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Original poster

Should we cancel this expensive holiday??

393 replies

RNBrie · 26/11/2022 07:00

7 years ago, my brother and his wife moved to New Zealand. They've since had two children I've never met.

They had holidays booked back in the UK a couple of times but everything got cancelled because of covid.

I've never been able to afford to visit him as we have 3 DC, I could have afforded to go alone but didn't want to use up annual leave to go away without my family.

6 months ago I was given an unexpected large bonus from work and DH and I agreed we'd spend it all on a once in a lifetime trip to NZ. It's all booked and paid for, we go at Easter. It's costing a fortune, about the cost of a wedding for flights, accommodation, all in.

I've just found out that a month after we get back, my brother is coming here with his family. My parents are paying for it because they miss them too but don't want to travel there.

My DH and I are discussing cancelling our holiday because the main reason we booked was that I was just desperate to see my DB after all this time. The money is gone, but we checked yesterday and everything is cancellable, there will be a small charge for cancelling the flights.

Our NZ trip is fancy. We stay near my brother for a bit then we have a week at a luxury resort near some other friends we've not see for years, then back to near my db and then home. This is not the sort of holiday we have ever taken and the cost of it is making me uncomfortable, we could save a bit by changing resorts but more than half the cost is the flights.

So what would you do? Go on our fancy holiday, or get our money back? We'd probably spend half of it on a much cheaper but still fancy holiday closer to home...

OP posts:
redtshirt50 · 26/11/2022 07:44

I would 10000% go

But agree you could change the itinerary a bit and spend less time near your brother and see a different part of NZ instead

the kids will have an amazing time and are old enough to appreciate it, you’re looking forward to it, and you can afford it

no one can predict the future and you might not be in a position to go in a few years

Danikm151 · 26/11/2022 07:44

I would go. It’s a bucket list holiday

minmooch · 26/11/2022 07:44

Go - it will be amazing for your family. Your kids are a great age to do this. You will actually see your brother in his home and be a part of his NZ life. You have other friends to see there too.

Go, go go.

Wibbly1008 · 26/11/2022 07:45

i lost loved ones this year. There is not always tomorrow. Anything could happen and you would have regrets over lost chances to do something amazing. Go! Have a great time. Money will sit in the bank and get eaten up by nonsense, but memories with your husband and kids will be with you always

Crimsonripple · 26/11/2022 07:45

Cancel

MrsDoyle351 · 26/11/2022 07:46

Hi - didn't want to post as most disagree with me. I say definitely go. I went with our 3 kids and husband to visit family in the USA years ago. Yes, it cost some money (we're not at all wealthy) but it was soooo worth it. The kids are now grown up and still talk about that holiday. They all loved it. And we did a lot of sight-seeing with 'the cousins' visiting New York and the coastline of Connecticut, as well as Boston etc.

I've also visited New Zealand and the mountains/glaciers/volcanoes/wildlife there is just stunning. I would worry that you'd cancel and then something else would crop up in 2 or 3 years, and that you wouldn't go! What if there's another epidemic? Unlikely, but not impossible.

Original poster
RNBrie · 26/11/2022 07:46

Remaker · 26/11/2022 07:39

A similar thing happened to me a few years ago. We’d booked to visit my DB1 who we’d not seen in several years. And as soon as we told DB2 we were going he decided he suddenly needed to pay for DB1 (just him not his family) to come here a month before we were going. Basically to gazump me as that’s the kind of person he is.

We cancelled and rebooked a different holiday, enjoyed time with DB1 at DB2’s expense (he ended up staying with us most of the time as he can’t stand DB2’s wife and it’s mutual). And then we went off on our alternative holiday and had a great time.

I feel a bit like that with my parents suddenly deciding to pay for their travel back here but I'm trying not let their motivation cloud my judgement. I can tell my DH is pretty pissed off with them though.

OP posts:
spiderontheceiling · 26/11/2022 07:47

Go!
New Zealand is amazing, it will be lovely to see your brother and his family in their home territory and they will no doubt appreciate it too, your children are at a great age for doing a long haul trip as your youngest is out of pre-school terrors and your oldest isn't quite at the stage where it's all about peers rather than family and there aren't any big exams looming, seeing their cousins twice quite close together will give them a chance to build a bond they wouldn't otherwise have and you're really excited.
Why on earth wouldn't you go?

Bimblesalong · 26/11/2022 07:48

Go. You only have one family. Enjoy the wonders of NZ.
I say this from the perspective of someone a couple of decades older. My dad’s brother died unexpectedly this week. His sister lives the other side of the world and had just been over to see him, having a marvellous time. She’d seen him maybe four times in the last 15 years due to distance. I think back to every opportunity I’ve had to see my brothers, who are only at the other end of the country, and value every visit.

sillysocks22 · 26/11/2022 07:48

I would definitely go! I'm always of the opinion that life is short and anything can happen just around the corner. If you have the opportunity to do something then do it. Have an amazing time. I've travelled a lot (including New Zealand) and will never regret any of it, happy to have the memories rather than extra digits in a bank account.

CurlsandSwirls · 26/11/2022 07:48

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn on the user's request.

grayhairdontcare · 26/11/2022 07:49

Cancel and go in a couple of years time.

mrsbitaly · 26/11/2022 07:49

Whether it's now or in 2 years time it's going to be expensive maybe more if you wait with how things are going. I don't see how delaying it is going to make a huge difference you will lose £500 and in 2 years time it could be out of reach due to rising costs. This may be your best opportunity to do it. It's going to be a memory your whole family will remember as your children are a perfect age for a special holiday like that they will appreciate it more.

Fedupofballs · 26/11/2022 07:51

With the age of the kids it’s a perfect time to go. In 3 years time you could be in the midst of GCSEs and Easter will not be an ideal time for a holiday like this. Prices of flights and accommodation will also increase as they get older.
As someone else said maybe look to change your itinerary a bit if you choose to spend less time with your brother now you will see him in the UK.

FortyFacedFuckers · 26/11/2022 07:52

I would still go op as I'm sure you & your children are so looking forward to it but if you don't then I wouldn't cancel but reschedule for a year or 2 later!

Joyfuljolly · 26/11/2022 07:54

I guess you just prompted your parents to want to see them and act. I get that. They may also be envious you’d get to see them and they wouldn’t. It is their child and grandchild , sometime someone else acting prompts us. I don’t think your husband is being fair.

MarshaBradyo · 26/11/2022 07:54

I wouldn’t do the delay thing it’ll just cost more in a few years and lose the £500

So overall I’d probably go and try not to feel annoyed about the brother. Until then your dh was on board, just see it as a bonus re extra time together

cushioncovers · 26/11/2022 07:55

Definitely cancel

RambamThankyouMam · 26/11/2022 07:56

Cancel!

The flights are brutal and NZ is overrated.

DuncanBiscuits · 26/11/2022 07:56

Go!

Visiting your brother in NZ will be a much better experience than when he comes over here. He’ll be duty-bound to do the rounds of family and friends - in NZ you’ll have him all to yourself and he’ll be able to show you all the cool stuff.

I’d rather go whale watching with my brother than sit around a table in a boring UK restaurant waiting my turn to talk to him once Uncle Ron has finished boring him about Brexit!

Washingeverywhere · 26/11/2022 07:57

You should go. In some ways them visiting the Uk takes the pressure off when you visit NZ. You won’t feel like you have to spend all your time with them. You can treat it as more of a holiday than a family visit.

EATmum · 26/11/2022 07:58

Go! So many reasons, but if you can afford it, go. It will be an amazing trip, your children will talk about it forever, your brother will know that you cared enough to spend that money seeing his home and important places - and we just don't know what's around the corner. Grab the opportunities that you can.

Greyphoto · 26/11/2022 07:58

RNBrie · 26/11/2022 07:12

We don't need the money, we're doing OK, our mortgage doesn't need renewing for 2 more years - that's the only financial issue we see coming down the track. We even checked our energy bills yesterday to discover we're £2k in credit. We have savings that would get us through a couple of months if one of us lost our jobs.

Our hearts are saying go, our heads are saying cancel. But I do like the idea of cancelling this year and rebooking in 2-3 years time.

Bloody hell go! People on their death bed never said I wish I worked more or saved that money. You’re financially secure you don’t need the money (if you were in debt I would say cancel) people always say I wish I spent more time with loved ones friends and family and travelled more.

No brainer for me!

CrispsnDips · 26/11/2022 07:58

I would cancel but I am very cautious with money

ChimChimeny · 26/11/2022 07:59

How secure are your.jobs?

there was a thread during covid of a couple who thought they'd be ok with a couple months wages in savings but both lost their jobs & were resorting to.using a food bank as the money soon ran out.

If that is highly unlikely I'd go, everything is going to cost so much more in the future that you'll be annoyed if you get a lesser holiday for the same money. Saying that, I'd maybe downgrade some accommodation if possible to free up a bit more spending money while you're there