What does having anxiety mean for you?

[SheWoreYellow]

I see people saying they have anxiety and wonder what it feels like really. I get what an anxiety attack is (broadly), and I get what feeling nervous feels like, but I think there’s a whole thing in between that I’m totally unaware of and unable to imagine.
I’d like to be able to sympathise a bit better! ☺️

I don't really enjoy very many things. I'm so concerned with the next step that I can't just relax and enjoy the moment I'm in.

I can't enjoy a long lie on a Sunday because I know I have ironing and cooking to do.

I can't enjoy the sports game I'm at because I'm so concerned about the big queue at the train station afterwards (I would prefer to leave 20 mins before the end and get a head-start, so I either piss off the people I'm with or remain stressed).

I can't enjoy my sunbathing at the side of the pool on holiday as I'm worried about the lunch buffet and making sure we get there in time for the kids to find something they like. Same goes for evening entertainment and this weird thing of not being able to relax until everyone is in bed and safe.

So yeah, its exhausting and joyless. Rationally, my brain knows that the ironing can wait, I'll get home eventually even if the train is busy and that the kids aren't that fussy. But the anxiety means that I'm constantly thinking of the next thing and it is relentless.

I have situational anxiety so find certain things really difficult. The average person might be nervous before an interview or public speaking but I will obsess over it, over think, not sleep and work myself up into a panic attack. I will also avoid things which tends to make it worse. For example, I didn't go for a promotion which I was told to go for and knew I would do well in because there was one specific thing I had to do in that role one time which terrified me. Mine tends to be fear of the physical symptoms of anxiety, I worry I will have a panic attack and that makes it actually happen.

Overthinking people's intentions. Massive trust issues makes it hard for me to form meaningful relationships. I have had one episode of dissociation whilst at my worst I was sat in a restaurant and i felt like I was observing the scene from outside hard to describe.

A constant feeling that I've done something awful and I'm about to be told off for it. Overthinking all the time, especially when I'm in bed with no distractions, so much so that I can't get to sleep (and then anxiety about the effects not sleeping will have on me).

Yep, and then worrying that people think you're being rude

Feeling trapped in my own head.

Constant overthinking - usually about state of my health. I know I’m making things worse by being anxious but it’s hard. When I was really bad I wanted reassurance all the time as well.

I’m waiting to hear about therapy on nhs.

I have never had anxiety but recently out of nowhere started having panic attacks. I actually reached for my phone recently to tell the kids that I love them (by text so as not to alarm them) because I was so convinced I was going to die!

I have high functioning anxiety for the most part. It's intrusive thoughts and overthinking things to a painful degree, even though I know rationally things will be fine.

I have coping mechanisms and most of the time I can override it and I'm happy and enjoy life, although always with multiple backup plans!

If I'm stressed for a prolonged time however, it gets much worse and I have physical panic attacks and can't stop the intrusive thoughts.

I am great in a crisis though. Having thought through every possible scenario sometimes serves you well.

I feel quite close to this a lot of the time.
Just waiting for everyone to be home and safe, then dreading the next cycle of people going out and my worrying about them again.
I worry so much about my teenage kids and I worry that I won't be able to cope with worrying about them for the rest of my/their lives. It's so tiring.

For me it’s

not breathing - then needing huge breaths
heart racing
full blown panic attacks
irrational thoughts
hyper vigilant/fight or flight constantly alert
can’t relax (like when you lie down in bed and your muscles relax… nope I am stiff as a board until I realise about an hour later that I haven't relaxed)
nightmares
irritable
under eating V binge eating
plans cannot be changed or I have a panic attack
I obsess about details and time… you say 1pm you better be here at 1pm not 1.03pm!
And at my very worst agoraphobia

Tiring is exactly it. Relentless. My DP is occasionally exasperated with me and my response is "if you're annoyed by it, you should try being in my head" I (rarely) share small snippets of my thought process. If people knew the constant monologue that I have playing in my head.....

Pretty much this.

Mentally and physically.

I never say to people in real life ‘I have anxiety’ as I never feel like I suffer enough, or I think they will think I am exaggerating or faking but here is what I think:

I can remember from Junior school age being afraid to walk in to a room, or draw attention to myself. I used to dread being asked a question whether I knew the answer or not, I would rehearse answering the register in my head over and over again and have this fear my voice would crack.

The worst thing for me is overthinking, and catastrophising. Going over and over mistakes, playing out different scenarios of what might happen because of a small error. It takes up all the space in my head and I can’t think or do anything else. I can’t switch it off, I get snappy with my loved ones. My mum has said I bring her down because I am constantly saying ‘what if…’ and she finds it hard to cope with. Nobody else knows, I would never tell anyone else.

I am a terrible procrastinator as I worry so much about making the wrong choice I just freeze. At work I feel constantly out of my depth, imposter syndrome pushed to the max.

I get physical symptoms like a heaviness across my chest like I can’t breathe, a spaced-out feeling like I am outside of my body, and tingling and numbness in my hands and feet but I’ve never had a full-blown panic attack.

I have learned to accept who I am. I am a worrier, an over thinker. I have tried to change and although I have got better I don’t think I will ever fundamentally change the way I think.

Anxiety attack to me is
derealisation like I’m there but not there
bowels go which leads to severe stomach pains
i can go very light headed and feel I am going to faint(I have done)
when that all calms down about 30 mins later I then feel exhausted
usual the it’s the rumination
why did that happen, oh no good job I was at home, I feel so ill now, hope I’m not like this tomorrow etc etc

Right now it’s thinking about the isolator switch that needs fixed in the bathroom…”will I be able to sort it myself, failing that it’s needing to call an electrician, when can they come and fix it, how much will it cost, what if the electrician does it wrong…and…so if this wiring is bad then what if all the rest of the house is bad, what if the house is ready to burn down, what if we get electrocuted, what if the neighbour doesn’t maintain their electrics and therefore they’re going to cause both our houses to burn down regardless of how careful I may be…okay so we’re going to die.”
That is anxiety for me. The fact that a simply household maintenance issue becomes something that makes me think we’re going to die and out home burn down. For a normal person, it would just be something you deal with and life goes on. For me, I’ve catastrophised the entire thing, cried and fretted about it. All while knowing I’m catastrophising but that doesn’t stop the panic.
The panic and anxiety itself manifests in increased breathing rate, racing heart, light headedness, disassociating from the space around me and in bad cases, completely losing my grip of ‘now’. Also, for me, motion and verbal tics. It’s hell but it is also reality for me.

This website might help you understand about anxiety and depression
anxietynomore.co.uk/

Have you ever had that feeling when you or your child steps out in front of a car. That moment when you go ice cold, your ears start ringing and it feels loke your heart stops. Like that. All day every day.

I don't have 'anxiety' per se, as in diagnosed, but I do feel very anxious a lot of the time.
Panic. A lot of panic. Anything out of the ordinary gives me panic. Just a feeling of not being able to cope with the simplest things. Feeling useless. Inability to make the simplest decisions. I'm just shutting down and my world is becoming smaller and smaller. (I used to have panic attacks but haven't had one in a while.)
Waking up at 4am every night overwhelmed to the point of feeling sick by my 'to do' list, and having no time to ever get anything on it done.
Sometimes overwhelming dislike of myself, and thinking everyone in my life would be better off if I weren't around. Thinking what a useless mother, sister, daughter, auntie, friend etc I am. Taking everything personally.
Feeling tearful a lot.

I feel it rising. It starts in my chest, and I start feeling lightheaded and fidgety. My ears start ringing, I can't concentrate.

I also obsess over going to prison, despite never having done anything remotely illegal. I also update my will obsessively in case I die.

It means every time my boss calls me I think I'll get fired. Ditto HR.

It means reading my sons favourite story at bedtime without knowing how it ends. I have read it every night for months but I don't know how it ends. Because mentally I am not there.

It depends what sort of anxiety you have. Mine is health anxiety which was hugely exacerbated by my new born being rushed to ICU & the experience that followed. It's worrying about her catching a cough or cold, for no good reason other than fearing her being unwell. Or her being unwell & I missing something & suddenly before you know it we are at worst case scenario in my head.

propranalol might be really effective for you. It hwkps with the physical impact of anxiety so sweaty palms, tight chest, heart rate etc. I use them for interviews and public speaking. They have no cognitive impairment. They don't help with the underlying cause of your anxiety but for situational anxiety they work.

My bowels literally turn to water and i am terrified i am going to soil myself yet i never hear anyone else describe this as a symptom. I dont eat if i know im going to travel somewhere and i need to know where the toilets and exits are wherever i am. It is crippling really, im happiest when i dont have to leave the house but that is no proper way to live.

Heart pounding very hard and fast.

Feeling constantly overwhelmed despite sometimes only having a minimal amount of things on my to-do list.

Wanting to bail on things that I actually do want to do if they involve going out.

OCD (tapping, checking and intrusive thoughts for me) ramps up.

It can be totally debilitating. I have become very good at masking in public, I guess I have found surface coping mechanisms when I need them but I think they mostly just delay the response a lot of the time.

Currently in a job I hate with awful colleagues so struggling with that and general anxiety is a bit of an explosive combination.