Im beyond lonely

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Long time reader and poster but changed name to save embarassment 😔

I am so lonely.

I have been single since my pregnancy 11 years ago besides one man. This has massively knocked my confidence as I adore him, crazy in love but he flies in and out my life. I allow it because if he's nice for 4 hours, its 4 hours more than id have without him.

I am so painfully shy.

I cant work due to a heart condition. My son is also long term unwell which is isolating and lonely.

When my son goes to school, i sit for 6 hours in the house without saying a single word. If my brother has my son for a day or 2, i wont talk for a day or 2 besides checking on my son or sayin thank you at a shop.

My cousin moved to the area as her husband is from here, shes made so many friends locally, its so easy for her. Even people ive known for years, hairdressers etc i have a hello hello relationship, with my cousin theyve swapped numbers, go out.

I have no relationship with my mum as she is very dismissive and cold. Also heavily favours my brother and allows her sisters to make comments about my sons illness without defending him.

My closest friend has recently got a boyfriend and shes just dropped me out as shes so invested in her relationship.

Money is tight so joining groups etc feels really selfish and unecessary. And going to bars/dinners is difficult due to childcare and all my friends and cousins being married.

Im so isolated and feel like im wasting away and not living.

Im 33, Im always told im beautiful by everybody, have a lovely child and home. But i cry every day because i have nothing outside these 4 walls. Everyone is zooming ahead with plans and people and life. Im just here.

I think you also need to look at what you can do despite your illness not what you can't do because of it.

I was astonished to hear the other day that the actress Sally Hawkins has lupus - a really exhausting debilitating disease. But she paces herself so she can spend time on set. Other people have crushing depression but still go out into the world.

If your illness is so bad that you genuinely can;t leave the house, then you need a carer/companion for a few hours a week, to come and chat with you and keep you company. Contact Homestart or any charity connected with your illness.

I’m so sorry that you are feeling this way OP 🤗 I am an introvert and struggle with being able to be in social situations. Have you looked into events at your local library (not always book related so doesn’t matter if you like reading or not) - they are free and don’t require a commitment so doesn’t matter if you can’t make it some weeks. Also I came across this a little while ago as I would love to have a dog but have too many family/work commitments at the minute…

www.borrowmydoggy.com

Good luck OP. You sound really lovely and anyone would be really lucky to have you as a friend! If I didn’t live hundreds of miles away I’d definitely love to go for a coffee with you 🤗

I would suggest a book group or a knit and natter group. Even if you can’t knit there will be people there who would love to teach you.

If you look at meet up you will find some online groups, I belong to a group that has a specific interest and we FaceTime a couple of times a month for a couple of hours. We also have a messaging platform. It has spun off to people sharing other stuff now and not just our quite specific hobby interest.

Also with volunteering there is an AGE uk telephone befriending service that wants volunteers to speak to lonely isolated older people. They try and match you up with someone who has similar interests. I know you are lonely so it’s actually a help to you and and it’s only 30 minutes a week. It’s called silver line. I’m thinking of doing it because I have a lot of free time and seems a worthwhile cause.

I imagine you are an introvert and socially anxious as well which are not exactly the same thing. So accept that you will never be like your cousin but that you can have some social life, good luck I felt very touched by your post and wish you all the best.

Thank you 🌸🌸

@lightlypoached thank you so much for your advice and the link. I am taking everyones words on board and im so appreciative for the ideas xx

I will have to watch this, thank you.

@MrsRonaldWeasley ahh thats so so lovely ☕️ thank you ♥️♥️

my son would adore this suggestion of borrowing a dog. I will show him! thank you x

@DimSumAndGT thank you for your suggestions. i do have a friend on twiter and we chat on there about our shared interest aswell ☺️

Im 100% an introvert, i dont think im socially anxious because ill go to new places, i can chat away superficially etc but yes im def not my cousin who will press her face against the glass of the hairdressers shes known for a few weeks and scream 'sexy girls' 😂 i'll usually give a wave, probably as noones looking so nobody noticed 😂 🤦🏻‍♀️

Thank you for taking time to read and reply 🌸

So sorry to hear your story. Have you tried your local library? Ours has lots of free events like Just a Cuppa, where you get a coffee and just chat, Knit and Natter, board games, singing etc. They also offer volunteering opportunities, like just chatting with refugees etc

Libraries are one of the few places where you can go without spending any money.

I hope some of the suggestions on here help you.

Love your name 😂😂

So many people have suggested library, will go by tomorrow when my son is at school. I just hope there'll be links to people close to my age, i already feel like an old lady! Thanks so much x

It may not be relevant, but I felt like this when I had post natal depression.

Although I knew people with babies, I somehow felt I couldn’t call or ring them to suggest play dates. It was only Once I was well again, I realised how unwell I had been.

I do believe some people can suffer a low grade depression for years.

On the other hand you say it’s your shyness, which I assume goes along with low self esteem and lack of confidence.

can you think of tackling this like a work problem?

Analyse the problem, brainstorm solutions, select best possible answers, implement actions, judge results and feedback, adjust actions etc.

Perhaps find books and online articles that tackle shyness. Become an expert on your personality and find what other people have done.

I don’t suffer from loneliness anymore even though I only have a few people in my life.

But I so remember that feeling when I had PND and you have my sympathy.

I'm exactly the same OP. I can go days & days without a single word being said to another adult. My mother is also cold & dismissive and have no friends around. I don't have the flitting in & out relationship you have, my DD's DF/my DH, has died. It's just me & my 7yr old.

I too sit in silence whilst she's at school. Often cry. Especially on days when no other parents speak to me on the school run

Send me a message or ill work out how to send you one. Lets be friends 🌸🫂

Please feel free to pm me. What part of the country are you in? I'm in North Yorkshire. Even if you're not close, I'm here 24/7 x

@ChristmasisRuined im in London but chats and friends can be from anywhere in my book ☺️ will message you once i remember my login for the site! Xx

Just to say, OP, that you can PM people on here if you can type public messages - it means you are logged in already! Just go to three dots below a post and then go to PM.

Omg what?! 3 dots where?! Ive been using the www. Website and doing it old school 🙄

No that's fine! I just mean that if you aer posting on here it means you aer logged in - so can PM any poster by clisking on three dots under a post (where it say 'Add message' etc - at least that's how it looks on laptop, but on the phone you can still PM by looking at options under any post.

I think its different for me as I use the app on iphone! Thank you x

Maybe different in how the PM option appears, but you don't need to sign-in for PMs separately, I'm sure!

As far as i can see theres no message option on the app. I have to go to the website to see any or send any ?!..