DD intimidated and kicked at school - help me prep for call with Head

[Ginandcolic]

Posting here for traffic.

DD is 10 and last week, she got chased into the loos at school by two girls (same year group - aged 10 / 11) with a history of being physically violent to other pupils.

DD was verbally intimidated, pushed about and kicked hard enough to leave a bruise on her leg. Other girls were there and corroborated this. Fortunately, one of the other girls went to get a teacher as DD was being blocked from leaving the loos.

The school glossed this over with a breezy email about high jinx and people getting a bit emotional followed by a moderated chat with the Head leaving everyone feeling much better about it all.

I've emailed to say their account does not match what my DD has told me and that other girls have told their parents the same version of events.

I'm waiting for a call from the Head who is apparently investigating this further (whatever that means).

On the one hand, I think if this happened anywhere outside school, I'd be pressing charges, especially as both the girls in question have form for this kind of behaviour so any sanctions the school is putting in place clearly aren't working.

But I could be hugely overreacting. I experienced violence as a child and it's important to me to make sure DD knows I am sticking up for her and I have her back, however, it could also be making me oversensitive.

Any advice or balanced perspectives would really be appreciated. I may not be able to reply for a few hours but I will be reading if anyone has time to respond.

TIA

1. I think most areas have one, but get the details of the schools/police liaison officer - I would ask them for advice and suggestions. Tell the head you are in contact.
2. Are they going to same secondary school as DD? Make sure you tell the head you want it formally noted so that any potential new schools are aware of past history for class / form / tutor group decisions.
3. Ask whether safeguarding lead has been notified - toilets are a space that immediately increases vulnerability.
4. What are they doing going forwards to ensure that this does not happen again?

After your phone call op follow it up with an email. then there's written proof. "Just to clarify, following our phone call ....." and list all the good sentences pp have suggested. Threat of police, governors, assault, etc. (even if you forget to say any of it during the phone call, include it anyway. )

copy and paste most of this thread into an email now, in preparation. Then at least your'll feel you've been the most proactive you can.

I meant include it, as in :
I said a/b/c.

I didn't get the chance to say xxxx, but I'd now like that addressed aswell.

I would make a point of saying that you did not appreciate the light hearted response in the first email and it has given you the impression that the school are not adhering to their own policies on bullying, safeguarding (add in anything else that is relevant)

And that you expect the situation to be taken seriously and dealt with robustly and ask them how they are going to do this.

My god the high japes/jinx angle has made me so angry on your behalf

Thank you all SO MUCH I feel way better prepared and justified in being furious. I have a work call shortly so I'm going to have to go silent for a bit but I so appreciate your support and I will report back

You are not being unreasonable at all.
The bullying my DD suffered at school such as being called a whore and spat at in the corridor was called “a silly fallout over a boy, you know what teenage girls are like” by the Deputy Head .
I escalated it and the ringleader was expelled

Not acceptable
nasty vicious girls need a punishment for that behaviour,sounds like they consistently get away with it .
i.m sure the head won’t want the police involved,and on school property,if you were to say you were reporting it as the assault it was .
might make the head actually do something

I would go politely and professionally fucking mad. What kind of zoo are they running? Who are these ferals? Totally totally unacceptable. I have similar aged dds in state sector and never heard of anything like this.

Sorry mine are at secondary now but the point stands.

I work in schools , don't let this go.it drives me fucking mad when things like this are glossed over.they should deal with it head on
As a pp said follow it up with a confirmation email and ensure you include the agreed plan to move forward

Hope the call goes okay OP. I would be absolutely fuming and would definitely say that the suggestion that this was just high-jinx was way off the mark and widely inappropriate. Is that what they'd say to your daugther? Hope your DD is okay.

Hi jinx?

Deliberately kicked &blocked from leaving the loos?

JFC.

Did the teacher who was fetched see that she was beong blocked in?

Ask to see a written safeguarding report on how they are keeping your child safe in school. Let the head know you will follow up with the police if you aren't happy.

I'd also not use or permit the use of any minimising language. If she says it was 'high jinx', you reply that 'high jinx' it is not, this was a physical assault that left a bruise.

Are these pupils going to the same secondary school as your DD?

I meant to also say good luck!

You're not being unreasonable at all. I'd want to know exactly what they are doing to safeguard your child whilst she's at school and what repercussions these girls have for hurting/intimidating people.
If they try to fob you off, state very clearly that you will put your complaint to the board of governors and higher if needs be.
Your poor daughter.

Thank you thank you thank you for all your support and advice, I really appreciate it and you all helped me feel stronger and better prepared than I would have done on my own.

The Head started off asking about DD and how she was feeling etc which gave me a great opportunity to start defining how the 'high jinx' was described. I led with "Well, considering she was physically assaulted on school premises a few days ago and is still quite badly bruised, I'm not sure what answer you were expecting."

She then repeatedly referred to "The Incident" which I repeatedly corrected to "the assault" until she agreed that's what it was. She explained that, as the girls were all upset on Friday, they hadn't wanted to take individual statements from them then but had done so today (strange how that coincided with me emailing them over the weekend about how shittily they'd handled it).

This led to her confirming that all the girls involved corroborated my DD's version of events to which I added, "and I have taken photos of the injuries to use as evidence which I am happy to share." This seemed to throw her a bit but she did acknowledge I would be within my rights to report this to the police.

She said that the situation had not been escalated to the governors but that it had escalated to the step before expulsion on the bullying / behaviour policy. From what I have read, this means the girls involved will be excluded from any enrichment activities for the rest of the term (so all the fun Christmas things) and will be in detention over lunchtimes for an unspecified amount of time.

The policy also states that the school will work with the parents to agree suitable sanctions at home but I suspect this is a load of bollocks as presumably the girls are feral because their parents aren't capable of / don't bother with decent parenting.

She reassured me that the sanctions in place were harsher than those that had been implemented before ... but couldn't share details because of confidentiality. Which I understand, but that's what I really need to know: WTF is happening to these violent girls so I feel reassured they get that what they did was not okay.

So I feel that the school is recognising the seriousness of the assault when talking to me and after much prompting, however, I am waiting to see what this actually means in practice.

I have told DD to report ANY further crap from the girls involved, even if it's not directed at her and to get the school to call me immediately if it happens.

I also did get an apology for the breeziness of the initial email vs the seriousness of what happened. Apparently that was "helpful feedback" FFS.

I am about to follow up the conversation up in writing, as advised, just to make sure my position is clear.

I cannot thank you all enough for validating my fury and giving me such great advice. So sorry to all of you whose kids have experienced similar violence, or who have experienced it yourselves

Well done op, it’s not easy to get a clear head for these things as it’s so wrong that it happens. I’m glad you felt heard.And I hope the girls learn from it.

Well done.

I would send a copy to the Governers with a note attached FYI.

I would also be interested to find out if they really are excluded from all the enrichment activities between now and Christmas'

I would also like to know if they have contacted these girls parents.

Next time call the police no questions asked.

The police go down the prevention route - they will probably know the families do these girls. This will trigger help for them before it’s too late - so don’t be afraid of timing them.

Well done. Sometimes you have to go in to bat for your child and this was definitely one of those times

Well done - you dealt with this brilliantly. Following it up with an email summarising your conversation and outlining the key actions agreed is a good step, and I would also highlight that while you are not involving the police on this occasion you will have no hesitation in doing so if your DD is ever assaulted on school premises again.

You might find that the school has not informed the parents of these bullies up until now - or they may have downplayed it. Keep a close eye on the consequences and make sure the school enforces them.

Good morning everyone. Thank you again for your replies. I feel like sometimes it's just me against the whole machinery of the school so I really appreciate everyone's support.

I followed up the conversation yesterday with an email that was pretty robust and I haven't heard anything back so I'm taking that as tacit acceptance / agreement.

I have said if there is any further intimidation (including verbal intimidation), I want this to be escalated and if there is any physical violence at all, I'm going to the police.

The Head, to be fair, seemed very on it in terms of safeguarding measures BUT I don't know how this will translate to the class and subject teachers actually remembering to / giving a shit about keeping DD away from the bullies.

What I am utterly shocked by is the number of other parents who contacted me yesterday to say the bullies had done similar things to their DC. I knew of some instances but had no idea how widespread this was. I can't believe these girls are still at the school (it's a private school so should be easier to manage them out based on physically violent behaviour, I would have thought).

I think that I, with your support, was probably much punchier about the situation than some of the other parents, and maybe some had been fobbed off by the school's attitude about it all being high spirits. Anyway, I've made it clear I will be all over this until I'm satisfied the situation is being handled properly.

I've also told DD to go straight to the head and get her to call me if ANYTHING else happens, even if it's just nasty words. I want contemporaneous records of any further shit.

Huge thanks again from me and on behalf of my DD

PS Interesting point about the school maybe not informing the parents. I heard from one of the other parents that both bullies' parents went into the school at pick up time yesterday so I wonder if maybe they didn't tell them until I made it clear I was going to be a monumental PITA about it all

Good. Well done OP.