Yeah I can sort of think in the same way as you with most of it.
When the prosecution talk about her only crying about herself and not the babies I find that very unfair. I can remember instances where babies died- or I delivered stillborns/miscarriages, where I was very together and probably seemed a bit robotic and unemotional. However, we are taught its not useful to be a blubbering wreck for those families, and for us to do our job properly. However, I think back on it with sorrow and my heart aches for them, I don't forget them, even though I'm not crying for them. However I might cry once a month or more over things personal to me or relatively minor issues in my own life.
I know midwives, myself included who enjoy that care, even though it is hard because we know its such an important time for those mothers. I also know midwives who don't like normal deliveries and prefer patients in intensive care, who need obs and medications. We each have parts of the job we prefer and not because we are serial killers.
Really hard as someone with experience in health care not to put yourself in LL shoes. . The hand over sheets at home is not unusual in my opinion and some keep them deliberately to make sure we have a record of workload on a given day. We are taught to always cover ourselves for litigation so a lot keep anonymysed details and notes in diaries.
The fb searches seem excessive, to me, but then I've never been a massive fan or user of fb it has skipped me as a generation. I have occasionally however, searched for someone if I've seen a relative has died, to see how they are coping, or to see details of a funeral, I think it's just human nature to be curious some times. I have however NEVER fb searched a patient. I've never had the curiosity to do that it's literally never entered my head. In fact a patient contacted me once and I blocked and changed my name. Do not want to mix patients with my private life so I don't really get that one.
We will see what the defence says today...