Parenting hypothetical children before becoming a parent

[Goingforplatinum]

Just light hearted but before having children how did you think you would parent compared to how you actually parent?

I always said I'll alway cook homcooked food, however my child will soon look like a chicken Nugget.

I was always going to stick to my guns and not give in..... reality of parenting - anything for a quiet life!!!

No cheap looking, garish character clothes.

My house might as well be a warehouse for Disney clothing stock now!

And as previously said, my kids were going to slot into my life and just behave! Pwhahaha

I always imagined being really into crafts and building dens from sheets etc.

Turns out that my kids are only really interested in such endeavours for a few minutes before moving on to something else and it takes longer to tidy up than the time they played with it. I do bake with them sometimes but my eldest has a massive aversion to having sticky hands and so I usually end up doing it by myself.

I also HATE play parks, especially popular ones where I might have to make small talk with Other Parents.

Mine weren’t going to have temper tantrums. Could piss myself laughing now at my own stupidity.

No telling 'lies' to them

@Crocidura I did quite well on that one, until my innocent 6yo ds came home from school and said "Mummy, what's a shirt lifter?"😂

I still haven't worked out an answer to that one. At the time I managed 'oh, uhmm, I'm not sure.' and changed the subject.

I was always going to answer my darling childrens questions and never fob them off.
Actual reality
Child - asks question e.g “ where do bogies come from” or “ why do I have to eat vegetables”
Me - gives detailed scientific answers
Child - asks vaguely related follow up question
Me - gives shorter but still full answer
Child- asks “ but why” x 15 times
Me - gives shorter and shorter answers til finally resort to “ just cause” and go and lock myself in the bathroom for 5 mins of blessed peace from the constant questions.

I always thought I would have patience. I do not have patience.

I imagined that I would play with my children. I hate playing so I had two children specifically so they'd play together and leave me alone.

Maybe that's where I'm going wrong, I need another one.

Don't do it.

The only time my brother and I played together was when we were on holiday with no TV and no other kids around. We spent our formative years attempting to kill each other.

@sashh maybe not then.

The one I have is hard enough 🤣

My kids would never eat in the car. Why would they need to? Now I make sure the older kids can reach the snacks/packed lunch and hand it around to all!!!

Oh my kids where absolutely gonna eat vegetables and I'd be really strict with not eating sweets. I'll leave that there 🤣

Don't you know they just need boundaries and consistency that's where most people are going wrong 😂😂

I still believed my own hype after my first two as they were (relatively) easy now with my third I know I was just lucky!

I think I parent pretty much how I thought I would to be honest - but I never had these overblown ideas of being a ‘perfect parent’ in the first place. I never thought ‘home cooked meal every night’ and ‘no screen time’ - why would you?

I think I was surprised that they weren’t the children in my head but completely different people.
The first surprise came as my son was still being born and midwife told me he was blonde. I’d been imagining a dark haired baby even before I got pregnant.
I wanted to be a stereotypical family where the mum prepares a family breakfast, dinner altogether each day and things like that. Except getting everyone up and out for school and then everyone home at same time made that impossible, especially with trying to get to work too.

She was going to eat everything and whilst pregnant I would eat only healthy, organic food.
Unfortunately all I could stomach was Asda ham sandwiches and she won't entertain anything but hoops, nuggets, beans, cereal and apples. Oh well.

Same. Only mine will not play with each other so instead I have had years and years of them arguing over who I was going to play with. Poor DH loves playing with them but is never their first choice.

I was also another who thought that the DC would just slot into our lives and no way would we change just to suit them. Well you can all imagine how that went.

I was also determined that my DC would be one of those who gets used to eating out in restaurants but multiple severe allergies as a baby and toddler made that almost impossible.

I listen to my childless BIL and SIL perfectly parent their non existent children and just laugh to myself.

I would skip around the immaculate house, wearing something floaty from Boden, preparing organic snacks for rosy cheeked children, fresh from the morning pushchair jog to the park. The children would be playing happily with their wooden, non gender stereotypical toys, whilst Baby Einstein would be on the TV in the background. Dummies obviously would never be used, nappies, for the short time they were needed, would be cotton and sludgy poo would never leak out onto the carpet. The dog would never glare at me judgementally, asking how the hell I thought this was all going to work. Yeah right. 😂😂

I am quite similar to how I imagined I would be but what I never anticipated was having an autistic/ADHD child who is incredibly challenging and leaves my mentally, physically and emotionally exhausted. My 2 nuerotypical kids are easy generally but my nuerodiverse child is very very hard work. I have to parent him quite differently to my other children as he struggles hugely with executive functioning, focus, following instructions and accepting rules

No unrealistic expectations of parenting from me....that's why I chose not to have any kids!

My very lovely sister told me she saw me give my child birthday cake for breakfast once and thought "I will never do that when I have kids."

It took a while but once her eldest got to 10, she was firmly in the birthday cake for brekkie club.

I am pretty laid back with kids who love rules whereas my sister has the reverse. It's weird how things go sometimes. I have had to come up with rules for my kids while she has had to let hers find their own way more.

I think Mother Nature is laughing at us both

Yes, Lord knows what I was thinking. My dc don't play together so I ended up with two dc pestering me to play!

I’d like to buck the trend and say I fully expected to never have children as I wouldn’t have the patience or skills to be a good mum.

DD has proven me wrong (which tbf is her favourite hobby).

I did expect while she was a baby though that at least one area I’d be on top of was school & education since those are my strong points. LOL
She’s dyslexic, has ADHD, lost her learning log in a week, goes through water bottles quicker than the water in them, don’t remember the last time she finished her homework. Spends too much time in class chatting and not enough on learning.

My hypothetical children would eat whatever was put in front of them, sleep through the night and not do things “for attention”

This. They would be biddable and well-behaved, the sort of children you could take anywhere and who would fall into line with a stern look or a quiet word 😂. They wouldn't talk back or argue. Given that both DH and I are a bit frenetic and have a stubborn streak a mile wide, I'm not sure how we thought this was going to work 🙄. Most arguments in our house are between DH and DC1 because DH still doesn't understand the concept of a 'tactical retreat'.

I think my parenting is largely in line with what I thought. But like a pp said, I think I had pretty reasonable expectations of what it would be like. I was the oldest and my youngest sibling was born when I was a teen, as were cousins. I grew up surrounded by babies and toddlers and knew full well they don't do what you want them to do!

Was never going to use a dummy, my eldest ended up in nicu at a couple of days old and they asked if he could have one and no way was I going to say no!!! Second had one too and still does for sleeping.