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Original poster

Parenting hypothetical children before becoming a parent

55 replies

Goingforplatinum · 08/11/2022 19:59

Just light hearted but before having children how did you think you would parent compared to how you actually parent?

I always said I'll alway cook homcooked food, however my child will soon look like a chicken Nugget.

I was always going to stick to my guns and not give in..... reality of parenting - anything for a quiet life!!!

OP posts:
Chdjdn · 08/11/2022 20:02

I said I’d never make empty threats and here I am often saying we won’t go somewhere or will go home from somewhere based on behaviour knowing full well I won’t follow through…..

PuttingDownRoots · 08/11/2022 20:03

I always imagined my children would find school easy, learn spellings and maths easily etc

Having a dyslexic child was a bit of a shock... it never crossed mind it could happen. Turns out DH is dyslexic as well (never diagnosed as a child). She works twice as hard as I ever had to do though and it pays off. I'm really proud of her.

Chdjdn · 08/11/2022 20:04

DH and I also had this idea that children would fit into our lifestyle rather than us changing everything for them……..no idea why we thought that would work especially with multiple DC

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Original poster
Goingforplatinum · 08/11/2022 20:11

Mine was always going to sleep in her own bed. Shes currently lying next to me.

OP posts:
MintJulia · 08/11/2022 20:15

I swore I'd never hit, swear at or shout at my ds, all memorable parts of my own childhood.

I occasionally lose my rag and shout at him, but we always sort it out before the end of the day, and I always apologise. Being a teen, he yells at me too but apologises too. We get on ok 🙂

pictish · 08/11/2022 20:16

Oh everyone is a marvellous parent before they have kids.

Dilbertian · 08/11/2022 20:34

I would do lots of handcrafts and cooking with my dc, and we would go to the park on the way home from school most days, and I would speak to them in my mother tongue (or at least teach them a bit), and I would never shout at them.

Ah well.

Cuck00soup · 08/11/2022 20:37

Oh yes. I think my children weren't going to be allowed near a screen at all until they left for Uni. That one went well.

mondaytosunday · 08/11/2022 20:41

I thought I'd be patient, calm and steady. I thought any issues could be worked out with a talk and a cuddle. Instead I was bored when they were babies and resented how they took over my life. And I have never been so angry and frustrated in my life. The best and worst of myself has been made self evident during my time as a parent.

Violettaa · 08/11/2022 20:43

We weren’t going to have too much telly. Ha.

Morph22010 · 08/11/2022 20:45

I didn’t imagine I’d have an autistic child and I certainly didn’t imagine the amount of time, effort and stress I’d have to spend fighting the system for them

thaegumathteth · 08/11/2022 20:45

Years and years ago I witnessed this at a zoo at the elephant enclosure ...

Mum 'look an elephant'
3yo 'it's giraffe'
Mum 'no it's an elephant, look it's got a trunk and it's big and grey'
3yo 'it's a GIRAFFE'
Mum 'look' <lifts toddler to see properly> 'it's an elephant'
3yo <wriggling and screaming sliding to the floor> 'GIRAFFE GIRAFFE NO LIKE STUPID ELEPHANTS'
Mum 'ok it's a giraffe'

I was all self righteous at the time 'well I wouldn't give in like that and that child's going to forget think elephants are giraffes etc etc' . Then many years later I had kids, and specifically a daughter who would argue anything, absolutely ANYTHING, and never ever stopped talking and I get it. I totally get it.

Merrow · 08/11/2022 20:48

I thought I'd do home cooked meals for us all together, instead DS was referred to a dietician as he had such trouble eating and when he ate pasta for the first time at 3 years old it was a celebration.

I thought we'd go out exploring in forests and tramp through mud, instead I have to force him out the house and he hates getting dirty!

We do lots of curling up with a book though, which was something I was really looking forward to and is as nice as I thought it would be. And I was surprised at how much I enjoyed it when he was a baby. I thought I was going to find it really hard until he was walking and talking, but actually I loved seeing him grow and change and take in everything.

DatasCat · 08/11/2022 20:51

I always thought I’d be good at developing my children’s intellectual abilities and encouraging their reading. Turns out I’m about as good at talking to children as Mr Spock. As for my DC, they’re now at uni and are doing OK, but it has little to do with my awkward attempts to shoehorn worthy educational snippets into every aspect of their play as per 2000’s development advice.

user267451 · 08/11/2022 20:53

I was such a good parent before I had children!!
I think it's the relentless tiredness I didn't factor in. I thought I would always be so patient and consistent. I would spend my days planning educational activities and enriching experiences.

Xiaoxiong · 08/11/2022 21:01

Today all the childless women at work were going off on the disgusting idea of a portable potty for toilet training. They all agreed they'd train their kids over a weekend and put their kids back in nappies at all times when out of the house for more than 30 mins.

Other two parents and I caught each others' eyes and smirked.

Original poster
Goingforplatinum · 08/11/2022 21:03

Yup I was going to lovingly read bed time stories every night.
DD hates being read to and just takes the books off me.

OP posts:
SuperSleepyBaby · 08/11/2022 21:03

I thought children would be easier to control!

Crocidura · 08/11/2022 21:08

No dummies: one did, one didn't but only because he couldn't keep it in (I tried!) and used to suck his teddy instead

No fussy eaters: DS just getting better at this now aged 18

Good cooks: haha, nope

Musicians: one is, one isn't

No telling 'lies' to them: I'm ashamed to say that on particularly difficult days I have resorted to "right that's it, I'm phoning Father Christmas"

That I would be heavily involved in helping with school work and generally facilitating all round geniuses: 🤣 oh dear. DS wouldn't let me anywhere near his homework and helped me to come to my senses about this with DD. I did help him a lot with UCAS and all the admin of starting university. I don't expect DD will need quite that much support if/when she goes, but we'll see.

They seem ok in spite of it all ☺️

SamanthaVimes · 08/11/2022 21:14

My hypothetical children would eat whatever was put in front of them, sleep through the night and not do things “for attention”

my real children have shown me how ridiculous I was 😅

I think a PP was right in that when you’re pre children you can’t understand the relentless exhaustion that makes you pick your battles about things you previously would have expected to be firm on.

LittleRedYoshi · 08/11/2022 21:23

I wasn't going to be one of those parents who planned things around their child's routine. Turns out there are very good reasons behind sticking to routines!

I also wasn't going to be a parent that restricted unhealthy foods. I thought kids getting high on sugar was just a myth. Learned that one the hard way!

TaraRhu · 08/11/2022 23:20
  1. Healthy home cooked meals every night. Nope. I didn't think my kids would recoil at anything I make - Preferring fish fingers. I thought they'd just eat what I eat like French children.Plus where did I think I'd have the time to home cook every meal with two kids and a full time job?
  1. No phone. I was adamant my kids would NEVER get to play with my phone. FAIL
  1. Assuming any bad behaviour / not going to bed was lack of discipline on the parents part. They should know better. I had no what hell a tired 3 year old can unleash.
  1. Wooden toys. Vowed I wouldn't have a house full of plastic rubbish... I've just bought a hot wheels garage for my sons Xmas.. biggest.. brashest pile of plastic ever. It's literally the only thing he wants.

5 pink I vowed I wouldn't dress my daughter in pink. I even cried at the amount of pink clothes people bought her as a baby. Yet a few weeks ago I realised 75% of her clothes are pink. And it was me who bought them. She's 18 months and bald. She is misgendered if she's not wearing pink. Sounds rediculous but it really annoys me when people ask me what 'his' name is.,, even if she's wearing. Dress. So I've obviously over compensated.

  1. Following naturally on from pink is gender stereotypes. I vowed my kids wouldn't be forced into stereotypes. But they did it all by themselves. My daughter has access to all her brother's toys. However, she spends her time trying to put nappies on her soft toys. My son started pretending random objects were guns from about 3. He has ok interest in soft toys despite have many.
blackheartsgirl · 08/11/2022 23:48

All organic food
would never have chocolate or cakes.
no tv

well that never happened lol

UmmMaryam2019 · 08/11/2022 23:55

Just be perfect.

No screen time.
Meals all from scratch.
Plenty of fun, outdoors, messy play,
Not have to many toys- use part group for exposure
be the role model I want them to imitate, no shouting swearing ranting losing it, being calm respectful happy fun.
Teach them everything before anyone else. Letting inlaws have equal opportunity to be in their lives. (Regardless if I disagreed with them)
Exposing them equally to all girl/ boy activities.
Homeschooling, (or no nursery till at least 5- legal schooling age)

Surround them with safety security love peace and happiness. 24/7. (Dd1 BF till Dd2 arrived 3 yrs later. only ever contact napped in case she woke up alone!)

Never thought would get ppd with dd2 and let everything go to pot. Having to start over with both of them after nearly 10 months of misery.

This time expectations are keep them clean, fed and rested. Start simple. Cut out negative influences.

CherryIce · 08/11/2022 23:58

Chdjdn · 08/11/2022 20:02

I said I’d never make empty threats and here I am often saying we won’t go somewhere or will go home from somewhere based on behaviour knowing full well I won’t follow through…..

This is me all over Grin
Need to start following through!