Early 30s and desperate to settle down... how soon is too soon?

[happytops]

I'm 31 and I've been in a relationship since March. Still early days in many ways, but I'm very happy.

I'm also so broody and fed up of carrying an overnight bag around with me! We both own our properties so moving in isn't so easy.

Someone in work was saying that 'all' wedding venues are now booked up until 2024.

I just want to be married and have babies!

Being a woman in your thirties who wants to have children means you need to consider a timescale for marriage and babies. That’s not arbitrary; it’s biological reality.

It's better than whining about wanting a proposal.

Rent out your flat and move in together. I was married after 18 months and we have been together 27 years. Until you move in you wont know if you can tolerate each other at all. Even then a child can change things negatively unfortunately.

I married DH 7 months after meeting him, we didn't move in together until after we were married either. That was 36 years ago, so it can work out.

OP, you are not remotely old and three years makes barely any difference really. Stop thinking you are, and try not to think about deadlines. I rushed into it all at your age. I am lucky and married the right man but friends didn't. I look back wistfully on our few years as a couple and wish we'd had more holidays before we were too knackered!

Is he kind, if so he is a keeper

Think carefully about whether you can afford - financially and emotionally - to go parenthood alone if it ends up not working out.

This!

At our age, I don't think women or men need to be coy about what they want. I'd say an honest conversation is needed - doesn't need to be heavy, just a clear statement of what you want, find out if its what he wants, and if it is, happy days. Cut a key and cohabit, get things moving.

But, as PPs have said, if he drags his feet, puts you off, doesn't meet you part way with suggestions of how you move things forward, or intimates he's not ready in any way, then you need to decide do you want HIM, or do you want marriage and a baby?
If it's the former, stick around, but not with the hope of him changing his mind - he's been honest with you, accept it.

If it's the latter, it is so sad, but you've got to go start again to get to your goal.

I met dp just before my 30th birthday , moved in 9 months later. Had our first dc just after my 33rd birthday and got married just after my 34th. You can't mess around in your 30s.

Why are MNers always in such a hurry to get to the state of ‘married with children’ with as little fanfare as possible?

‘Don’t have a wedding you idiotic bridezilla, ‘grab a couple of witnesses and get down the shitty old register office.’’

‘Don’t wait to conceive, your clock is almost out you idiot. But don’t do it until you’re married. And own a house. Ideally outright.’

‘Don't spend any money on anything, put it all into savings and pensions. Unless it’s holidays. They’re delightfully middle class and a must, otherwise you’re a Luddite.’

I’m 19 years marriage. Please believe me you don’t need a big fancy wedding.
You need kindness and a good relationship with compromise and love.
DH and I had a fun relaxed reception in a village hall. We spent our money on they honeymoon. Don’t regret it at all.

I met my DH at 22. We had a flat together within a year, though had lived together full time at his place from 7months. We bought a house by 20months, engaged at 2.5years and married at 4. Been married 6 years now.
You've got a safety net of your own property. Either let it out or just keep it empty if you can afford it. Nothing ventured nothing gained is my motto! What are you going to learn in the next 6months you haven't learnt in the last 6?

I met DH at just this age, we both knew we were looking to settle down from the start. We got together in mid-February, moved in together over the summer, ditched contraception at Christmas and I got pregnant pretty much immediately. (Ended up marrying after having DS1.) That was more than 10 years ago and we have three kids now and are happy. I think it makes sense not to muck about if you're old enough to know yourselves and what you want fairly well.