Turning the age your parent was when they died

[lolalayla]

Just wondered if any MNers have any experience of this as its making me feel I think depressed. In a little while I'll be coming up to the age my mum was when she died and I've noticed its on my mind a lot, thinking about death a lot, it has made me feel miserable and also weird if I overtake her in age? Anyone been through this and know what I mean?

I can also relate. My first experience of losing someone was my dad, he was 41 and I was a child. Then an aunt who was 48, an uncle who was 52, and my mom aged 54 when I was in my early 20s. I didn’t know my grandparents, they had all died in their 50s or early 60s, before I was born. My Mom was sick with cancer for a decade before she died, all I know of being in your 40s is being grossly sick or dying.

I’m 40 now. I don’t have a penny of a pension. I am sorry for my DC who I feel I’ve condemned to a short, sick life. I was the oldest person in my family when I was in my 20s. There was no one older than me left after my Mom.

That just made me cry. 46 was my fathers age and I have several siblings, one of which has passed 'the age' and another one is almost there. That coat will be heavy on my shoulders until the last sibling goes through the age. A few years yet. I know the coat well though.

Totally get everyone's feelings with this. My mum died 47 years ago on this day when I was 17, she was 44. I'm 63 and for a long time now I realise what she has missed, as well as what I missed too. has
I've been through every emotion possible today as for some reason it's been really difficult, just a lot going on in my mind I guess as it's also two years ago in a couple of days since my dad passed away too. What a week...but I'll get through it and come out the other end. My thoughts are with you all.

Wishing you all the love & luck that you need 💐

My father died at 33. Rare cancer. I am 41 and have spent everyday feeling like k am on borrowed time. I have really struggled with it
and lockdown made me change my life because I was just so afraid of something happening to me. I got healthy, entirely changed my lifestyle. I do feel better now, I probably only think about it each week now instead of every day.

sympathies to everyone. Losing a parent young is life changing.

My auntie died age 56 when I was 18, I'm 56 now & she has been dead longer than I knew her. By the time my dad was 40 he had lost both his parents & two brothers.

To add a different perspective, my DM died when I was 3. She was 24.

I didn't really feel anything as I passed the age she died at.

But every milestone my own daughter passes makes me sad that DM never experienced it with me and I never experienced it with her. IYSWIM.

Some of these posts made me cry. My mom was early 40s when she died and I am now that age. It's a very strange feeling. I moved to a different country and oddly I can't face going back there this year. I can't go back to the house and place where all this happened. :(
Wishing everyone peace and happiness!

Very eloquent and moving post. Hits home.

Not ne, but my DM really struggled the year or so after she passed the age her mother died.

Yes I turned 44 last year which was the age my dad was when he died. I was 16 so was already longer without him than with

It did actually make me feel quite anxious and was on my mind a lot

I feel for you all. I thought I was the only one that had these thoughts.
My Mom was older than most that have been posted about, she was 60.
I think to myself I have 18 years left when I know that's totally irrational.
The scary thing is, it could even be less than that.
I think about my mortality very often since losing her.
We just never know.

It’s comforting to hear other peoples stories, even if that sounds a bit crazy on its own.

You live in this world where it seems as if no one else gets it. Loosing a parent as a child, the amount of times I’ve wanted to scream “why my mum????” “Why me?” Why do I have to cope without mine? My mum didn’t deserve it, my dad didn’t deserve to be a widow, my grandparents shouldn’t have had the pain of outliving their daughter. I had my mum for a fifth of my life and she’s still crystal clear in my memory. I’ve lost count of the amount of people who have implied I can’t possibly remember her.

Time is precious. In my head I gave gone over and over the fact that If I were to fall to the same fate as my mum I would have 7 years left. I can only hope and pray it doesn’t happen, that I make it to be an old lady, like everyone hopes,

Ive had a good cry after this thread, it has to be released every now and again. I send hugs to everyone on here.

Not my parents but my sister. I'm coming up to the age that she was when she was diagnosed with breast cancer. She died then 6 years later at 45.

I'm still a way off my Mum's age when she died because she had kids much later in life than I did, but my DD is now the age I was when Mum died (9) and I am finding it very hard. At the time I told myself that I was really grown up, fine, could cope without her, and now I see how young DD is and how much she needs me. I've actually found myself grieving for my Mum all over again.

I cannot picture myself as an elderly person, or even a person in late middle age, at all. I cannot imagine that I will ever have grandchildren. My parents both died when I was young, my grandparents all died before I was born. DH talks a lot about our retirement and I smile and nod but inside I have no emotional response to what he is saying because I don't believe I will be there.

You live in this world where it seems as if no one else gets it. Loosing a parent as a child, the amount of times I’ve wanted to scream “why my mum????” “Why me?” Why do I have to cope without mine?

@ChocolatemilkBertie I just want to say that I really relate to this. It's so horribly unfair. My teenage years were just horrendous and I know they would have been different if I'd had my Mum. My life with her in it is like a novel that I will never get to read and I am so desperate to know what the chapters would have been.

Very similar experience. My dad was 35 and I Deffo went a bit loopy around that age and when my kids have reached certain ages

My mother died aged 21 of cancer. I was 4. I don't remember feeling anything specific at that age but have suffered health anxiety all my life and don't cope well at all with other people being ill, which makes me feel selfish. My own daughter is nearly 19 - so roughly the age she fell ill - I think a lot now of what my GPs must have gone through. It's unimaginable. On the positive side, i have always grabbed at life, tried to make the most of everything, tried to travel and have fun as much as I possibly could. Probably means I am not as financially sorted for old age as I should be but then like PPs have said, I never envisage that I will live to be old. My GPs all lived well into their 80s though.

My mother died at 59, my maternal grandmother at 60, both from Breast cancer, as I approached 59, I became really aware of time passing and more and more anxious about my own health ( not helped as I have Lupus and have become gradually more disabled anyway).

But more than that I felt I had no road map of how my life should go after that age, I had no role model of life after 60. I still now 2 years later feel like I'm fighting through fog as to how and what I should do with out the leading of my mother's life.

Not the same but this year I’m exactly half way between the age my
mum was when she died and the age I was when she died. That feels weird enough.