Handhold please - newborn in NICU

[nannyquestion1]

She was born this morning via elective section and isn't doing so well. Currently ventilated in NICU, arterial line in and leads on her head monitoring brain activity for seizures.

I can't go to her yet because my spinal block hasn't worn off. I haven't met her or touched her 😭

Sending you love and strength

Sending you and your daughter love and strength x

Thank you so much everyone - your kindness and reassurance is staggering. I'm so grateful.

Things are more positive this morning but we are a long way from being out of the woods.

This sounds cautiously like progress, you've made it through the night, just keep putting one foot in front of the other and take a bit at a time, look after yourself in all of this, your wee baby will need you ❤️

That is a positive sign, just focus day by day. Have you seen your baby yet? Xx

Hi op, just dropping in with another handhols - my DD was born at 34+4 y EMCS and spend at week in SCBU on cpap and with an NG tube. It was absolutely devastating and so so scary. I would strongly recommend looking at the website for Bliss, it's a charity that supports families with prem babies. There are lots of resources and they have a helpline as well.

I remember feeling so robbed of those first few days with my DD - thankfully I had a private room on the postnatal ward but it killed me hearing the babies crying through the walls. The nicu was on another floor so I had to shuffle down a really long corridor, go down in a lift and then walk some more to go to visit her. I also spent ages expressing to try and get my milk to come in, for some reason it really bothered me that they were giving her formula (never did get on with breastfeeding but it gave me something to focus on).

Please do let us know how you get on if it's helpful for you, we're all here for a handhold xxxxx

Hello lovely

Another handhold from me, as an ex NICU mum, it’s not how anyone expects or wants things to go is it.

Like you we were told things looked pretty bad on day 1 but gradually they became more optimistic. It sounds like things are improving for you too, all fingers crossed for you.

It will probably be a bit of a rollercoaster with lots of ups and downs, please try not to panic and google every development (like I did), you will always get the worst case scenarios online. Just take it day by day.

I really hope you get to touch her soon, I didn’t hold DD for a while after birth as was recovering but luckily DH was able to go with her which I am very grateful for. Do you have a partner who is able to be with her while you can’t?

xxx

I can be with her and touch her but not hold her. She's been having abnormal movements and seizures - though none since 9pm last night. She's still very poorly though. We're waiting for the results of a brain scan now, I'm not sure she's even had it yet.

I just need my baby. Can't hold her for a couple of days because she has arterial lines in.

I need her to be ok.

I really felt this when I read it, the need to hold our babies is so overwhelming, you're being so strong. She knows you are there and you are doing everything to get her better. This is a good sign that she's not had any seizures since last night 🙏🏻🙏🏻🙏🏻🙏🏻 please keep us up to date when you can, thinking of you and the results of the scan and praying for good news

You are not alone. Just be there for your baby. She hasn't had seizure for a while so that is positive. Stay strong and take each moment as it comes. Stay hydrated and eat if you can. The doctors know what they are doing.

I'm so glad things looked more positive this morning. No seizures is wonderful! I remember how hard it was to sit next to the cot and not be able to hold her. I used to talk to her, absolute nonsense, and stroke her face. Obviously she was heavily sedated but it did help me a bit. Like pp I went a bit nuts on the expressing/breastfeeding because I wanted to do SOMETHING for her... I hope things continue to look brighter for you all.

Hope you are doing ok OP

💐

After numerous tests she was given a 100% clean bill of health. Relieved is not the word.
We're back home now.

BUT - I am suffering a lot. I feel absolutely bereft of my newborn experience. I couldn't even hold her for nearly five days. I don't want anyone else near her, I can't bear the thought of her growing up and changing. I cry every day. I panic over the smallest things. My stress levels are through the roof about her feeds - how much and how often, whether her nappies her wet enough. There hasn't been a dirty one for a few days and I'm panicking about that.

I should mention that I'm heavily medicated for bipolar disorder and my partner is a GP so I have 24 hr access to expert advice but it doesn't help. I just constantly think that he might get it wrong.

First of all I am so so happy to hear you are both home and your baby girl has completely recovered.

I hear you that you lost the first days of newborn experience but she is still very much a newborn and you have her healthy and at home and you can cuddle her as much as you like! In fact, now, that is the most important thing you can do - for her and for you - relax at home and cuddle and feed. Have music on, have tv on, whatever you like but just cuddle and feed and sleep.

You are not alone with feelings of stress re nappies and feeding and just constant 'are they ok?'. I think that's a normal part of the newborn experience to be honest.

Remember you need to eat well and sleep well, just as much as your daughter. Enjoy looking after yourself too. Congratulations x

I’m sorry that you had a scary experience- please talk to your midwives and health care visitors about how you are feeling.

it is a valid feeling after you have been something so scary BUT you don’t want it to take over other aspects and rob you of your time now, at home and safe. It might be helpful to speak to someone to process your feelings.

i don’t want to minimise your experience and I 100% understand what you feel about the ‘newborn experience’ but if there’s one thing I’ve learned from going to NICU for all 4 of my children is that motherhood is a LONG journey. Sure I had a fairly abysmal experience 4x and yes I had to have counselling to overcome it. But each day I try to live in the present and enjoy being a mum - which I rock at!! I tried my very best when they were born and I did what I could and on my best days i feel like a hero- I was there for my babies when I almost couldn’t even look after myself. Sometimes yes, I feel I lost out- but that disappointment is just the gap between my expectations and reality. I know of friends who have had better experiences and also very tragically those who have had worse and so on those days I remind myself not to compare.

it’s early days. You’re knackered. You’ve had a scary experience you prob should be a bit upset and it might take a while to process it all. But don’t let it also rob you of the now if you can help it. Keep talking and let your midwives and health visitors know- they might be able to set you up with something.
take care lovely xx

I think that sounds like a very normal response to an incredibly stressful and traumatic experience. Obviously getting some help for yourself sounds like it would be good, but I think also go easy on your expectations of yourself. It doesn't all need to be seen through the lens of bipolar - it was a genuinely awful time from which you will need more time to recover. While you are recovering, the ideas of wanting to protect your baby from others, panicking over everything, grieving the time you missed etc etc make lot of sense.

It's also easy for these really tough periods to whizz by and then be hard to really remember properly later on. I would say if you can, try and make a short deliberate nice moment each day and take some photos and video of it (make sure you're in them too) so you have some little islands of lovlielness to look back on amidst the storm of right now.

Hang in there

Hi @nannyquestion1 just wanted to see how you're getting on, and baby?

Hi! We are both absolutely fine, thank you. DD is amazing, very strong muscle tone and trying to roll over already (she's 7 weeks old). She's a really placid little thing.

It's taken me a while to recover from the trauma. We've only just started putting her to bed upstairs at night because I needed her next to me all the time. Stupid, I know.

Thanks for asking 😊

I have been in your position and it’s a terrifying traumatic experience, my heart goes out to you x I asked to be taken down in my bed to see him …. He’s your baby, it’s your right. I also got my catheter etc out early the next day to go see him. My son is now 20 and 6’5 and strong as an ox- these nicu babies are fighters. Sending you massive hugs and strength and hope your baby will be well soon

Thank you so much for replying, I am really happy to read this update. DD sounds delightful! I'm happy for you :)

About needing her next to you all the time and putting her upstairs at night, I can't say there is anything at all stupid about it. Especially with your birth experience it makes so much sense that you felt that way, it's natural, i think most would be the same. It was a big step to take, well done on taking it. What you went through takes time to recover from and I hope you are kind to yourself especially on those difficult days. 💐

Ah that's a lovely update Op! See I said babies are tougher than they look
And it's perfectly ok to want to keep your baby girl next to you... she's been inside you for 9 months and then had a week unable to hold her, your instinct is to keep her close and that's fine!
( I don't think I put my firstborn down at all for the first few months and she didn't have a scary start!!)

Enjoy your lovely baby, it does get easier!

Congratulations on your beautiful newborn. I'm delighted to read the update.

What a delightful update. Wonderful to read. Sorry to hear it's been a struggle to come to terms with what happened.
Re putting baby upstairs, safe sleeping guidelines recommend baby sleeps in the same room as you for six months. Just wanted to check you are aware of that.

I’m so glad things are on the up, she sounds a delight.