Parents- what’s your background and what’s your honest opinion on smacking?

[Smidgey7]

I am completely against smacking. I grew up getting the occasional smack, my own mother still stands over smacking us although would never dare smack her grandchildren.
while I am totally against smacking and have and would never, I have certainly been in situations with my own children where I have been extremely frustrated or where they have done something unsafe and I can see how people would feel like that’s what they should do.
work as a social worker and have seen many children who have been abused with the excuse of it being a ‘smack’ and for discipline reasons. I am that person who would say something if I seen a child getting smacked in public or if someone I knew said they smacked their child.

I was smacked and hit frequently by my mum. It's one of the reasons I have a very poor relationship with her.
Its embarrassing that England is not only not one of the 64 countries that has banned all corporal punishment including smacking. But we are not even one of the 27 countries that have commited to ban it. All of our neighbouring countries have ended it. For some reason England is clinging on to the right to assault kids.

endcorporalpunishment.org/countdown/

I was smacked a bit as a child (the odd one-off smack on the bum, not any sort of sustained smacking).
I don't think it did me any harm personally, however I also don't think it's good parenting, I think it can absolutely be harmful, and I would never do it to my children.

Entirely against smacking and I now find the idea of it bafflingly strange as well as appalling- I can't imagine any situation in which I'd even think of it, let alone do it.

I was smacked a lot growing up and my brother was beaten (not sure why I wasn't- maybe being a girl). DH was also smacked a lot. Very glad my kids grew up completely without it and hope that it simply stops being something anyone consider acceptable.

Ok I’ll admit it, I smacked my children literally a couple of times when they wouldn’t listen and were in danger (traffic) and when they were driving each other mad. This was in the 80s. I am amazed that no one else reckons they did it. I’m not proud of it but can’t believe I’m such a rare example. My children still appear to love me though and I sometimes wonder if it was a ‘better’ punishment than the aura of disappointment and pressure to be good that I grew up with in my ‘non smacking’ childhood.

I was smacked occasionally as a child, I can’t remember what for. I don’t feel it did me any harm and hasn’t affected my relationship with my parents, I understand it they were just different times.

I wouldn’t dream of smacking my DC, now 18 and 10, we never have and we’re in Scotland where it’s been illegal now for several years. I actually think it’s awful in this day and age and completely unnecessary. My DC are wonderfully behaved and respectful, any poor behaviour has been punished appropriately without physical punishment.

Smacking should be banned. Allowing it creates a grey area for abusive parents. My own think what they did was fine as smacking was allowed. My dad used his belt on us. Neither of them saw it as abuse as smacking was allowed.

We never had heat of the moment reactive physical discipline. We were spanked, but it was clear that it was heart breaking for my father, whose job it was, and it stopped by the time i was about 5. I don't have children but i couldn't imagine doing this to them. I have dogs, not at all similar, but similarly responsive to both positive and negative conditioning. I never even boop them on the nose.

I was smacked on the bum, right there and then if I was naughty. Over clothes though and I never remember it hurting.
I was a kid in the 80s. I never thought there was anything wrong with it and actually found it worse being shouted at as I hated seeing my mum so upset at whatever I'd done.
I wouldn't smack my child though, times have just completely changed. I have come close and each time I have been frustrated or actually once or twice outraged at the cheek or insolence and had a brief flash of 'I'll show you who's boss'. That was a horrible feeling. On those occasions I have had to go away and count to 10.
So was smacked, don't hold any resentment over it, wouldn't smack.

I remember a lot of kids being smacked in the 70s and 80s when I was growing up. It was more the norm then. You only did it twice which was far less than many back then. The thing is people can't argue that its the norm now if they hit their kids like people can who smacked back then. So it'll be harder for today's parents to justify to their adult kids in future. I had mine in 2004 and 2007 and I wasn't the norm by then and I never smacked them. None of my friends did

I was smacked sometimes as a small child, never in anger but when I had been told not to do something and did it anyway. I wasn't afraid of my parents but found being smacked not very painful but more humiliating.

This !

I was smacked occasionally as a child in the heat of the moment, by both parents. I would never, ever smack my own children, I would just feel wrong about it and I’ve never needed to. Closest I’ve done is once had to physically pull them to keep out of danger E.g running into road. I can’t say whether or not it ‘did me any harm’ but it didn’t help me be less naughty or help me understand why I did something that was wrong

I’m against smacking (I don’t mean the little light hand tap people like to use as their excuse for smacking). Thing to ask yourself (any parent) is, how comfortable would you be smacking your child in front of other people/strangers (in a shop, in front of the teacher at school, etc). If you think no, I wouldn’t do it then well don’t do it at all. If you don’t mind then, well you will be rightly judged.

Apparently I was smacked as a child. I say apparently because I don't remember it happening, so it certainly only happened rarely. I believe it did happen, because I can remember my much younger brother being smacked (though not often).

I don't smack my children but I sometimes think their lives might be easier if I did. My older one (my younger one is too young to say - or to smack, for that matter!) while not badly behaved, is certainly not as well behaved as I was as a child, and I don't think it makes her any happier.

I can’t imagine wanting to ever be physically violent towards the person I love most in the world, who is so much smaller and more vulnerable than I am. I want her to see me and feel safe and loved, not afraid.

I was never smacked and would never smack. I feel very strongly about it. But I was shocked to discover how many of my friends were smacked as children. I always thought of it as something from generations past, not my own (I'm in my 30s).

I actually think smacking very be very effective. It has to be clear, controlled, and a known final resort. It works between the ages of around 3 and 8, although that varies for different children

I don't understand these parents who look in horror on smacking, then shout at their kids. I think shouting is far worse, tbh. Smacking can be done with a quiet explanation, and clear, precise way, and is over immediately. Shouting is far more damaging, and disturbing for young children, and the mood lasts far longer.

I was a smacked child. I smacked my eldest two sons. I recorded it in my diary, one got 3 smacks between 3 and 8, and the other got 5.

I didn't smack my youngest son. Times had changed, and it is no longer culturally appropriate.

There are other ways, as long as punishments are swift, firm and entirely predictable, removal to room, confiscation of item, etc, then it still works. Never shouting though.

I have shouted at my children a couple of times, also recorded in my diary.. not through deliberate, considered choice though, but through anger and temper.

I am a teacher, and sometimes shout at school - that is for much older children, teens, and is always a deliberate, considered choice.

I was smacked occasionally but I don't have any trauma from it nor strong feelings. Everybody I knew got a smack at one point or another, it was just life.

I have smacked (lightly tapped, definitely no mark left behind) my DS once, on his hand, when the little sod sank his teeth into me and wouldn't let go. No. It wasn't the right thing to do but trying to gently coax his fangs out of my arm wasn't working either. I was in pain, I'd probably smack a dog too if it were doing the same.

I've never felt the need to smack them in response to a dangerous situation like running out in the road or running off.

Smacking is most often a loss of control or a response to a stressful situation - not justifying that but a planned smack? That's nuts and that sounds way more abusive in my opinion.

I think I had a couple of smacks. It would not have been a regular event though - racking my brains, I can't recall it happening more than twice. I have never smacked my DS and never would. DH did once - DS was about 6 or 7 and was lying on our bed playing up about something. He deliberately kicked DH in the privates, and DH instinctively slapped his legs away (while crumpling in agony). It was understandable, but they were both desperately upset and nothing like that has ever happened again. DH and I have always been 100% on the same page as regards any form of physical violence, and it was purely a pain/shock reaction.

I don’t smack, I was smacked. It’s abuse and violence. Every time. It’s time England outlawed it totally like Scotland wales and most of main land Europe. It’s utterly abhorrent you can still assault a child and they, the most vulnerable in Society are not afforded the same protections in law as adults . I get it’s illegal to hit and leave a mark,but it should be outlawed totally in English laws like other countries.

I wouldn’t want to even be near someone who deemed it acceptable to hit children and raised in a home of violence and fear/ . Couldn’t even look at them.

My parents smacked me.

I can’t say I’ve never smacked my children, because I smacked DD1 when she was tiny. She’d picked up a sharp knife and wouldn’t give it back, my only option was to smack it out of her hand. It was for her own safety, but I still feel guilty about it.

I smacked both my dc twice each when they were aged about 5, it was literally a tap on the leg. This was the late 80’s. Neither dc can remember ever being smacked. I’ve asked them.
Tbh whilst I would never smack now I don’t feel any guilt as I did it out of frustration and realise that my own childhood, I was smacked a lot, had not equipped me with the maturity to deal with some situations any other way.
I think shouting does almost as much harm but that’s not banned.

I also think controlled smacking is much more abusive than a frazzled parent smacking a leg when at the end of their tether and then regretting it.
I can’t imagine looking at my dc and calmly thinking I’m going to inflict physical harm on you in order to make you behave.

Well I was smacked occasionally and I feel no trauma. My parents were good and we get along very well today. I think it was deserved at the time. I can't even remember a specific occasion.

Anyway, I have also occasionally smacked in the heat of the moment, like one smack over clothing, and I don't think my children are traumatised.

I agree it is not the best way to react, it should be avoided, it doesn't set a good example..... but I don't feel guilty. I know I am a good mum, I do my best 99.9% of the time, my children are happy... but I have on occasion been pushed to a place where I have done something that I regret and that's life. When it's happened I have always apologised and talked about it.

My siblings were beaten. So was I but less as I was fairly well behaved.

I have never beaten (or smacked) my DC. It's pointless and barbaric and does fuck all to foster good relationships.