Almost 11yo cannot sleep

[AgathaMystery]

Not sure if this is the right section but I would love some help or advice.

DD (almost 11) is struggling terribly with her sleep. She has always struggled a bit to fall asleep but the past few weeks have been awful. She gets so so upset & we don’t know how to help her. She is an average, healthy girl in all respects and does not have a phone or device so I know that isn’t an issue.

She is up at 7 every school day & is tired each morning. School is 8-4 & she does sport after school on tues, weds, thurs, & Saturday (her choice). She has a good hot lunch at school, snack when she gets in & tea at about 6-6:30pm. She usually has a pudding and we watch some TV.

Bedtime is 8pm & lights out 8:30pm latest. She reads in bed. I make sure she brushes her teeth before she starts reading so she doesn’t get back out of bed once she’s there. There is the usual ‘forgot a drink’ ‘need a wee’ most nights but by 10pm she is up in tears sobbing that she can’t sleep and is so tired. This is probably 4-5 nights a week.

It’s horrible and is impacting us all. On weds & Thurs her sports club run until 7:30 or 7:45 so she isn’t in bed until 9pm as she comes home (very cold) has a shower and a second tea before bed. She also does sport each day at school.

Does anyone have any tips? She hates bananas and milk so they are not a bedtime snack option.

Thanks all. We will chat with her about later bedtimes.

I really appreciate all the replies - no to milk, she hates it, no to audio books, 4hrs later she’s still listening so I do shorter sleep stories with an ending so the story doesn’t just stop suddenly. No to a bath - we don’t have one!! Sports… she has cut swimming down but it’s still 3 times a week. She also loves hockey, cricket and swimming. Someone asked about TV - I’d say 45ish mins once homework is done, but none on weds & thurs due to sport.

I really appreciate all your time on this. Thank you.

My 10 year old has always been a night owl, but she’s much less anxious about sleeping since we leant into it. She now has a later supper and plays a game/watches tv/ talks with DH and I and then goes upstairs with an audiobook at 9.30. She’s usually asleep by 10 or 10.30 which is late (we have to wake her up in the mornings) but so much better than her still being awake at midnight.

raisingchildren.net.au/pre-teens/healthy-lifestyle/sleep/school-age-sleep#:~:text=infection%20and%20illness.-,Sleep%3A%20what%20children%20need,11%20hours%20sleep%20a%20night.
I'm going to disagree with many. 9 to 11 hours is desirable. This child has four days a week with extra activities has to be up at 7am. It's a heck of a schedule she's following. An adult would find it full on.

Im
knackered with it. Her day is longer than mine. It’s ridiculous really. I am hoping it changes with high school. Perhaps she will pick one sport. Or it will pick her. I don’t know.

is she warm enough?
does she need an extra blanket or a hot water bottle?

ask her what's up.
is there something going on at school?
worried about global events?

dc had phases at about that age just after starting secondary school. the workd suddenly became very big and scary.

cute kitten videos snuggled up on the sofa with a hot milk/honey (natural melatonin) helped settle their minds.

good luck!

UPDATE: Thank you everyone for all the helpful ideas & suggestions... DH was reluctant but we have moved her bedtime back to lights out at 9pm & things are going well. She likes deciding when she goes up & she is tired when she gets in bed. It also takes the pressure off when she gets in from sports - no more mad rush to shower & eat. I hated it & so did she. Evenings are less frantic.

We are all on magnesium supplements now (haha) & the big sporting event she is building up to will be over by Friday THANK GOD.

I really appreciate everyone taking the time to help me as I was at the end of my tether!

Thanks for the update.

aww that's so nice to hear.

<happy dance>

What usually works for me if I am struggling

1. White noise or sleep meditation (youtube)
2. Sleeping on my front with the pillow pushing on my chin. Weirdly I would knock out very fast
3. Hot water bottle cuddled to my chest (my favourite go to)