Scary school Mum

[TakesAllSorts]

Hi, I take the bus to school with my children.
There is often another mother and child from the same school on the bus. I gave up saying good morning a while ago, because she ignored me each time, so now we pretend we don't know each other.

There have been a few strange incidents on the bus, one ended with the mother whispering to the child and abruptly dragging her away from the seat beside us. Very obviously directed at us.
There has been nothing for a while, just a bit of turning and staring at us and quickly turning back, by the Mother. All very uncomfortable, but it's public transport, so we have to share it!

Today, when I went to pick up, I was a bit early and there was noone around. She walked up very quickly behind me out of nowhere, and then in front of me, cutting me off. She seemed angry. I was taken aback so just passed her and walked further up to the next gate. After a few minutes, she came up and stood in front of me, uncomfortably close and started to turn and glare at me on and off. She was kind of muttering, but I could feel absolute rage/hatred from her.

Other parents arrived, and the children came out.
Her child came out, and was obviously expecting to go on a playmate with another child. They were holding hands and had swapped scarves. The mother grabbed her child, took the scarf off and threw it at the other child. She was dragging her at this point and the child began to cry because she was meant to be going on a playmate. The other child's mother was calling after her 'hey what about the playdate' .At this point she had picked up the child who was now screaming and was actually running down the road. People were kind of a bit dumbfounded.

I am as sure as you can be, that this was as a result of me being there. It felt directed at me.
It is obvious to me now, that she is mentally ill, and I am completely unnerved by the situation, and now don't feel she is so harmless.
I don't know what has made her take this view of me, but she has obviously demonised me, and I'm a little scared of what could happen next.

I don't know what to do. Should I say something to her like 'have I offended you, you seem quite upset with me?', or would that antagonise her?
If she is fixated on me, should I be worried?
I really want to me tell my Mum friends, but I don't want to seem like I'm gossiping about her, because she is obviously not well, but I also feel like if it's escalating I should probably tell someone?

Thank you for reading!

The other mum has witnessed her behaviour, have you spoken to her about it?
Sounds like this woman is mentally ill, I would be tempted to speak to the school about her behaviour

Is it possible that she thinks you went to school with her and perhaps have some kind of personal history?

Absolutely do not go and speak to her. I'd be inclined to speak to the school. Perhaps say something like you'd noticed this mother's behaviour was a little off and you wanted to mention it to them, whilst dropping in your experience of her towards you.

I suppose it is possible. It does feel very personal , but it feels a bit more than a dislike. If she thought she knew me maybe just ignoring me and a dirty look would suffice!

I'd probably raise a concern with the school. Not about how you perceive she treats you as that's subjective but how she treated her child.

I had kind of a similar situation going on with a group of school mums and one mum in particular. I used to get isolated by her in group conversations, followed me round a shop and walking too close to me so she'd knock into me. nasty looks etc. It's gone on for years although it's not as bad now, she still makes me feel uncomfortable. If I was you I would just keep away from her and don't give her the time of day. If it gets worse, speak to the school. Although it sounds petty, they will deal with this type of thing.

It was all so abrupt, and I really felt like I would be gossiping about her, because it would have been 'jeez how weird was that' and then talking about her personally. I'm a bit scared of her, but also feel sorry for her.
I think I'll mention it to the school.

I would guess she suffers from paranoia and has come to believe that you are following or watching her, and pose some threat to her or her family.

Do not speak to her, but do contact the school to say that all may not be well in that child's home.

In all honesty you're making her life all about you. I think it's more likely she cancelled the playdate after rushing to get her child because she had some home emergency e.g. grandma has gone into hospital or someone has died?

You're taking this really personally based on your prior interaction on the bus.
The bus one was odd. But not everyone has to like you.

I think all I would do is voice any concerns you have about the safety of the child to school and then give her the widest birth you can.
Ignore and move way if possible/needed.

Agree with pps who say don’t approach her.

it’s important you talk to the school about it. Her kids can’t be in a good situation.

also worth noting down specific instances; dates, times and nature of behaviour. Just in case she accuses you of something.

also, it’s not gossiping to confide in school gate friends. There may be a backstory you aren’t aware of, or perhaps she does it to others.

I do feel concern for the child. I have often looked at her and thought she'll need therapy in the future, but never felt she was in any physical danger. Sometimes she is sickly sweet to her and that are cuddling and giggling, other days she looks like she wishes she wasn't a mother.

I think she sounds very protective (to the point of intense anxiety/paranoia) of her child. She needed to cut in front of you at pick up to collect her child and obviously couldn’t cope with her going on a play date.

I would think that the school must have noticed her paranoia. I would just stay away from her and continue to ignore her on the bus.

That's a horrible situation to be in.
It's hard to explain though, but it doesn't feel personal in that bitchy mean kind of way. We have never had any dealings with each other, and her aggression towards me is just so intense, it's not subtle or in passing. It is completely focused.

I’d just stay away. What you’ve said, if I understood it correctly, doesn’t seem to warrant telling the school imo. If it escalates towards the child then yes.

I would speak to the school about what's happened.

What about her husband? Could he be an ex of yours ?

Maybe she thinks you’re having an affair with her husband or you look similar to someone of that ilk?

This is exactly what I'm afraid of. I understand it isn't me personally, because we have never had any interaction, so it's not rational on her part.
I'll just continue to steer clear, and look into taking a later bus, maybe if she doesn't see me, she can relax.

No. Definitely not. She's a single parent, I have no idea who the child's father is.

I would give her a wide birth.
Don’t sit anywhere near her on the bus and try and sit in front rather than behind her so she can’t keep turning around staring at you. Having said that if someone kept turning around staring at me, I would go full out into a staring contest until they looked away. She sounds completely mad.

For the child's sake, it would be a good idea to tell school.

There was a mum at ds school who would stare at me open mouthed when I said hello to her multiple times. Very odd but it wasn't to hard to avoid ever being face to face with her, if I saw her I'd dodge out of her path before she could clock me. It was so uncomfortable. One day she got her dress caught on the gate but because I was invisible I just watched her from a distance for what seemed like forever whereas anyone else I would have gone over and helped.

Does she ever talk, joke or laugh with any other mum?

Agree.

She doesn't hang around too long usually. She definitely has friendly days, like the days she is cuddly with her child, but mostly she looks really sad/scouls. She never thaws out around me though, and will always make sure she sends me a vibe. But I did see her chatting with the mum of the playmate child yesterday. That Mum looked really dumbfounded today. It was just so outside the realms of normal school gate behaviour.