Early 30s and desperate to settle down... how soon is too soon?

[happytops]

I'm 31 and I've been in a relationship since March. Still early days in many ways, but I'm very happy.

I'm also so broody and fed up of carrying an overnight bag around with me! We both own our properties so moving in isn't so easy.

Someone in work was saying that 'all' wedding venues are now booked up until 2024.

I just want to be married and have babies!

I'd say you need to try and live together. You move onto one property, let the other one for a year. Why not try that first? If that works out, move on to the next step.

Do you want to just be married or do you want to marry him. Do you want just a wedding like your friends had or a marriage too? Do you just want someone to father your kids because your clock is ticking or do you really want to have kids with him. All sounds the same, but there are huge differences.
What's the longest you've stayed together for?
I'd book a fortnight away (maybe your Xmas present to each other) and see what it's like just the two of you, sharing a small space together, morning, noon and night and if you still feel the same when you get back, start talking seriously about timeliness, finances, children. You could have a six month trial period of living together before you commit to selling either home. Could finance this by renting one out short term?
None of this sounds terribly romantic, I know, but just things to think about maybe.

Try living together? Move into his place and rent yours out - or vice versa. You’ll soon know if it’s right or not. If you know, you know. And if you don’t know - it’s not right..move on.

Good advice. I hope it all works out beautifully. OP you sound very lovely.

I want to do it with him. He makes me happy.

I think we'll see how we go this Christmas and New Year will be time for very un-romantic discussions about timelines.

It’s not even a year….if you want the same things I would give it a little more time. I rushed at your age for the same reasons and really it was not enough time to know the person. Married after 14 months. Divorced after 16 years.

Agree you should be moving in together soon.
There will be cancellations at venues if you're semi flexible. There always are...and this recession is going to increase the number, sadly

You don't need to be married to have a baby.
You don't even need to be living together to co-parent.
You don't need a 'venue' to get married - the local Registar Office is all you need.
Decide what really is the most important thing you want. And go for it.
I hate to say it but you can get married at any time. You can get married on your 100th birthday if you wanted.
But you can't have a baby at any age.
Think about that....

It's not immature to want a nice wedding day OP!

😂

Don’t ‘get dragged along by some man’s arbitrary timescales’? What about him, getting dragged along by some arbitrary woman’s timescale for marriage and babies. Christ, the attitudes you see on here.

If you’ve only been away on short breaks you definitely need to move in with him to find out if you can live together, rent your place out for a few months. You will know very quickly if it works, finding the right partner at 30 plus is not always easy, dont waste time.

I moved in with my bf after 7 months, and that was a long distance relationship, so I moved countries. We were married after 2.5 years and had dc 1.5 years later. We're now happily married 14 years.

It’s been eight months. Calm down.

If you’re financially cautious and going into the relationship with differing assets I’d consider not being married, particularly if you aren’t planning on being a stay at home parent.
I have 100k equity, which is protected in a deed of trust, and I’m the main earner, no way am I risking that by getting wed. This is after more than 5 years together and baby on the way. And no I’m not a man.
What “security” is marriage offering you that you haven’t already provided for yourself?

I met DH in January 2012 when I was 29. We went away on holiday in the October and I made it pretty clear where I saw things going. We bought a house together in October 2013, got engaged Christmas 2013, married August 2014. We then suffered infertility and had IVF with DS born in 2017. Not been able to conceive again. I wish I'd met DH a few years before I did.

Just go for it, there are no guarantees in life. Have a big wedding in 2024 with your 1 year old as guest of honour. Keep your flat and rent it out until you're married.

Yes this. You don't know him well enough. Relationships can happen fast but yours sound like a steadier one. You'd be better off taking it slower. You're 32 not 39 right?

You don't want to find yourself doing the majority of the domestic and parenting burden, have to give half your valuable flat and pension to him if you split (albeit he has assets too).

Getting used to living together is a big adjustment. You start taking each other for granted. You soon lose the romance. I'd have at least a year of dating.

Even the strongest Relationship can struggle with the hard grind of parenting babies and toddlers. A lot of sacrifice is required. I think you are idealising marriage and children. Also have you got £thousands to spend on a wedding plus fund maternity leave soon after?

Yes this. The first few months of a relationship are all hearts and flowers. You need to move in with and see how you get on. Please don't rush in to having a baby with someone before you REALLY know them.

Me and dh met for a.first date. Got married a year and a day later. Now married 7 years with 2 kids. Go for it!

I think 2 years is a reasonable amount of time to know whether or not you can marry someone. I use the word 'can' intentionally because you can 'feel' like you want to marry them every second of the honeymoon period. I think if you're on the same page it's worth discussing timelines but I'm still at you wishing you were 3 years younger and others saying you don't have time to lose at 31!!! Yikes!!

I totally get both sides. I see all the points about half of assets plus wedding plus mat leave. It makes far more sense to move in together after a year/18 months, sell one flat and use that to fund mat leave.

If it was me I'd maybe have the moving in chat in January? I'd recommend living together for a year before committing further.

Go for it if he makes you happy. If having children is one of your main priorities have a registry office wedding and get off your contraception. Too many wait for the perfect moment and it never happens.

I don't feel like I have time to lose. I want to start ttc before I'm 35 and I just feel like time will run away if we're waiting.