Parents- what’s your background and what’s your honest opinion on smacking?

[Smidgey7]

I am completely against smacking. I grew up getting the occasional smack, my own mother still stands over smacking us although would never dare smack her grandchildren.
while I am totally against smacking and have and would never, I have certainly been in situations with my own children where I have been extremely frustrated or where they have done something unsafe and I can see how people would feel like that’s what they should do.
work as a social worker and have seen many children who have been abused with the excuse of it being a ‘smack’ and for discipline reasons. I am that person who would say something if I seen a child getting smacked in public or if someone I knew said they smacked their child.

I'd never smack my kids. I can remember only one occasion when I was smacked by my dad. Can't remember what it was about, just remember being smacked.

To be honest given how thoroughly you've made your opinion known in your OP I doubt you'll get many honest responses.

I'm of the opinion that I had the odd smack growing up and it never did me any harm. I had respect for my elders and for the rules, and I'm a well rounded law abiding individual as an adult.

I never smacked DD(10) but that was more because I never needed to rather than because I thought it was wrong to 🤷‍♀️

I remember smacking being a thing in my house but I can't remember actually getting smacked.
I won't smack my children, even if I wanted to its illegal in my country, but also I don't think its effective anyway.

I was smacked as a child, it was very common. I saw many friends smacked in school as it was “ok” back then.
when I had my first child almost 40 years ago, smacking was still commonplace and I smacked her twice on the hand. Once after she ran into the road and once when she hit our dog with a toy. Both times were reactionary and I felt terrible afterwards. I vowed to never smack her again. I have never smacked anyone since. I’m a teacher and would never even think to smack a pupil.
Im still ashamed of those 2 occasions and have spoken to her about it as an adult.
If I saw a child being smacked, I would say something.

Have never smacked and would never smack my children (they're bigger than me now!). Was smacked as a child (1970s/80s kid).

Before I had my children, I was reluctant to say I would never do it. My mum was very much of the view that there are circumstances where it just happens/you just have to, and that may have influenced me. Once I had them, I could never imagine that being my response to anything, whatever the safety aspects or my frustration levels - it just wouldn't be in my possible responses in the same way that I wouldn't hit anyone in any circumstances. I probably grabbed them hard to pull them out of danger once or twice, but smacking/hitting - never

I recall being smacked, it was humiliating and felt intense fear towards my mother for it. She would pull down my trousers and smack me in public. I still struggle with those feelings of how I felt.

I am against smacking my own children. My parents tell me I'm wring and should do it. My kids' father used to smack the eldest and we used to have arguments about it but thankfully that's now stopped as I involved the social regarding his smacking. He was encouraged to go on a course and listen to podcasts etc and has made positive changes towards how he parents. The kids are much more relaxed and better behaved now, and I believe that's because they aren't working on fear of their dad.

I was smacked quite a lot as a child, and I wasn't badly behaved. I would say it hasn't affected me as an adult but there are several smackings that have stuck in my head so obviously there is some kind of trauma linked to it.

I have two DCs and I have never smacked either of them, however with the youngest one who pushed me to my limits I was very, very tempted. I think on that occasion I hid myself in the bathroom until we'd both calmed down.

I live in France, children are still smacked here sometimes, I don't like to see it

Totally against it and I was never smacked as a child.

I know my father was smacked as child.
Unsure on my mother.

As a PP said "probably grabbed them hard to pull them out of danger once or twice" - I have also done that, but that's a completely different situation isn't it.

I've also accidently dropped DS whilst carrying him as he was squirming about screaming (DS was 3). I felt absolutely awful and no way intended for him to fall but he just bloody lept out. In hindsight I should have put down sooner but it all happened so quick!

I was smacked by my father but usually not as an instant ‘stop it!’ response but if I had done something during the day that was very naughty then my mother would tell my father when he got home from work and a smack on the bottom would be issued.

No hard feelings and didn’t happen often but was for me about learning to think about the consequences of certain behaviour.

I smacked my children (both in the 1990s) along the same lines.

I disagree with it being banned altogether.

Exactly this except I live in the UK. Looking back I can't think what my parents were thinking. My dad is a social worker!

I wouldn't smack a colleague at work for making a mistake so why would i do it to my children? It's barbaric.

We were all smacked as kids and hated it, but it was just what parents did then.

Now I have my own DC I wouldn't dream of it, particularly because as you say in the OP, the line between a smack and abuse is very unclear...my XH smacked one of the DC on two occasions because he had lost his temper, so in my view that was abusive rather than a smack to "teach" the little one something.

I used to think "but it never did us much harm", but I know that the DC was horrified at his dad's evident lack of control, and it's one of the reasons we are divorced.

If you do it in heat of moment you've lost control and it's pointless and abusive. If you do it as a planned thing then I find there to be something very unpleasant about that as well.

I was hand smacked, given the slipper or whipped with a belt growing up.
My parents were trying to discipline me and their parenting skills set didn't have better options in it.
I'm OK, I don't believe it was abuse, they didn't hit me in temper it was a specific punishment for a specific misdemeanour, however it was entirely pointless as what motivated me to behave well far more effectively was love and positive role models. Understanding being taught good values and positive motivation achieves a lot more than corporal punishment ever does imo.
I've never smacked my kids, never needed to but I DO manage their behaviour and they have clear expectations which they want to meet because I give them positive reasons for wanting to, and the skills they need to manage their emotions well which is a big part in behaving well for children.

^this 1000%

How can hitting be showing love to your child?

My mum hit us kids and i'm sure it was out of frustration rather than a desire to discipline, when she was older, she expressed great regret for doing it.

It taught me nothing..... other than don't get caught.

Sooner its made illegal, like most of Europe, the better, far more effective ways to deal with poor behaviour.

You can rule by fear or lead with authority, I think smacking is the act of a poor leader.

I was smacked occasionally, sometimes with a wooden spoon! I don’t smack my children for a number of reasons. I don’t think it’s a particularly effective punishment; I can remember the fear when my mum was coming to smack me and I don’t want my children to ever feel that; my children have, on occasion, made me so cross that to smack them would be due to my own loss of control rather than a supposed form of discipline.

I was never smacked by my parents as a child. I’m 46 and from discussions with friends (and the grief my Mum used to get), I think it was quite unusual.

My grandmother smacked my mum all the time, so she was very anti smacking me and my brother. My Dad was very onboard with her, but I do remember her friends and family members giving her a hard time about it. My grandmother smacked me once and my parents went mad.

I’ve never smacked mine, they’re 21 and 17 now. Smacking was about 50/50 when they were small.

I do remember my eldest getting away from me and running into the road, in front of an oncoming bus. I grabbed her, dragged her back and went to slap her legs but stopped myself. It was such a fright, and I lost control. We both burst into tears.

I would never smack my children and don’t think there is any excuse to do so (being frustrated isn’t a good enough reason to smack your partner, so why a child who has less chance of fighting back?).

I remember my mum and dad smacking me once each. Both are apologetic over it and agree they were wrong to do so.

I was smacked on an handful of occasions when my parents lost control of their temper with me. It was obvious they were out of control and I didn't respect them any more, although I did feel unsafe. I have never smacked or hurt my children although I have become furiously deregulated around them on occasion.

I think what I really object to about it is the way it makes the adults (terrible) behaviour the child's fault: to me the damage is there amd in the other fucked up dynamics it creates. For your own good" is gaslighting and "your own fault" is codependent. It also unquestionably ties power to violence. All of these are useless in teaching the child how to be a well adjusted adult.

For me, it was part of a pattern growing up in which I didn't see red flags in others because I believed that it was my behaviour that would determine whether or not I was safe around someone - rather than down to what kind of a person they were. I can't think of a normal and healthy reason for this kind of behaviour.

My mother hit me a few times when she got really angry. It was humiliating and made me feel deep fury and betrayal, though it didn't hurt me physically.

I am very against hitting children (don't like the word 'smack' as it sounds like it trivialities it), but I hit each of my kids at some point because I got so upset and angry. I deeply regret it and feel ashamed of myself. Hitting a child is like screaming 'I am out of control and am using the fact I am bigger to bully this person'.

Grew up being smacked (not beaten). Never smacked my own children and never would. I think it should be illegal to hit children and who be interested to see (although I think I can guess) who argues in favour of it in Parliament and what they would day.

@Flakeymcwakey it was part of a pattern growing up in which I didn't see red flags in others because I believed that it was my behaviour that would determine whether or not I was safe around someone...

this is very insightful, it's where abuse starts and how someone gets away with it until you eventually, hopefully, realise that it's not your fault