Would you cut off someone like this?

[asblindasabat]

i have been friends with a woman I met years ago at a toddlers group.

We don’t really go out often, but we do occasionally and we don’t speak regularly or anything.

We happened to bump into each other about a month ago in the park as we were both out walking our dogs.

She suggested meeting up for an afternoon coffee (this week) with some of the other people that used to go to the group and I said that would be lovely. She said she would text me to let me know the details nearer the time.

I never heard from her again after that day so I assumed it just wasn’t happening. Anyway, today I went on Facebook to see she had checked in at a coffee shop and tagged the other women in the post.

She went out and didn’t even bother to include me or mention it again to me even though she initially invited me.

Part of me just really wants to cut her off but I don’t know if I’m overreacting or not

I don’t know. I can’t think of any reason why that would be the case though.

Even if that were true, I think it is still pretty mean to just never mention it again.

You don't need to cut off somebody you barely see.
I know what you want to strike back in some way but really you are better off just acknowledging that you aren't close, she's not a great friend and that's that. Otherwise you are expending energy pointlessly.

Sorry op but she probably plain forgot as you are not friends, or it was a throwaway comment you must come for a coffee with the group and didn't think anymore about it.

No need to get upset or remove her etc. Just don't bother to engage with her again, spend some fun times with your own friends. You have moved on it sounds like to me, so why would you care? This would have no more air time from me in your position.

If I didn't know the other friends, I'd like the post, and I'd comment 'so lovely to spend time with friends, glad you had a nice time' then just grey rock her.

She is not a close buddy
I would not think about it
If I saw here again I would chat to her
Just not a big deal to me

not going out with them doesn’t bother me really. I’m introverted anyway.

I was happy to go, but equally happy to not go.

i said I would go, she said she would text me in due course with details, I never heard a thing again.

I don’t chase people so that’s why I never contacted her to follow up, nor should I have to. I’m not desperate and it was up to her to contact me again with details.

But she failed to do that and went on out anyway

I doubt she would notice or care

It’s not that we aren’t close that’s the problem.

its the fact she invited me to something then kind of uninvited me without actually saying it. It’s rude and ignorant regardless of whether you are close or not.

She knew you would see but didn't care.

Maybe she was sick of doing all the arranging?

It was her choice to arrange something and “invite”me.

Nobody has to arrange anything.

I would have messaged her to say "Oi, you were supposed to let me know when ye were meeting - I wanted to go". But then if I knew it was happening this week I would have contacted her to ask is it still happening.

Either way, I wouldn't be bothered enough to "cut her off", which sounds extreme.

@asblindasabat I think you missed my point. "No one had to arrange anything" well no, but you didn't have to be invited and you're put out about that.

Sometimes we get out what we put in.. maybe the other people make an effort with her

I said I would go, what more could she has wanted from me?

She was the one who invited me, it her responsibility to contact me again to confirm a place and a day/time.

@SweetChild0mine im not put out about being invited - I appreciated it at the time. I was looking forward to seeing them but, understandably, I am a bet peeved that I’ve just been abandoned despite initially being invited.

Oh yes, another Flakey McFlakeface. There is nothing to see here, no hidden agenda, nothing to get offended by, other than the fact that this woman said ‘oh you must join us for xyz’ and then plain forgot you existed.

There is something galling about being perceived (or more likely, not perceived) as one of those beige faces that disappear into the crowd, like you’re under that spell in Harry Potter which puts you in complete camouflage. But believe me, you’re wasting your time settling scores with such superficial people. If they find you that uninteresting, then they’re unlikely to be that fascinating to you.

But you don't think any of the arranging is down to you and you're not really friends by your own admission. She maybe mentioned it in passing but it wasn't arranged. Maybe one of the others arranged and invited her so it's not actually the same outing she mentioned to you?

I don't think it's understandable you're peeved. You don't want to arrange anything and you're not really friends.

Take the high road.

This is not a situation worthy of cutting a person out.

Maybe one of the other attendees said, no I'ld rather it be just us regulars so we can chat ourselves, without the irregular person.

It's all a bit petty - let it go. She might have simply forgotten.

Like I said, it was her who invited me and she said she would let me know so it was up to her to follow through with that and she didn’t.

personally, I think it’s rather hurtful to invite someone to something and to never mention it again.

I was happy to go, but equally happy to not go.

Maybe this came across in how you responded to her invitation and she had second thoughts?

I don’t chase people so that’s why I never contacted her to follow up, nor should I have to.

This suggests that you perhaps consider yourself to be more important than others. Sometimes, if we want to stay in touch with friends, we may have to go the extra mile.

Although, in this case, the friendship seems at best lukewarm, so probably best to let it fizzle out.

Nope, I’m no more important than anyone.

there has been times in the past where she hasn’t even invited me to things at all so that’s why I don’t chase her in regards to any plans.

And it’s a good thing to not run after people. If they want me to go, they can contact me.

Personally, I hate all the fakery. Imagine if you'd gone. You'd have been in that photo 'having a lovely time with your friends'. But they'd be all the same people as now. Facebook is just so fake and really unhealthy imo. How about deleting FB and focusing on real friends?

I agree with you.

@asblindasabat I feel like you think she should invite you and you shout attend like the queen.

If you wanted to meet up then initiate it.

If you don't, no issue in her not inviting you.

Glad to hear it.

As for what to do if you see her around, I would just smile and wave and keep on walking.