Scary school Mum

[TakesAllSorts]

Hi, I take the bus to school with my children.
There is often another mother and child from the same school on the bus. I gave up saying good morning a while ago, because she ignored me each time, so now we pretend we don't know each other.

There have been a few strange incidents on the bus, one ended with the mother whispering to the child and abruptly dragging her away from the seat beside us. Very obviously directed at us.
There has been nothing for a while, just a bit of turning and staring at us and quickly turning back, by the Mother. All very uncomfortable, but it's public transport, so we have to share it!

Today, when I went to pick up, I was a bit early and there was noone around. She walked up very quickly behind me out of nowhere, and then in front of me, cutting me off. She seemed angry. I was taken aback so just passed her and walked further up to the next gate. After a few minutes, she came up and stood in front of me, uncomfortably close and started to turn and glare at me on and off. She was kind of muttering, but I could feel absolute rage/hatred from her.

Other parents arrived, and the children came out.
Her child came out, and was obviously expecting to go on a playmate with another child. They were holding hands and had swapped scarves. The mother grabbed her child, took the scarf off and threw it at the other child. She was dragging her at this point and the child began to cry because she was meant to be going on a playmate. The other child's mother was calling after her 'hey what about the playdate' .At this point she had picked up the child who was now screaming and was actually running down the road. People were kind of a bit dumbfounded.

I am as sure as you can be, that this was as a result of me being there. It felt directed at me.
It is obvious to me now, that she is mentally ill, and I am completely unnerved by the situation, and now don't feel she is so harmless.
I don't know what has made her take this view of me, but she has obviously demonised me, and I'm a little scared of what could happen next.

I don't know what to do. Should I say something to her like 'have I offended you, you seem quite upset with me?', or would that antagonise her?
If she is fixated on me, should I be worried?
I really want to me tell my Mum friends, but I don't want to seem like I'm gossiping about her, because she is obviously not well, but I also feel like if it's escalating I should probably tell someone?

Thank you for reading!

Definitely don't approach her, avoid her as much as you can. Absolutely tell the school though. Any worrying behaviour that could be affecting her child needs reporting.

I also think your instincts are telling you something, so also think maybe dropping a message to a teacher or safeguarding is a good plan. However, I also think it would be wise if you also look at your own behaviour here. You have a dialogue that seems to imply that she has had it in for you for a while. Could some of this be about how you have been around her as well? You have a valid reason for being on the bus so just continue on with your child in your normal way. Maybe try and de-escalate things a little by holding a neutral face or maybe smiling at her kids, they might be having a tricky day. I doubt this is all about you OP, if it is mental illness then it almost certainly is not. So try not to make it about you. That is more your own stuff.

Similar incident going on at our school between two other parents. One parent has taken a massive dislike to another parent and has caused massive issues. The safeguarding team and police had to get involved.

Just totally blank her out like she is a ghost and doesn't exist.

We can't like everyone, there's one mum at the school who drives me insane because she TALKS SO LOUDLY so EVERYONE can hear everything about HER child. It does my nut in.

She may have no mental illness at all. Some people are just unpleasant for no good reason.

Please report this to the school and social services. You can do it anonymously. This woman sounds like my mother. I know people used to noticed and they just ignored us even when they saw I was distressed and mum never behaved this way in front of school staff so I just got on with it as assumed no one would believe me, it's was very different in the 70s anyway to get help as a child. My mum had alot of mental health issues. Please don't report it, I promise it's likely the child would thank you for it one day..I don't think she's safe.

For the sake of the child I'd talk to the school. This woman reminds me of my mother, who was very paranoid and had delusions that people were attacking her using their minds. That extended to me after a while and home life was seriously grim for many years. I've often wondered why no one intervened and very much wish someone had.

It sounds like we had the same mother!

Behind closed doors nobody sees how miserable it is for the DC. Definitely contact safeguarding as @SocialLite said. It's down to protecting children at the end of the day. What an unpleasant situation for everyone concerned.

Behind closed doors nobody sees how miserable it is for the DC

Absolutely. Behind closed doors was far beyond misery, it was utter hell.

@NeatTigerFeet Thank you both. The child has been playing on my mind. If she was a little older, I can imagine yesterday would have not only been distressing, but also mortifying.
I will mention it to the school, and I'm sure it will be a case of 'we'll keep an eye on it'. It's like in these situations something really really bad has to happen for alarm bells to go off, and meanwhile this is the child's day to day life.

This is what I thought too. Some people have a hard time and don't naturally smile much, so they can look "scary" if you focus on them too much, but the collection doesn't seem focused on you at all, it sounds like a bad news day. You may be right of course, but be careful you aren't just being paranoid yourself.

I disagree.
I had a mother at school “ Fixate” on me, And it came out that there were significant “Issues”.

When one gets that “ Gut feeling “ as OP has had, it is for good reason.

Head teacher in my case said “ Keep well away , don’t engage on any level with this parent”

She sounds mentally unstable. Just keep your distance op.

This is about her, not you. The school will pick up on it eventually.

The school will pick up on it eventually

If they do, but in the meantime the child is left dealing with the flack.

This is about her, not you. The school will pick up on it eventually.

They might eventually, or too late and she could be an Andrea Yates. The child needs help, definitely report to the school.

🦇 💩

I really would stay clear. Whatever is going on in her mind has nothing to do with reality so you cannot change it objectively. The positive part is that you know that it has nothing to do with you, so you can absolutely disengage emotionally when you are in her entourage. Treat her as she does not exist. I would not pay attention to her whatsoever. She is starting to take mind space to the point were someone you don't know is making you write stuff on an anonymous forum on the week-end. Stay healthy, she cannot take up space, it belongs to the good people in your life.

My lovely neighbour´s son is like this. Walked up to my husband and stood an inch away from him when he went down to put the rubbish out. Staring silently, my husband asked, any problem? no answer. There is something going on with him which isn´t "normal". You don´t approach this kind of person, I blank him out totally now. Do the same with this woman, but I would inform the school in your case.