Went on a first date last night…

[Us3r112]

I thought it went really well. The conversation flowed, we were together for about 3.5 hours. When we said goodbye he said that he would see me later on in the week (implying that we would go on a second date). We hugged, he kissed me on the cheek. I was happy.

Texted him when I got home, thanking him for a nice evening. He responded but said nothing about the evening. Heard nothing from him today (I had sent the last message last night). Had this gut feeling he had gone off me. At 6pm today he sends me a text saying it was nice to meet me, I am really nice but he doesn’t see it going anywhere and doesn’t want to waste my time.

It was my first date from an online app in years. I just feel a bit gutted! I know he could have rejected me after 2nd, 3rd date etc - and yes of course I’ll move on, it’s not a big deal - but why do I care?! He really did seem like he wanted to see me again, and did a complete 360 when he got home.

I need thicker skin for this online dating world I think 😞

You need skin of a rhinoceros!! Do not take it personally, easier said than done. Get yourself back online and move onto the next.

You had a nice time. He did the right thing in telling you. if he’s after a long term relationship he doesn’t want to waste his time or yours.

He did a 180!
In future, don't text a man after a date.
Leave that to him.

In future, don't text a man after a date.

Leave that to him.

This

Agree with not texting after the date I cringed when I read that 😣 at least he didn’t lie to you just to get you into bed before saying he doesn’t see anything could always be worse!

Justtheonethanks9099 I don't think that's correct, nothing wrong with texting, the right person will appreciate OPs communication style, if they don't they are not the right person for the OP

OP could be anything, he could be married and have got cold feet, at least you had a nice evening, and at least he told you straight how he was feeling rather than stringing you along, playing games with your feelings.

Better luck next time, don't change a thing.

It’s got absolutely nothing to do with who texts afterwards! Don’t even countenance that thought OP! I had what I called a ‘twat list’ when I was online dating. This guy has the honour of being the first in your test list. There will be many more but keep persevering! I met my lovely boyfriend after many duds! After Xmas is a great time as lots more people go on the apps. You have to be completely emotionally detached inside when matching, chatting & then meeting them for some time - don’t invest anything other than your time in meeting them. And don’t reply straight away to messages once you’ve met them, it seemed to work for me.

Twat, not test 😂

He's brave. I hate doing the thanks but no thanks text.

It's horrible and yes you do have to have a hide like a rhino. He didn't do a complete 180, he just didn't want to hurt your feelings face to face.

I don't like it when a date asks me if I want to meet again. I always say yes to their face then have to do the thanks but no thanks later by text.

Yeah as PPs said. Never ever text first. If he fancies you he won't be able to text you fast enough when he gets back home.

His loss! Onwards and upwards OP.

This is how people are now! 😭. Can I get from them, what I want? ,
Do they serve me a purpose? . You are beautiful , I am sure😘. Please sweetie, forget him , sounds like, an utter slime bag. 🤢Raise your bar , love yourself and please know you are worth , a zillion of him xxx

@Slig I didn’t ask him though to meet again. He was getting off a train and said to me “will see you later on in the week”. So I feel like he did do a complete 180 as he genuinely seemed v keen to meet again when we parted ways.

Anyway, thanks for your advice. I am a over thinker at the best of times so I just don’t find this easy!

Duds, absolutely, a brilliant word, bloody so true and succinct. I wish you health and happiness xx

Bit strange to have such a long a date with someone you hadn't hit it off with I'd have thought.

Anyway he said what he said. I'm torn on texting - I've never text a man after a date as I like them to show they're keen. On the other hand I don't hesitate to initiate more once we've both expressed interest.

@janeseymour78 yep, my exact thoughts. He bought 3 out of 4 rounds too. It’s like on his journey home he went completely off me.

As I said, I’ll move on, but I just find it all a bit of a head f**k!!

He didn’t get a shag.

@Us3r112 sorry my lovely I know you didn't ask him. I was just telling you my experience of when I get asked if I want to meet again and instead of saying no thank you to his face, I'll agree. Which I suppose is similar to him saying to you about meeting in the week.

I met somebody lovely last week, but nah he wasn't interested in me. I don't take it personally now, not at all. If the spark isn't there, there is nothing you can do.

I've spent a few dates knowing from the onset I didn't fancy them, but their company is enjoyable enough that I spent a few hours with them. But not to see again. If that makes sense.

As a PP said just be glad he didn't waste your time, meeting you for a date here and a date there.

Remember the way he treats you on a first date is good insight on how he will treat you as a partner. You sound like you've got your head screwed on right.

Good luck!

But usually men that want a shag will go in for the snog @ShandaLear, not just a cheek kiss - men are strange, what can you say!

Don’t text after a date. Treat every date as an experience with no expectation and literally take it date by date. That way you won’t get hurt while you build your thick skin.
When you get the “let’s meet up again later in the week” be very non committal. Most of these men are multi dating so let him show his interest before you invest anymore than a millisecond thought.
I’ve dated quite a bit from OLD. You go into it with a romantic notion and become cynical quite quickly. When you meet the right one you’ll know

Yes I agree with @janeseymour78 @ShandaLear

He definitely did not want a shag. There was zero physical contact except the hug and cheek kiss.

This is GREAT advice and can I add - NEVER take advice from people who have never done OLD.

It's a whole different world with different "rules".

Sometimes I see threads on here and I could weep. The shite advice that is given out about OLD.

Although s'pose that's true about every subject on here! Hahah

I don’t think this guy is being a twat or a slimeball or any of the ridiculous things people are saying.
You had a pleasant evening, he politely made a vague mention of doing it again (which could have been an automatic thing to say as he was leaving) and then he politely told you he didn’t want to see you again.
Nobody is owed a second date. No one is a ‘twat’ for not wanting a second date.

I personally think it would be ruder if he told you immediately he didn’t want to see you again (in front of others who could overhear/sit by you on the train all the way home/look at you pityingly).

The right man won’t care who texts first.

It doesn’t matter how lovely you are or what you look like, the chemistry between two people is inexplicable and many times it is either there or not 🤷‍♀️.

I could have a lovely time with any of you lot, or any of your random relatives or anyone, but not necessarily feel that I want to pursue a relationship with you. IT DOES NOT MEAN THERE IS ANYTHING WRONG WITH YOU.

And finally, I really really wish I could take my own advice 😂.

@Yayyayitsaholiholiday Well said 👍.

He'd probably organised about 2-3 different dates in a short space of time, kept you sweet at the time but just while he was just picking who to pursue properly, and it wasn't you for whatever reason.

Either that or he got back together with his wife or something.

No matter what, it's not you. Don't dwell on it.

I don’t know why people say a man is only after a shag because he doesn’t want to see a woman again, so a man isn’t allowed to not be interested?