pupils have behaved this way. They are emboldened as a direct result of the HT's inability to deal with their behaviour. How is the HT planning to ensure this does not happen to your DC again?

I would ask them what their policy is on "child on child" abuse - this is a very current topic in safeguarding in schools and should not be dismissed. Questions to ask include what are they doing to safeguard your dd within school? Have they investigated properly and taken witness statements from all those present? Why have they suggested that your DD was not a victim of abuse when other students suggest she was? How can they assure you that appropriate changes to supervision have been made to avoid a repeat of this situation?

If the reply is not satisfactory, ask for a copy of the school complaint procedure and follow it. Note this is an operational matter and governors would not generally be involved at this stage. But if a complaint is not handled to your satisfaction then it is likely it will be escalated to governors.

What is their anti-bullying policy and why haven't they followed and why are they not recognising this as assault and bullying???

HBZ287 · Today 12:48
I always think how would adults feel being in an environment where there is an ever present threat of violence. Why should children tolerate it? Point out it doesn’t make a safe learning environment so they are failing their obligations.“

Excellent point to which there is no plausible counter-argument that the Head can make.

Hi japes my arse. I would be absolutely fuming.

Thank you so much for all your replies. Great questions that I will put to the HT and I appreciate the reassurance that I am not overreacting.

THANK YOU

Ask them to bullet points what steps they will take to ensure your child's physical and emotional safety whilst she is in their care.