Parents- what’s your background and what’s your honest opinion on smacking?

[Smidgey7]

I am completely against smacking. I grew up getting the occasional smack, my own mother still stands over smacking us although would never dare smack her grandchildren.
while I am totally against smacking and have and would never, I have certainly been in situations with my own children where I have been extremely frustrated or where they have done something unsafe and I can see how people would feel like that’s what they should do.
work as a social worker and have seen many children who have been abused with the excuse of it being a ‘smack’ and for discipline reasons. I am that person who would say something if I seen a child getting smacked in public or if someone I knew said they smacked their child.

Smacking a biting or scratching toddler doesn’t make any sense. If you bite I’ll hit? I was also brought up in the 60/70s with the usual smacking (not belt or anything) but it had a detrimental affect on me as I was about as well behaved a child as you could get. The smacks would be for stupid, childish things not life or death stuff. It turned me into a raging people pleaser which I eventually got therapy for.

I will never ever forget the feeling of lying in bed, pillow wet from my tears, feeling worthless and unloved because I'd been smacked. The damage to my self-esteem has taken years to undo because I felt like it was my fault that I was smacked, that it was something inherently wrong inside me that made my dad turn on me when instead I hould have been able to trust him implicitly. It created a difficult relationship, especially when I got to my teens as I would deliberately hide things from him to avoid getting into trouble and this meant sometimes that I would get into situations that were over my head but I was limited in asking an adult for much needed help.

Smacking is shit parenting, it does damage children, and it is harmful.

I have four DC, I don't smack them. I wouldn't be able to live with the look of fear and betrayal on their faces as someone they love and trust breaks that trust.

I use consequences and, where possible, I match them to the situation. I don't shout either except in exceptional circumstances, shouting loses all meaning when its the norm and a speaking tone can be just as effective.

Something for the smackers to be aware of - I work in a school and every time a child says they've been smacked, even just a tap on the hand, it gets recorded as a safeguarding concern.

I was smacked, and I was adamant even as a child that I would never smack my own children.
It wasn't anything more than the usual 70s/80s parenting type of smacking. But I remember being so scared of my parents if I knew if done something wrong that I'd try to get away from them so they couldn't smack me. I never want to rule with fear or see that look in my children's eyes.

I also don't think it works. All they taught me, apart from to fear them, was that if someone annoyed you, you dealt with it by hitting them. So I would hit my siblings if they annoyed me. We fought all the time. It's daft.

I live in Wales and snacking has been banned since March 2022.

I'm really glad as I'm against it. I was smacked as a child and I believe it was because my dad lost control and didn't know how to parent any better. My brother and I would get 6 x hard smacks with his slipper. It felt barbaric.

One time, my brother got this punishment and he had not even done what he had been accused of.

I get in ok with my parents but I lost respect for my dad because of it.

Lol... 'smacking' has been banned, not 'snacking' - can you imagine if that was banned instead? 😂

Worst 'smacking' I've ever seen was in a 'lovely mc family'. All respectable out in public but screaming at the kids behind closed doors, mum has a temper like a volcano and lashed out physically as well as verbally, dad not much better. The daughters used to tear each other part when conflict occurred as that was how disputes were resolved in their house. I was school friend of the younger one, and saw it when I was round playing. Didn't like going round much after I saw the worst of it.

I was smacked as a child (80s) I would have had to have done something really bad I think because I cannot remember what I was smacked for and how often.

However my mum was viscious in other ways which clouds my judgement slightly.

I have smacked/tapped my own child a few times in dangerous situations or as a final solution where warnings and other forms of punishment have not worked. She has in the past worked herself up into such a state that I have not been able to reason or get through to her or keep her safe. A short sharp tap has cut through this and brought her out of it where I can then reasonably deal with her.

My mother smacked me and Dsis. I'm totally opposed to it - it's lazy parenting and teaches children nothing. My two are grown up and have turned out lovely young adults, so clearly violence isn't required to raise good kids.

My mum was brave enough to admit to me that if she had her time again, she wouldn't smack and that she wished she had parented more like I did.

At that age I still think a small toddler don’t always get the verbal reasoning ( does a 12 month old understand that biting or scratching hurts ?) let alone a naughty step concept to contemplate their misdemeanours.

@Newlifestartingatlast this actually made me cry. I know you say you wouldn’t smack a child now, but how the fuck can you, on one hand say

a toddler doesn’t get the verbal reasoning, and question whether they understand that biting/scratching hurt, yet also imply that they’d “get” the physical reasoning of being hurt to show them that they’ve hurt someone?!

I’m sitting here looking at my sleeping baby, and just feeling sick to my stomach about how many people are saying they’ve smacked their children.

I bet you’d all be outraged if someone physically bigger and stronger came into the house and starting policing your behaviour with physical violence and threat.

Don’t disagree if you read my thread…my point was just how do you stop a biter and scratcher 12 month old dead in their tracks after 1 incident? Anyone?

You say “OW!” and you redirect their behaviour.

There is no behaviour that warrants smacking

Don’t disagree if you read my thread…my point was just how do you stop a biter and scratcher 12 month old dead in their tracks after 1 incident? Anyone?

You don't. You accept that there isn't a quick fix and work on it with calm, patience and firmness. And yes, I did have a biter. It takes time, and in the meanwhile you watch them like a hawk, warn people with other young DC and prevent where you can.

You can't. They're 12 months old. They don't understand what they're doing they're just exploring the world. All you can do is try to avoid situations where they're able to do it and don't make a big deal out of it so that it doesn't become a game.

I grew up in the 70s and was smacked occasionally. I am very against smacking. It is using power and pain to threaten, hurt, intimidate a person who is smaller and more vulnerable than you. I think there is never an excuse.

I have 3.5 year old twin girls and honestly one of them regularly pushes me to the edge, but I haven't smacked them. How on earth do I tell them off for smacking me or smacking each other if I do it myself?

I got smacked as a child, I remember I went to school with my mums handprint on my face one day. My mum thinks I'm soft but I just do not see that it works, never mind all of the other reasons absolutely not to do it.

I was smacked quite a bit as a child and I found it frightening and upsetting. Am ashamed to have on a few occasions smacked my children, unplanned and from frustration in the spur of the moment, when they were young. I think smacking is always wrong.

My grandmother rarely smacked my mother and my mother smacked my bottom once in fright when I ran into the road. I don't smack my kids although I tap their hands if they are doing something dangerous. It's really just a strict tone I use. I don't have difficult children though so I can understand the frustrated smack occasionally. I can't understand smacking being used routinely to discipline children

Sorry bit taping hands is the same as smacking. Giving it an alternative name that minimises it doesn't change that fact. "Tapping" is still hitting someone more vulnerable than you as a means of controlling their behaviour.

I was smacked hit regularly as a child and also got the belt and cane at school so for me corporal punishment was normalised. As an adult and parent myself though, the very notion of hitting my children, or indeed any children, makes me shudder. Not only is it barbaric it is also completely unnecessary, damaging and counter-productive.

Interestingly, looking back to my schooldays, the teachers who commanded the most respect never used the belt. At the other end of the spectrum was a teacher who belted pupils pretty much every lesson. He was incapable of controlling a class and we actually had competitions to see who could get the most strokes of the belt from him in a term.

My honest opinion is that if you resort to smacking hitting then you're failing as a parent. If you can't manage your children's behaviour through non-violent means you are the problem, not them.

I’m not saying it is right..As explained I wouldn’t do it now…times have changed very quickly! Was it good teachers lobbed chalk at me- no off course not. But what was acceptable, normal, and part of life in 80s , 70, 1800 or even 1990 was exactly that. The issue was that one parent’s light tap was another parents forceful hit or throwing against a wall. As responses have said here.
It is easy to judge a huge proportion of parents, teachers and other child caregivers with hindsight. Along with everything else we’d all be horrified at now like public hangings, burning witches, slavery on an institutional level,- luckily we have this thing called human progress. I was answering the post by being honest, as requested, and explaining common reasoning/ behaviour back then.

my DS are aware I did on rare occasions smack them and my regret. In their 20/30s now. I have discussed with them- as they’re not parents (yet?) they are very uninterested in the whole thing and “whatever” .

if my post made you cry, then maybe you’ve never yet actually witnessed the sheer ferocious violence and pain your small toddler can met out to his comrade toddlers 😱🤷🏼‍♀️ . Even if they’re just doing it cos they’re teething and need to clamp down on something and human flesh is handy. 🤣.

I hate this word "smack". It is minimising what it is: assaulting someone. Doing that to a child is never ok, and is obviously worse than doing it to an adult. I feel bad if I shout ag my children. I can't imagine ever hitting one of them.

I was smacked a lot as a child. I hated it. It was really painful and so embarrassing when I was told to pull my trousers down to get a smacked bum.

I have never smacked my kids and wouldn't. I judge parents who do. Frustrated or not, you don't put your hands on your kids.

It also obfuscates what’s going on as it applies to a whole range of things, from a ‘tap’ to belting someone. I don’t think any are right, fwiw, but the latter is obviously far more serious. My parents ‘smacked’ - it was hard, on the bum or legs and left red marks. Absolutely not the same as a light tap.

I do have hard feelings over it and have a difficult relationship with them.

I was never smacked and haven’t ever smacked. If your control is so poor you shouldn’t be in the same room as children. Called it a tap still isn’t acceptable. I judge parents who loose control.

I was never smacked and I've never smacked my DS. My DF was smacked and he said it just encouraged him to either lie, hide or do worse. Mostly other adults in his life covered for him.

I believe that it encourages violence and is shaming not a lesson. It must be terrifying for a child to be hit by someone much bigger.