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Original poster

Handhold please - newborn in NICU

57 replies

nannyquestion1 · 10/11/2022 13:16

She was born this morning via elective section and isn't doing so well. Currently ventilated in NICU, arterial line in and leads on her head monitoring brain activity for seizures.

I can't go to her yet because my spinal block hasn't worn off. I haven't met her or touched her 😭

OP posts:
FabricPigeon · 10/11/2022 13:20

Oh gosh, that must be very stressful and upsetting. Hope it all proves just to be precautionary and you can start getting to know each other properly really soon Flowers

BobStrangeNameforaGirl · 10/11/2022 13:27

That sounds incredibly difficult, sending lots of positive thoughts.

Have you chosen a name?

Lentil63 · 10/11/2022 13:40

I was just like you nearly 33 years ago. It wasn’t nice but he went on to do really well and excelled at school. He’s a GP now with his second baby on the way.
I know it’s all a shock now, I was sure mine was dead until I saw him, covered in tubes and bleeping. Thinking of you and hoping for the best. X

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Stopyourmessingaround · 10/11/2022 13:44

Oh my heart goes out to you. That was me in your position almost exactly 14 yrs ago and it still feels like yesterday. She is in the very safest of hands and they will be doing everything they can for her. I'll never forget that anguish of those first few hours not knowing anything and not being able to see my baby as I had an elective too. If they haven't already, ask them if they can put you in a private room on the postnatal ward. Hopefully it won't be long until you can see her and hold her. Sending all the positive thoughts in the world.

feellikeanalien · 10/11/2022 13:44

I really feel for you OP. When DD was born at 28 weeks she was whisked off to NICU. I didn't get to see her again for nearly 24 hours as I had to have emergency surgery. DP got to see her but I was so out of it I didn't really know what was going on.

It was hard to see her wired up to a ventilator and other machines and under lights for jaundice.

To be honest it was all a bit of a blur.

Once you get over the initial shock you start to cope with it. I was terrified that I was going to pull out some vital piece of equipment and every time the machines started making noises I went into major panic mode. The staff were so kind and helpful and explained everything as it happened. By the time she was ready to come home I was much more able to cope with it and was bathing her with some of her wires still attached.

It is frightening at first but the staff will do everything they can to help you as well as your DD. NICU seems a scary place because most people will never have experienced it but it is the best place for her.

Babies are fighters. My DD is now a (occasionally stroppy) teenager but when I look back it was so hard to believe that we would ever get her home.

Sending youFlowers

VikingsandDragons · 10/11/2022 15:24

I'm really sorry this is part of your story, I hope you can meet your little one soon. Were they prem or had a complicated birth? One of the best pieces of advice we were given in our nicu time (which between two children came to over 8 months!) was not to panic unless you see the doctors and nurses panicking, what is scary to us as non-medics is commonplace to them a lot of the time. Thinking of you.

mommybear1 · 10/11/2022 15:44

Handhold here OP my DS5 was born prematurely and whisked off in similar circumstances. I hope you will see your baby very soon - the nurses will explain all the tubes etc.

Nosleepforthismum · 10/11/2022 15:56

This was me last year, also after an elective c-section. It’ll be okay but I know how scary it is seeing them hooked up to the ventilator and all the tubes and wires. They are little fighters and I have a very healthy one year old now but it was a very stressful few weeks. It’s important that you look after you as well. You have just had major surgery. I found travelling twice a day and then sitting around in NICU extremely uncomfortable and painful. It bought me to tears but I felt like I’d be judged for leaving DS and not being there every waking moment. Eventually I had a full breakdown and went home for one night to sleep in my own bed. I should have done it a lot earlier and all I can say is that no-one will judge you if you need to do that.

Hugasauras · 10/11/2022 16:01

Oh what a horrible situation. Did you know she was going to be born poorly or was it a total shock? I hope you can see your lovely little girl soon. Make sure you are eating/drinking when you can - I know it's tough when you've just had a section and even more so when your baby is in NICU but you've just had major surgery so don't force yourself to do too much. Hopefully you can be wheeled to see her soon.

Sending positive thoughts your way x

columbo83 · 10/11/2022 16:03

Hand hold OP she's in the best hands.

SliceOfCakeCupOfTea · 10/11/2022 16:09

My baby came 6 week prem and was put straight into SCBU as his lungs weren't fully developed and so not working so he was on a cpap machine, in an incubator under 24/7 monitoring and tube fed.
It's so scary because when they aren't with you it feels difficult to bond AND you have that fear that if you do bond with them and they die that it'll hurt so much more. Then you feel like shit for thinking that and feeling that way. You feel guilty that you aren't able to do anything. You feel guilty whenever you're away from them but then sitting by their bedside 24/7 doesn't help anyways because you then feel in the way and exhausted and in pain...

Ultimately, I really hope your DC gets better and you're soon together. I was worried that our entire relationship was ruined for life in the first few weeks because we weren't together, but now I have a healthy 5 year old who will never leave me alone (how I miss having a wee in peace!).

Original poster
nannyquestion1 · 10/11/2022 21:44

It's all a shock. They think there's something wrong with her brain, the doctors are being quite negative.,

OP posts:
Toddlerteaplease · 10/11/2022 23:08

Is she being cooled? If they are thinking she's been hypoxic for any length of time, it will give her brain the best chance of recovery. Handhold here.

Nat6999 · 10/11/2022 23:16

My brother was is NICU for a month when he was born & my parents were told that the chances were he wouldn't survive. He is 50 now with a family of his own.

MultiTulip · 10/11/2022 23:19

Have you been able to see her yet? They wheeled my down in a bed so I could visit my DD in the NICU. I hope she has a reasonable first night and you get better news in the morning

Bacardi101 · 10/11/2022 23:22

I’m so sorry OP this sounds the most stressful time for you both my DD’s were born very poorly but you would never think it now. Thinking of you 💐

Lightupalso · 10/11/2022 23:25

Oh my lovely, my heart absolutely breaks for you. I’m so sorry that you, your family and your baby are going through this.

All my babies went to NICU. It’s hard enough having a baby, let alone one who is in NICU. What I would say though is they are the kindest, warmest, knowledgeable folk I met on my pregnancy journies in the NICU, so as hard as it is your baby is in the right place being cared for. Make sure you keep talking to them, write down any questions and don’t be afraid to keep asking about anything you need clarification on. And you make sure you try to do self care.

you are an absolute warrior, and you are doing remarkably given the circumstances. Yours is a journey no one would chose but you are doing just fine. You should be proud of yourself

lots of love to you - take care xx

FreiasBathtub · 10/11/2022 23:37

I'm so sorry this is happening to you. I've been there. If she is being cooled, it'll be a little wait until the doctors know very much. I remember being terrified because they kept refusing to give me answers. But it's just the way they are. They don't want to give you any predictions that could possibly turn out to be wrong. Handhold for you from me. Hope you get a bit of sleep tonight.

IncessantNameChanger · 10/11/2022 23:44

❤ I hope tomorrow brings some positive news

ForensicFlossy · 10/11/2022 23:52

Sending love and hope your beautiful baby is doing well 💕

Jenpeg · 10/11/2022 23:55

Sitting alongside you and sending you strength, please use this space in whatever way might help you through, we've all got you 💕

longtompot · 10/11/2022 23:56

My youngest was born 9 weeks early so I really know how you are feeling. I'm sorry to hear the drs are being so negative, maybe things have changed, but they only really told me the positive stuff. My dh told me afterwards there was one touch and go moment, but I think he and they wanted me to rest and heal.
The hardest time was not being able to be with her.
I went in two days previously due to reduced movements. They gave me both lung strengthening injections and some injections to try and stop labour. I had a pethadine injection so I could get some rest, and woke up saying she's coming. The midwives were oh no she's not, and then oh she is! Suddenly my nice quiet room was full of medical people, she was born, and they whisked her away into the incubator. They showed her to me as they took her away to NICU. A lovely nurse took a Polaroid photo and put it in a card for me so I could see what she looked like, but really I could only see her hat and the massive oxygen thing over her face.
She was in for about 4 weeks before coming home just in time for Christmas. She will be 23 at the end of this month, but I can remember it all like it was yesterday. It was a huge shock after two normal births.
When you are ready, you will be able to go and see her, even if it's in the middle of the night. They should encourage you to be involved in her care when she is more stable, changing nappies, feeding via the tube if that's how she is being fed.
But for now, try and rest and then you will feel stronger to be able to take any info in and be able to help. Thinking of you @nannyquestion1 and I hope she turns a corner soon Flowers

Margo34 · 11/11/2022 00:02

Oh OP so sorry, though take hope in that NICU nurses are absolute wonderpeople. It's such a hard journey to experience, NICU babies, and it can feel so isolating. Make sure you eat and attempt to rest. And, if you feel up to it, write down things the medical practitioners tell you about baby's condition (or better yet, ask them to write it down for you) so you can read it later if you need time to process all the information thrown at you. It is such an overwhelming experience. When my newborn was in NICU, I hand expressed colostrum through the nights because it gave me a thing to focus on from the limitations of my ward bed that I knew might help baby and it made me feel less helpless. Is there something like this you could try to help focus or distract yourself?

Congratulations on your beautiful baby 💐

HeyHeyHeyyyyy · 11/11/2022 00:29

Praying for your baby ❤

StillMedusa · 11/11/2022 00:32

Thinking of you OP and hoping for the best outcome. Tiny babies can be a lot more resilient than you can imagine!
My grandson started life the same way 18m ago.. ventilated with tubes and wires everywhere. Terrifying for my DD2 and her dh but he pulled through. The doctors were very guarded at first too.
I hope you can get to touch your little girl very soon xx