Early 30s and desperate to settle down... how soon is too soon?

[happytops]

I'm 31 and I've been in a relationship since March. Still early days in many ways, but I'm very happy.

I'm also so broody and fed up of carrying an overnight bag around with me! We both own our properties so moving in isn't so easy.

Someone in work was saying that 'all' wedding venues are now booked up until 2024.

I just want to be married and have babies!

You should be moving in now and married within 18 months. If he doesn’t want that chuck him. Don’t let your clock tick down as you get dragged along by some man’s arbitrary timescales.

Does he definitely want the same things as you? If he doesn’t then you need to know sooner rather than later.

What does he want,

We have spoken about marriage and kids and he wants that too.

TBH, part of me thinks it's too early for moving in, but the other part wants to be married tomorrow!

What does he think? It's not too soon if you both want it.

It isn’t too early. You’re 31 and have been dating for over 7 months. You don’t really have 2-3 years to throw away on every dating experience.

Your hormones are leading you into reckless behaviour.
I absolutely understand what you are saying, it's normal.
But because it's natural doesn't mean it's right. You must protect yourself against the extremes of this.

First, protect your financial position. Don't give up anything - work, house, anything. You'll need them when/if the relationship breaks down leaving you with children. No disrespect to your relationship, but we see those situations here every day.

then, if you are interested in marriage, you don't need a 'venue'. It's not about the party. When you're both ready, grab a couple of witnesses and get down to the registry office.

After that, start trying to conceive. Keeps it tidy.

8 months when you’re in your 30s doesn’t feel like rushing to move in together.

Try chatting again and ask where he sees this going and talking about timelines etc.

I wouldn't advise to move in together it's too early! Date nights go out of the window.

But before having a baby I would definitely advise you to live together and speak about finances and mat leave.

And they say romance is dead!

Well yes, you need to know what he wants. If he doesn't want marriage and children at all, then you may have a problem. Even if he does, he may still not want to rush into everything. Your time now doing things as a couple is also important in the grand scheme of things.

Financially I'm very cautious. My flat will be worth quite a bit, but I do want the security of being married before I undertake selling it. His place would suit both of us more.

I will be honest, a registry office marriage wouldn't be what either of us want. I know that that's not really the mature, adult thing to say.

😂😂😂

Have a word with yourself!

Dh moved in so to speak from day 1, well hadn't gone home from about 1 week into seeing each other.
Within about 4 weeks i told him to give his place up if he wanted to. ( we knew each other well for years prior)

I was a lone parent working pt. I made it clear from day one if he moved in i would lose all tax etc

The day he gave his place up. He gave me his bank card, and log on details, told me to change all direct debits that i needed to, so he can pay.
He said from day one that me and ds were not to have less than we had, as being single with tax credits working pt i was so much better off! But he made sure we wernt.

8 years later 2 dcs married. And hes still the same. In fact he doesn't even have Internet banking on his phone. He couldn't tell you what i spend spare money on each month. Hes not fussed.

Sometimes you just know!

Have you had a massive potentially relationship ending argument yet? That's always a good sign, how you deal with that.

Actually I think it is. Why isn't it? It is good not to want to rush it for the sake of it. You can plan a lovely day. If he wants to get married!

Are your priorities a big wedding or marriage age and a baby? Obviously you can have all three but it could take 4 or 5 years to save up for a wedding and then start a family.

We moved in after 10 months when we were 25. I personally don't think it's too early as long as you take steps to protect yourself financially.

We actually have had an argument and came through happier!

I just wish I was 3 years younger.

Have you been on holidays together? Do you often stay over at each other places?

Well that entirely depends on their financial situation and what kind of wedding they want. It could take 3 months or 20 years to save. They may already have £1m in the bank. We have no idea.

We've been on short breaks but not a long holiday. Regularly stay over at each other's.

Well I wanted children so did he so we were fortunate to do that (had two) and then had a registery office wedding because prioritised buying a house... all within five years of meeting.

You're at the prime age of him future faking you until he's suddenly not ready for commitment (and by that I mean kids, men will happily buy a house as seen on here so much) when you're 36.

Moving in together will lead to potential unknown sources of conflict. This is where you see if you have a future. Get on with testing the relationship is my advice.

Definitely do not have 3million in the bank

I'd be sad not to have a wedding. I've had a great time at my friends' weddings.