Almost 11yo cannot sleep

[AgathaMystery]

Not sure if this is the right section but I would love some help or advice.

DD (almost 11) is struggling terribly with her sleep. She has always struggled a bit to fall asleep but the past few weeks have been awful. She gets so so upset & we don’t know how to help her. She is an average, healthy girl in all respects and does not have a phone or device so I know that isn’t an issue.

She is up at 7 every school day & is tired each morning. School is 8-4 & she does sport after school on tues, weds, thurs, & Saturday (her choice). She has a good hot lunch at school, snack when she gets in & tea at about 6-6:30pm. She usually has a pudding and we watch some TV.

Bedtime is 8pm & lights out 8:30pm latest. She reads in bed. I make sure she brushes her teeth before she starts reading so she doesn’t get back out of bed once she’s there. There is the usual ‘forgot a drink’ ‘need a wee’ most nights but by 10pm she is up in tears sobbing that she can’t sleep and is so tired. This is probably 4-5 nights a week.

It’s horrible and is impacting us all. On weds & Thurs her sports club run until 7:30 or 7:45 so she isn’t in bed until 9pm as she comes home (very cold) has a shower and a second tea before bed. She also does sport each day at school.

Does anyone have any tips? She hates bananas and milk so they are not a bedtime snack option.

Does she have an Alexa or similar?

My son went through similar last year so we got him an Alexa, he is allowed to listen to audio books but prefers to put on storm sounds as background noise to fall asleep to.

Lights out at 8.30 seems very early for an 11 year old. Maybe she’s just not tired enough at that point, and then gets stressed and worked up because she can’t get to sleep that it makes her even less likely to drop off as time ticks by?

I agree with both previous posters. If that doesn’t help though I’d try giving her a small dose of melatonin if it were me.

She does! She listens to sleep stories on it sometimes.

She’s not quite 11 but I agree with you about the stress. I would like to push her bedtime back a little but DH is really anti this because she is so tired in the mornings.

My POV is an 8:30 bedtime only works if she’s asleep by 8:45. It’s almost 10:30 and she’s still asleep so maybe I need to push it back a little.

Well.

dripfeed alert… she does sometimes have a melatonin gummy as the sleep is so elusive. I just don’t want her to rely on them.

I feel for her as I was exactly the same at her age except I finished school at 3 & loafed about.

I struggle to get to sleep and I have just discovered rain noise on YouTube - it’s like a miracle drug! It’s like a white noise that just calms and knocks you out

My daughter did this, it went on for a good few months. If she really couldn’t sleep after half an hour I’d let her come downstairs, have a decaff tea and a biscuit with me and she’d go back to bed 20 mins or so later. I really struggle to sleep and know how awful it is to just lie there.

it just seemed to stop in the end, I don’t know if she was worried about changing schools or hormones, but now she’s absolutely fine.

Melatonin works for my 11 year old. I think sleep is so important that if it works, I don't think it's a problem.

Be careful giving melatonin to a child who it's not prescribed for - it's not licensed for children in the UK

No probs - DD was born in France 😂

(just kidding, I do buy the baby crack melatonin in France when we go over though).

I agree about her getting up. She does go to sleep faster if I give her a squeeze and put her to bed again.

She seems a bit down at the moment. She has a lot of big sporting stuff coming up. I can’t wait for it all to be over TBH.

Thanks for all the tips - I will try them all!

I think you need to break the cycle of her lying awake, probably worrying about not being able to get to sleep.

I'd push her bedtime back and then let jery read until she feels her eyes getting heavy/ready to stop rather than an arbitrary time.

I'd also experiment with audio books/podcast/white noise/brown noise and see if she can find something that works once the book is away and the lights are off.

If she can't get to sleep, she should get up again, read for a bit and then try again in 20/30 mins.

I'd also try a weighted blanket.

Kids guided meditations on YouTube were a godsend when DD was experiencing anxiety at bedtime.
Really helped her calm her breathing down and help her drift off.
She doesn't need them anymore but I recommended them to a friend who is fostering and she couldn't believe how effective they were.
There's tonnes of YouTube for your DD to choose from too!

If the melatonin works for her then I would use it alongside putting in place a solid routine that tells her brain it is time to sleep. Shower or warm bath, into cosy pjs and then a book in bed for half an hour. Then lights off, warm blanket and sleep stories on Alexa. Has she tried a weighted blanket? I also agree with putting bedtime back a little, could you try moving lights out back half an hour so she has half an hour to read in bed but no pressure to sleep, just relax?

Agree it seems quite an early bedtime for an 11 year old. Id try 830 in to bed and reading or relaxation in bed until she feels ready to turn her lights out. Give her some control. Just calm it all down and relax. Even if she falls asleep at midnight but without drama id take it as a win. And just keep replicating it so bedtime becomes less tense.

Once you get some success you
Can always bring it back earlier.

Try introducing magnesium rich foods as a snack near to bedtime? Bananas and almonds are a couple

my dd similar age also has trouble sleeping, she uses the following:

sleepy bookshelf/get sleepy on Spotify
badger balm sleep balm
Bach Rescue Remedy Night Dropper
a diffuser with Nikura Sweet Dreams Essential Oil Blend

however the thing she has found the most helpful is last month we started giving her a magnesium supplement, and she has had hardly any trouble falling asleep since.

www.her.ie/beauty/really-work-tried-lushs-sleepy-body-lotion-361344

Teenage son asked me to buy this for him. Stress with exams, half his class swore by it. He hadn't been sleeping well. It worked the very first night.

No idea why, but it was a relief that he wasn't pacing around downstairs late at night

Thanks all - she does have a weighted blanket and likes to use it sometimes. I have spoken with DH about moving her bedtime back as well.

she’s currently laid in our bed between us reading. I’m bloody shattered.

Right I will buy some sleepy body lotion too! & some magnesium! Thank you all so much.

Lettuce tea! I really struggled with going to sleep through my whole childhood - at 11 I was going upstairs to bed at 9 but then it would be a miracle if I was asleep by 11.30 and then up at 7am. I have a lot of sympathy and agree with PP about not having her in bed too early as lying there awake is maddening. I grew out of it basically when I was about 17 and haven't had a problem going to sleep since.
Lettuce tea is meant to be fantastic though - Google it!

If I exercise in the evenings I really struggle to sleep - too many endorphins! Is there any correlation to her sleep problems with the nights she’s playing sports?

Could also be linked to hormonal changes

Lavender oil on a tissue near the pillow.

I think the teenage hormones which tend to lead to difficulty in falling asleep and waking up are present much earlier than 13! My 11 year old is still up. She just can't get to sleep earlier so there is no point to trying. She sleeps in at the weekend if she needs to catch up. Try to mimic her rhythm, not fight it.

We make a sleep spray for DS1 (a chronic worrier) I use the lavender and chamomile recipe here: www.lovingessentialoils.com/blogs/diy-recipes/homemade-essential-oil-sprays-made-easy
I bought a cheap atomiser on Amazon.