What does having anxiety mean for you?

[SheWoreYellow]

I see people saying they have anxiety and wonder what it feels like really. I get what an anxiety attack is (broadly), and I get what feeling nervous feels like, but I think there’s a whole thing in between that I’m totally unaware of and unable to imagine.
I’d like to be able to sympathise a bit better! ☺️

Overthinking things to the point of distress.

If you take a moment to sit down and imagine all of the WORST possible things that could happen, then repeat that in your head for the next hour. Sometimes it's honestly slightly paralysing!

For me when I go into a full anxiety attack I can completely shut down and disassociate with me surroundings. It’s hard to explain.

other things are a constant feel of dread with a lot of catastrophising. Tight chest heart racing and generally feeling fuzzy and unable to engage.

Dreading engaging with the world to the extent that you just want to stay in bed.

Giving in, staying in bed and then overthinking, and feeling extremely guilty that you are in bed.

No respite from your thoughts, wherever you go and whatever you do.

Ah, I don’t have a ‘commentary’ in my head so maybe that’s why it’s hard for me to imagine. (I do feelings and then fully formed conclusions pop out.)

Sometimes it's mental, sometimes it's physical. I have yet to work out which is worse.

You must do!! You must have had a commentary to have been pondering this topic and then decide to post it on a forum?
that’s basically what a commentary is x

For me it a complete o we reaction of my body to what's happening or maybe nothing has happened. Think of the bodies response to shock it's similar

Overthinking to the point of distress, not wanting to leave the house, psychical symptoms such as a high heart rate, shakes, fainting, dizziness, dry mouth/eyes. Not sleeping crazy insomnia. OCD thoughts. Suidical thoughts.

It's really hard to deal with at times.

Pretty much this.

Other people in any given situation have Plan A and a vague Plan B just in case A doesn't work out.

I have Plan A, Plan B, Plan C, Plan D... all the way to Plan Z and then it loops back around to Plan A.2, Plan B.2, and on again.

My anxiety is link to PTSD do also comes with flashbacks and added fight/flight/freeze feelings.

I'm functional and have it under control for the most part. The NHS offered me CBT which sort of worked but my head twated it a bit so when I pose the question "what's the worst that could happen?" to try get me out of the overthrowing spiral, my head goes to some pretty dark places and comes up with the absolute worst outcome for any given situation. As the vast majority of these are highly unlikely it oddly makes me feel better and stops the spiral. The PTSD has also helped me develop a dark sense of humour too and I tend to find jokes in dark situations (made a really inappropriate comment to DH about his dad's ashes last week to relieve an upsetting conversation we were having, thankfully he's my other half in every way and found it funny too).

I do have anxiety attacks now and again, they feel a lot like a heart attack which then fuels the anxiety even more.

Fun times.

This self help guide to recovery was helpful to me to gain some insight into the condition

Claire Weekes
Self-Help for Your Nerves: Learn to relax and enjoy life again by overcoming stress and fear

Especially helpful on describing the reenforcement between thoughts and physical symptoms

Panic attack that make you feel like you're going to die, can't breathe, heart racing. Stops you going out due to the fear of this happening.

Anxiety for me means my rational brain gets overridden by my irrational brain to the point where I can't breathe. Frustratingly the pinnacle of the PTSD catalyst was being strangled by my aggressor, so breathing exercises to regulate my breathing are futile.

An example: my DP took baby for a walk last weekend. They had been gone about an hour and so I texted to see how they were getting on. No response. I suddenly imagined they'd been knocked over by a truck on a fairly main road and those were the sirens I had subconsciously heard about 15mins prior. I called, texted, WhatsApp'd, snap chatted - basically tried to contact them on every single platform possible, and got my car keys ready to go find them. Was out on the street hyperventilating when DP called me back - they'd been in a particularly low to no signal area for about 7 mins. Those 7 minutes to me felt like 30/40.... irrational panic attack.

Two days later (and having had the panic attack on the weekend I'm in a state of hypervigilance - so everything is potentially triggering...) my 10yr old son is diagnosed with a virus which he has to take antivirals for. Panic attack at the surgery. Fortunately our GP is fully apprised of the situation so offers support then and there (calm, arm, chair).

It is painfully debilitating. I'm heading towards some further talking therapy to try and work it all through.

My son has anxiety. He is hyper alert and in a basically in a permanet state where anything can trigger flight/fight/freeze/flop/fawn.

intrusive thoughts that make me panic and then can’t get out of my head
for example a lovely family walk through wood and then BOOM what if there are ticks, what if a tick gets on me, you take it off carefully, what if I don’t take it off carefully and leave a bit in, what if I get L disease and then my life is ruined as I’m bed bound and can’t do anything I do now, don’t worry you’ll check and be careful. But what if I miss it??!

all before we’ve even arrived at said woods….

and that’s just an example. It can be anything and it loops.

Constantly worrying about the worse case scenario, worrying when I am not anxious because I feel if I'm not in a state of stress then something bad is going to happen. It's like doing your driving test or sitting a big exam all the time. Mine as gotten to the point where it is causing me physical pain. Even when I'm not over thinking my body still remains in a state of stress, tension, racing heartbeat, rapid breathing and tightening sensation in head. Also no sleep or very restless sleep

Constant intrusive thoughts and worse case scenario of everything. Waking up multiple times a night with a feeling of panic and being awake for 2-3 hours going over different scenarios in my head to "be prepared" for any uncertainty. Being on edge in new situations because there is too much unknown about the place/occasion. Physical symptoms such as tight chest, breathlessness, jaw clenching while sleeping, stomach aches and headaches.

It takes the joy out of everything and has left me a shell of myself.

You know that feeling when you are sitting on a chair, and you tilt back & try to balance, but you go slightly too far & get that overwhelming feeling of panic? It’s like that but instead of that feeling being over instantly, you have that feeling constantly just sitting there like a big ball in your stomach..
Its like being on high alert all the time. Just waiting for something to happen. Sometimes I feel frozen to the spot, like I physically can’t move or do a task. In my head I know I can, but it’s like my brain won’t let me.
I keep my phone on silent as the sound of it ringing can send me into panic mode. Bumping into friends unexpectedly can make me start to panic & cry. I’ve had mini panic attacks in Tesco when I walked a bit too fast down an aisle & overwhelmed myself 😅😅

Its not all the time though. I can go for months without any symptoms & then go through a bout of feeling anxiety.

That’s really interesting. Thanks so much for sharing, everyone.

It sounds like it makes life really tough and I’m pleased I can understand a bit more what’s it’s like.

Some people have a ‘voice’ of thoughts and some people don’t. It’s unusual but not super rare.

Being tired. All the time.

If I compare myself to people close to me, who are okay most of the time - they just don’t see problems in the same way.
They minimise what is happening, assume that everything will work out, and it often does.

Whereas I catastrophise. My daughter is being bullied at the moment and it is all I can think about. I obsess about Molly Russell and others. About what happened. What I’m on top of/not aware of, what can I do to make sure she doesn’t sink any further.
I can’t sleep wake up during the night, and have sick feeling in the pit of my stomach so can’t eat.

I think about people that I don’t even know. There was a poor woman on Woman’s Hour in September whose 13 year old daughter died in hospital because she could not get anyone to listen to her (sepsis). All of her instincts were correct but she couldn’t get anyone to take note - bank holiday, decision failure on behalf of medics. She was a very intelligent, logical, articulate woman so God help people who are less so.

It was tortuous to listen to and things like that I can’t forget, it was so tragic. This is an example of things that get buried inside my head and it’s not really useful to them or me for me to keep thinking about them. But I do.

Anxiety shuts down my life. I have a complete inability to make the most basic decisions. For example if the shop is out of the usual bread, soap powder, eggs or whatever that I’m going for I just stand in the aisle with my head screaming “oh my God, go my God, oh my God- what do I do?! Whilst my breathing becomes shallow and my heart races. I actually avoid going to the shop as much as possible because I am frequently in tears by the time I get to the car.

Ive struggled to cross the road before now because my head is “is it safe, can I go now?” because blind panic just shuts my brain down.

Currently off work with anxiety and feel like there is a belt tight across my chest, despite taking medication and meditating this morning. My head just won’t shut up with the ‘what ifs’. It’s torture and if I was offered Electric Shock Therapy to reset my brain I’d sign up in a heartbeat.

Like LeaveLeaveLeave above I think about people I don’t even know. 30 years ago when I was in Florida age 18 I saw a news item about the Christmas train that goes through the sticks which has a lot of areas of poverty. Santa threw sweets off the train to the gathering children as he went through little towns, the camera zoomed in on the face of a little girl clutching just a couple of sweets she caught & the newsreader was saying ‘this is the only gift some of these children will get’. I think of her often.

People caught up in wars, child abuse victims, neglected pets… it’s so, so painful to constantly be thinking of such awful things.

I have a loved one seriously ill. I just can’t cope with anything anymore.

Overthinking constantly. Constantly feeling on high alert. Thinking I'm going to get a call from school to say something has happened to my kids, always feeling like I'm going to get into trouble at work , that I've done something awful. Thinking I'm not good enough. Feeling like something horrible is about to happen to someone I care about. If my husband is a little bit late home from work I'm imagining worst case scenarios to the point of the police turning up at the door to says he's been in an accident . The thing is all this worry and torment goes on internally , I don't voice it out loud to anyone.so to anyone else I look like I'm functioning normally but the intrusive thoughts and feelings are exhausting.

My brain plays a constant reel of worst case scenarios. I exert so much energy trying not to think about / get caught up in those thoughts. It can be hard to follow conversations sometimes as my brain is just so noisy.
Since having DS 5 months ago, I've also become hyper alert to perceived criticism. I hate it. It makes me not very fun and it's exacerbated by tiredness.
I find it really hard to differentiate between genuine suggestions/comments and the throwaway comments or small talk, and trying to work out if I should be taking it on board or not is exhausting.
For example, DS is otherwise well but has a little bit of eczema. We noticed it had flared up on his cheek last night, & DH said "what have you eaten that's different?". Genuine question, as DS is EBF, but almost instantly my brain had turned that into DH blaming me and that I'm a terrible mother who has harmed her child.