What does having anxiety mean for you?

[SheWoreYellow]

I see people saying they have anxiety and wonder what it feels like really. I get what an anxiety attack is (broadly), and I get what feeling nervous feels like, but I think there’s a whole thing in between that I’m totally unaware of and unable to imagine.
I’d like to be able to sympathise a bit better! ☺️

The feeling that my brain is trying to trick me 24/7. It always wants me to think I'm unsafe, at risk somehow, that something bad will happen. It bombards me with thoughts and images of catastrophes that could happen. It demands I think out every possible scenario to a situation, and try to solve all of them before they've even happened. It tells me every tiny pain, spot, sensation in my body is cancer and I'm going to die.

It's also physical symptoms such as panic attacks, heart palpitations, dizziness, headaches, tingling, tight chest, upset stomach, feeling I can't catch my breath, fatigue, crying, irritability, inability to concentrate, brain fog, derealisation... It's endless and it's awful.

Just to add, I have very a severe anxiety disorder.

Overthinking everything, always thinking of the worst case scenario and sometimes playing it all out like a movie in your head. For example my eldest was ten mins late home from school she comes home on the school bus and I had imagined every case scenario in my head, what if the bus has broken down, maybe it's crashed what if she's in the hospital etc etc. With anxiety alot of the time you know what your worrying about is irrational but it doesn't stop you from worrying about it. If I have something that I have to do that's outside of my comfort zone I just won't do it or else lose sleep obsessing over it all night. It's bloody awful and I feel like it's a lot worse than it used to be though I've always been like it just not to such an intense degree.

There is this thing I have, I know it's because of the anxiety. My throat muscles keep contracting, it's hard to explain, but I have to make a conscious effort to stop it.

I wonder if anyone else has it?

It's hypervigilence for me and a panic that goes straight to my tummy. I can't relax or rest. I cannot switch off from it and constantly think about it.

Loud voices and loud music sets me off. It is absolutely a product of my fairly recent experiences.

Fear.

Worry.

A million thoughts and trying to work through them takes up all my energy.

Generalised pain throughout my body.

Insomnia

Creating scenarios in my mind and getting worried about if they would actually happen and how I would react to them.

Poor self-esteem.

I get a feeling like there's a lump in my throat, or my throat feels tight.

I break out into a sweat, I start feeling like I am having palpitations, everything feels too loud and I feel dizzy and jittery. I know that sounds like a panic attack but it’s more pre panic. Thats the worst point.

The baseline level used to be constant rumination that left me wound up and on edge constantly. Mainly about the past. Stuck in a loop. The baseline of anxiety has massively reduced after therapy but I still get bouts of pre-panic

It's not a lump, it's just tensing of the muscles. Very odd feeling.

Waking up dreading the day and it making me feel so I'll that I vomit

I'm managing it much better these days but the knowledge it can just strike you down any time is terrifying.
Having to have a plan b for certain situations. Accepting that I can't attend everyone's gathering and can't keep in touch with everyone as I found it too much. Letting some things go. Celebrating as many small wins as possible.

Yep. Constant nausea, daily vomiting. I have gone back on medication following a long bad anxiety patch - my blood tests show borderline malnutrition. When I'm well i love eating and cooking. Anxiety robs you of so much.

I hate people looking at me or saying or doing anything that people will have noticed. I go red and stay red for an hour. I can't control it. I feel embarrassed to be out. I can be with friends or DH and suddenly come over all weird like I'm going to faint. I struggle to calm myself down, this man's no sense because I'll be perfectly comfortable where I am.

I have to go into work once a month and for about a week before I start worrying what people will think.

for example a lovely family walk through wood and then BOOM what if there are ticks, what if a tick gets on me, you take it off carefully, what if I don’t take it off carefully and leave a bit in, what if I get L disease and then my life is ruined as I’m bed bound and can’t do anything I do now

I've had this exact scenario go through my head before. Triggered by a thread on here I think. I was blissfully ignorant about ticks before that thread, now I worry whenever my children play in long grass.

For me, anxiety is the thief of joy. I don't ever enjoy anything in the moment because I'm always obsessing over something.

How does everyone cope? Has anyone found anything particularly useful? I've tried cbt, therapy, medication etc but nothing ever seems to stick. Is it life long? :(

Mine is really hard to deal with, if I'm having a really bad day I just can't shift out of the fog. For example, this weekend I planned to take the kids to the park.

Sounds very simple and easy to do. However I woke up and didn't want to be here, its like a black cloud appears so It took a while to get out of bed whilst I "researched" alternatives to the park visit as I didn't really want to go anywhere, do anything. My eldest was upset that we weren't going, then I felt guilty and worried about him spending the day in front of the TV, I had read something a while ago about children needing x amount of time outside. I spent a lot of time worrying over the right outfits, the right shoes, the right snacks- would people judge canned fruit?, then I needed to plan the route, research Google reviews of said park even though we've been many times, looked at the weather, looked at nearby alternatives in case the park was closed (??), everything was incredibly noisy in my head. We finally set off and I went down the wrong street, got all hot & panicky as i didn't know the street well & the children were scooting quite fast. I was worried they were going to get hit by a car. I ended up bursting into tears and we turned round and went home.
It's absolutely exhausting I just want a off switch from it all.

For me it's the constant worry of saying or doing the wrong thing. I over analyse every interaction I have with people thinking why did I say that I bet they think I'm stupid or weird etc. e.g I said 'morning' to somebody today and she said 'hello' and for ages after I thought I bet she thinks im an idiot now for saying morning and not hello. Also the dread of being asked to go out somewhere I want to go!! but then panic for weeks/days leading up to it about what I'm going to wear, how im getting there, walking into the venue, what if I fall over, what time I will need to set off, what conversations I'll have when I get there. I need to plan every tiny aspect which kind of sucks the enjoyment out of it. My friends want to go away for the weekend next year for our big birthdays and I know I won't be able to go I'd never be able to share a room/put a front on for 2/3 days and that makes me feel sad.

At the minute the fear of writing a reply on the wrong WhatsApp group is keeping me awake, after it happened to my DH 2 months ago just can't get it out of my head so I have to check 10 times before I send a message that im sending it to the right person. Im not even writing anything sensational fgs so it wouldn't even matter. I really do hate myself sometimes!

It's honestly hell. My anxiety is around my daughter (6) being ill and in particular emetophobia (fear of vomit). On a good day I can carry on with normal activities but the fear of her being ill is always at the back of my mind. On my worst days I feel suicidal. I try to avoid situations where she might pick something up (as an example I avoid soft play as much as possible). The whole day she's at school I'm waiting for a phone call to say I need to pick her up. My heart is in my throat when my phone rings when she's at school. I'm constantly exhausted and not just because I'm tired from not sleeping because I'm waiting for her to wake up unwell. I'm mentally exhausted from trying to get through each day.

Hi,

Just wondering if you've explored an OCD diagnosis?

Hope that's ok to ask, but what you wrote rang some bells for me.

@Ivyonafence no I haven't. I have in the last few months considers seeing someone about pursuing it to see if there is something there I was more thinking ASD as my son was diagnosed a couple of years ago not really considered OCD, but then I think the NHS is so stretched what would be the point in an adult diagnosis as not much would change for me and ever though I work full time I can't justify paying for a private one either.

I can't drive.
I have a licence (passed on second attempt), did PassPlus and then just couldn't. I'm so scared I'll make a mistake and kill someone.

I'd like to try again with an automatic (so there's less to think about & I can focus more on the road than the controls) but can't justify the expense now.

Every so often there's a thread on here about how non-drivers are the scum of the earth and it feels shit. So shit. I've asked for advice (in real life and on here) and the advice is always "just get in the car and do it". Even just sitting in the drivers seat brings on shakes and nausea.

A cycle of worrying. Get over one thing and move onto the next. Not being optimistic or seeing myself living a long happy life.