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Original poster

Elderly parent moving in…

80 replies

Extensionwoes123 · 04/11/2022 19:04

I have a bog standard 3 bed house. I’ve had plans for years to get a loft extension and build a garden office, but not been able to afford it.

i have suggested to my elderly parent that they could sell their house and pay for it, and move in with me as I’d have loads of space. They agreed.

my sister has said I could be in trouble with tax/inheritance/social services as if the parent becomes unable to use the stairs or becomes more infirm the house wouldn’t be suitable, and they’d have to move into a care home.

is she right? I have a suspicion she’s just worried about her inheritance, but I can’t afford to be landed with a big tax bill if she is..

OP posts:
Kite22 · 04/11/2022 22:48

Everything @Forestdweller11 said.

This is really ill thought out.
You need to sit down with your sister and your parents and do a LOT of talking, and discuss "what if...." scenarios.
Get advice from people who actually know what they are talking about - talk to charities like Age Concern. Get legal advice.

ilovebagpuss · 04/11/2022 23:14

God this is mean, you get a nice big house reduced mortgage and extension. Your fairly well relative needs no care currently and will put by a few hundred thousand for care fees.
Your sister if she is 50/50 on the will could claim you have taken advantage and expect her 50% that has been ploughed into your house.
Yes you have the elderly parent living with you and you may well do some washing and cleaning and food providing but given the option Your sister might like that money spent on her house and she will house the parent.
Your parent can't just give you tax free gifts of 100's of thousands either.

SuperCamp · 04/11/2022 23:19

Afaik it isn’t deprivation of assets if it occurs before the need is identified?

OP, you do sound very controlling and opportunistic over your parents’ money. POA doesn’t give you the power to make decisions on their behalf until they have been assessed as not having capacity. By a GP or similar.

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about these subjects:

Care homes Dementia & alzheimer's General money
MyGrandmaLizzie · 04/11/2022 23:22

SuperCamp · 04/11/2022 23:19

Afaik it isn’t deprivation of assets if it occurs before the need is identified?

OP, you do sound very controlling and opportunistic over your parents’ money. POA doesn’t give you the power to make decisions on their behalf until they have been assessed as not having capacity. By a GP or similar.

Local Authorities are going to be even more cash strapped than they are currently, and will be looking back further in time when assessing someone's finances regarding self funding for care. OP should be very careful and get advice.

Lemonlady22 · 04/11/2022 23:29

Grabby

Original poster
Extensionwoes123 · 05/11/2022 08:34

i think it’s her that’s being grabby because she’s worried about her inheritance being spent on somewhere her parent is going to live.

can she actually do anything though? It’s all been arranged, parent has given me the deposit already so work starts in a couple of weeks so it should be done by the time the house is sold.

i think she’s pissed she’s found out now and can’t put her oar in and tell me it’s a bad idea so she’s trying to get me to say legally she should have a share, but that would mean I have to sell my home to pay her.

OP posts:
KindleBlanketsandmugoftea · 05/11/2022 08:52

So you wanted the loft/extension for years but could never afford it.

Now youve worked out a way to have someone else pay for your extention and convinced yourself it is to benefit your parents in their old age, despite wanting it for years before you came up with this plan. Now your sisters inheritance is on the line.

Couldn't you have just been patient and had your home improvements done with your inheritance when your parents died and sister would have also had her even share. Then you wouldn't have to pretend your intentions were to care for your parents in their old age.

Magelica · 05/11/2022 08:57

Is this a reverse?!

madnesss · 05/11/2022 09:06

i have suggested to my elderly parent that they could sell their house and pay for it, and move in with me as I’d have loads of space. They agreed.

Do they have capacity? That sounds like a hell of a big thing to do for one child of two.

PuggyMum · 05/11/2022 09:10

If parent went into a home at £1000 a week she'd soon see her share disappear.

Had parent sold the house yet or do they have cash savings to fund the build? When the house is sold they could give sister the same as you've been given for the build?

But you should get legal advice should a care home be needed or inheritance tax be a concern

FloozingThePlot · 05/11/2022 09:21

Have you come here for advice, OP? It sounds like from your last post the decision is already made and work is about to start.

If you are looking for advice, your sister has a point and you'd do well to listen to her. It would be prudent for your parents to get independent legal advice so they understand the agreement they are entering into. If you value any relationship with your sister and think you, or your parents, might want or need her support (of whatever sort) in future it would be wise to engage her in discussion and decisions.

Age UK has lots of helpful information including this on Deprivation of Assets.

Also, if you are managing your parents' money, either on a formal basis through a LPA or appointeeship, or informally with their agreement, decisions taken need to be with their informed consent (hence the importance of independent legal advice) and in their interests.

Princessglittery · 05/11/2022 09:29

@Extensionwoes123 you have not answered my question

Sorry about the dark nature of this, but for example what happens if you are killed, injured, become disabled?

As I pointed out, as it stands if your parents gift the money and you die your money goes to your DC so they are left homeless without the funds to buy anywhere.

Your sister can be left a % of your home with you being granted a lifetime interest so she can’t force you to sell.

whowhatwerewhy · 05/11/2022 09:34

Seems like you just want your house extension at the expense of your parents and sister.

Querty123456 · 05/11/2022 09:37

My partner has just moved in with one of his parents to support them. Complete nightmare, they now can’t be left alone. Days out now out the window, holidays too. It’s such a massive commitment which will just get increasingly demanding. Currently he can only pop out for 30 mins or so at a time do it’s completely taken over our lives. I really wish I had insisted on a care home.

PottyDottyDotPot · 05/11/2022 09:39

Putting the financial aspect to one side have you really thought this through? You will end up being 24/7 carers to your parents, I’ve seen this happen. You could end up with no life of your own.

Dotcheck · 05/11/2022 09:42

So, your parents will gift you the money, but won’t gift your sister anything from the sale of their large home

This will presumably increase the value of your home

You house will remain yours and be passed on to your son

Your parents haven’t suggested any of this- this was driven by you, fuelled by your desire for a garden room and loft

There is no mention of what your sister will inherit. Or her children

Not only have you engineered this, you are going for power of attorney

You don’t seem motivated by the care and well-being of your parents. In fact, you say that any remaining money ( after you get your extension, garden room and mortgage reduction) be used for their care

You don’t mention if your sister will inherit anything

Your sister’s concerns are rebranded as ‘grabby’ and ‘putting her oar in’

Have I missed anything?

tealandteal · 05/11/2022 09:45

You should really seek legal advice. As it stands, if your parent/s die within 7 years you could be hit with inheritance tax.

I can see why your sister is annoyed as your parents will states 50/50 but they are giving you a significant amount of cash now, before the 50/50 split. Your house will be worth more once the work is complete.

You should also seek advice re deprevation of assets, if your parent had a stroke tomorrow and needed care,how would that be funded.

Your sister can’t insist your parents go on the deeds of your house.

femfemlicious · 05/11/2022 09:47

FloozingThePlot · 05/11/2022 09:21

Have you come here for advice, OP? It sounds like from your last post the decision is already made and work is about to start.

If you are looking for advice, your sister has a point and you'd do well to listen to her. It would be prudent for your parents to get independent legal advice so they understand the agreement they are entering into. If you value any relationship with your sister and think you, or your parents, might want or need her support (of whatever sort) in future it would be wise to engage her in discussion and decisions.

Age UK has lots of helpful information including this on Deprivation of Assets.

Also, if you are managing your parents' money, either on a formal basis through a LPA or appointeeship, or informally with their agreement, decisions taken need to be with their informed consent (hence the importance of independent legal advice) and in their interests.

She didnt come for advice about if its a good idea. She came for advice on how to stop her sister doing anything about it. She is out to screw over everyone. OP is VERY greedy and nasty!.

@Extensionwoes123 why so you beliieve you deserve more of you parents inheritance than your sister. I bet your parents didnt get any legal advice about doing this. They are in for a rough ride.

countrygirl99 · 05/11/2022 09:48

As a warning my friends grandma moved in with friends mum (FM). It was fine for about a year then it became apparent she had dementia and she went downhill very fast. By the 2 year anniversary of her moving in FM couldn't even safely leave her even to do household chores. While FM was hanging out the washing in the garden she decided she wanted a bath then forgot she had left it running. Was sitting back in her chair when FM came back indoors and then water started coming through the ceiling. A couple of weeks later FM was stripping the beds and her mum decided to make a cup of tea. She put an electric kettle on the hob and set the kitchen on fire. £000s of smoke damage to the units etc.
Already she couldn't leave the house without arranging for someone to sit with her or she got too distressed and the house was like Fort Knox because she had let herself out and wandered the streets in her nightie at gone midnight.

PottyDottyDotPot · 05/11/2022 09:55

I think paying for an extension is not a bad deal for potential 24/7 care.

Princessglittery · 05/11/2022 10:01

PottyDottyDotPot · 05/11/2022 09:55

I think paying for an extension is not a bad deal for potential 24/7 care.

@PottyDottyDotPot I agree but what happens if the OP becomes disabled or dies? What happens if the OP moves them into a home and their savings are gone - they may.need the money they are gifting. A legal agreement protects the OP and her parents.

toomuchlaundry · 05/11/2022 10:02

If the money is treated as a gift to pay for your house extension and is deemed deprivation of assets you might have to sell your house to pay for care home fees

madnesss · 05/11/2022 10:04

I think paying for an extension is not a bad deal for potential 24/7 care.

And if the care isn't needed, or can't be provided?

FredWinnie · 05/11/2022 10:06

Financial abuse - assuming this is true

FredWinnie · 05/11/2022 10:08

Sorry - that should say potentially financial abuse - it certainly raises red flags - I used to work in care and this was something we were instructed to look out for