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Original poster

Would you cut off someone like this?

55 replies

asblindasabat · 08/11/2022 21:19

i have been friends with a woman I met years ago at a toddlers group.

We don’t really go out often, but we do occasionally and we don’t speak regularly or anything.

We happened to bump into each other about a month ago in the park as we were both out walking our dogs.

She suggested meeting up for an afternoon coffee (this week) with some of the other people that used to go to the group and I said that would be lovely. She said she would text me to let me know the details nearer the time.

I never heard from her again after that day so I assumed it just wasn’t happening. Anyway, today I went on Facebook to see she had checked in at a coffee shop and tagged the other women in the post.

She went out and didn’t even bother to include me or mention it again to me even though she initially invited me.

Part of me just really wants to cut her off but I don’t know if I’m overreacting or not

OP posts:
TigerDroveAgain · 08/11/2022 21:21

To be fair, there's not a lot to cut off here. You don't see her much and then she acts like a cow.

pilates · 08/11/2022 21:25

Yes

Original poster
asblindasabat · 08/11/2022 21:31

TigerDroveAgain · 08/11/2022 21:21

To be fair, there's not a lot to cut off here. You don't see her much and then she acts like a cow.

That’s very true.

OP posts:
pyjamafashionista · 08/11/2022 21:31

I'd like the post, then ignore her for all eternity 😄😄

VenusClapTrap · 08/11/2022 21:36

She isn’t a close friend. I don’t think I could get worked up about it either way to be honest.

Georgeskitchen · 08/11/2022 22:04

Maybe she just forgot to let you know?

Original poster
asblindasabat · 08/11/2022 22:06

Georgeskitchen · 08/11/2022 22:04

Maybe she just forgot to let you know?

Well, if that’s the case, I still don’t consider her a good friend. If you forget you’ve invited someone then they mustn’t mean that much to you.

OP posts:
flingingmelon · 08/11/2022 22:08

People are weird. This happened to me a few years ago. Pretty much the last thing we said to each other after coffee was that we need not split the bill as she could get the next one.

Totally ghosted me after that. I probably said or did something really dumb but it would have been nice to at least get a message telling me why I'd been a dick so I could apologise (or conclude it was her and not let it bother me).

You're best off without people like this in your life.

LearnerCook · 08/11/2022 22:12

She's not really much of a loss, is she. Just ignore her from now on.

Original poster
asblindasabat · 08/11/2022 22:25

When people say ignore her, do you mean not reply to her messages or just blank her if I bump into her in person again? Or both? It’s very tempting to do both!

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ClaryFairchild · 08/11/2022 22:46

Stay civil, but act "cool" towards her. Don't blank her, but grey rock her so she has no information about you.

But do remove her from FB.

Original poster
asblindasabat · 08/11/2022 23:43

ClaryFairchild · 08/11/2022 22:46

Stay civil, but act "cool" towards her. Don't blank her, but grey rock her so she has no information about you.

But do remove her from FB.

Just read an article on “grey rock” - it was an interesting read!

OP posts:
jamontoastaddict · 09/11/2022 01:18

I'd PA like post and ignore and would be seething Inside but also realise it's a trifling things. She's a minor aquaintence who either changed her mind or forgot to invite you to something she'd already had planned

I can see in it now "oh hi yes lovely to see you blah blah blah blah blah blah. Listen, a few of us are going out for coffee next week, you MUST come yeah? It'll be fun! I'll let you know! " then. radio. Silence.

I smile cooly at her in future and ignore any texts unless she persistent then I'd just five factual response as you need the bridges unburned!

Heard of grey rock but need to read article

Original poster
asblindasabat · 09/11/2022 12:04

jamontoastaddict · 09/11/2022 01:18

I'd PA like post and ignore and would be seething Inside but also realise it's a trifling things. She's a minor aquaintence who either changed her mind or forgot to invite you to something she'd already had planned

I can see in it now "oh hi yes lovely to see you blah blah blah blah blah blah. Listen, a few of us are going out for coffee next week, you MUST come yeah? It'll be fun! I'll let you know! " then. radio. Silence.

I smile cooly at her in future and ignore any texts unless she persistent then I'd just five factual response as you need the bridges unburned!

Heard of grey rock but need to read article

Good advice!

OP posts:
Strugglingtodomybest · 09/11/2022 13:13

Personally, I would never just ignore someone. What I would do, is wait until the next time I saw her and casually mention that I'd seen the photo on Facebook and ask why she hadn't invited me after saying that she would. Not in an irritated/annoyed tone, just casually, as if I didn't care one way or another but am just interested in why she said she would and then didn't.

There may be an innocent explanation. I would listen to the explanation, judge whether or not I believed it, and take it from there.

OriginalUsername2 · 09/11/2022 13:16

I’m all for cutting off toxicity but people seem to be “cutting people off” left right and centre! We’re all going to end up alone 😩

Merlott · 09/11/2022 13:17

Oh god that's awful. Why do people do this crap? I've had similar. Gushing all over me in the street promising all sorts and then these shenanigans. Is it a power trip I wonder?

Cam22 · 09/11/2022 13:32

Blank her. Be frosty. She deserves no less.

BobbyBobbyBobby · 09/11/2022 13:36

Is it possible that she had every intention to invite you but when she spoke to the others it was someone in that group who said along the lines of ‘oh not her, I’m not coming if she is!’

She then decided to not invite you because she sees the others more?

fruitbrewhaha · 09/11/2022 13:37

Maybe she is in regular contact with the other people she met up with? She could be in a WhatsApp group or similar, so it was easy to send around a message, but she forgot you're not on it, or forgot she needed to let you know as well? If you were keen to see her, you could easily have dropped her a message to ask if it was going ahead or organise to see her anyway, but it doesn't sound like you were bothered.

SpringSparrow · 09/11/2022 13:39

You could have messaged her to check if it was still on. Maybe she thought you weren’t that interested or forgot she hadn’t told you where to meet? I’d just message and say you’d seen on Facebook that they had met up and you’d love to catch up when they meet again?

Wheredoallthepensgo · 09/11/2022 13:43

I'd have to leave a like and a "hope you all enjoyed meeting up" PA comment but it's perhaps not the adult approach Grin

mondaytosunday · 09/11/2022 13:44

agree with @SpringSparrow

Original poster
asblindasabat · 09/11/2022 15:47

I didn’t message her as it was up to her to get in touch with me. I just left it to see if she would or not and she didn’t

OP posts:
Original poster
asblindasabat · 09/11/2022 15:47

I don’t run after people. I just wait for them to get in touch with me if they suggest going out

OP posts: