What advice would you give to a mumtobe?

[Mumtobe2305]

I’m 13 weeks pregnant today with our 🌈
What advice would you give to a first time mum / mum to be?

My top advice would be re sleep: let the baby nap for a max of 2 hours per nap during the day, watch wake windows, don’t go to the baby in the night unless they’re actually crying as they’re such noisy sleepers. Get them used to being put down to sleep by rocking them, swaddle, white noise then put down awake.

while it doesn’t always work, this way you’ll get a baby used to sleeping in their cot from the start which is a massive help

Politely ignore any advice you get from well meaning family, friends and other mums as you will know your baby best and find a routine your own way.

But hypocritically, for me, what helped is to throw the schedule out - baby doesn't know they're supposed to nap 3 times a day and for precisely 107 minutes and 24 seconds. If they need to sleep they will. My daughter dropped all her naps earlier than others, and we never capped any to be shorter, I didn't have the energy to put into it. She's now 18 months and seems fine.

Listen to your own advice. You may not have experience but no one else knows your baby like you do so trust your instincts.

Don’t get hung up on the stuff that won’t matter by the time your child starts school. No one can tell the difference between reception age children by the way they have been fed milk, or weaned, or wether they have been taken to baby classes or not.

Sleep when ever you get the chance
Share ALL care of baby with your partner from the start.
Don't be bullied by in-laws to let them see the baby. Your baby your terms

Get as much sleep and rest as you can before the baby's born as it will soon be a luxury!
Don't turn down any offers of help if you like and trust the individual. They can hold the baby while you take a shower or do some simple household tasks while you hold the baby. Ask your partner to make plenty of sandwiches and other snacks that can be in the fridge as grab and go, as it can be a struggle to get yourself fed!
Drink tons and tons of water, while you are pregnant and if you breastfeed. Your body needs all that water and you can get seriously dehydrated.

If you feel you don't know what you are doing and totally overwhelmed, virtually every mother feels this way! Don't believe that must mean you are a terrible mum.

If you know any other mums and dads make friends because talking to other adults you can relate to will be a life saver.

If you have a male partner be sure he understands that if you are breastfeeding not much else will be getting done and he needs to be prepared to do the Lion's share of cooking and housework.

Don't have a silent house while babies are sleeping. From the start get them used to having low level noise around while they nap. The womb is a very noisy place babies do not need silence to sleep and life will be much easier for you if you can get them to nap while life goes on.
4 adult girls and this was the most useful piece of information given to me.

Babies and toddlers love warm water so if they get themselves into a tiswas and can't calm down, run a warm bath and sit in it with baby or watch your toddler play for a while.
This was always my perfect reset for toddlers especially when they couldn't get a grip! I would give them a bath whatever time of day it was and it was a life saver. They would be unfailingly happy and relaxed afterwards.

Prepare for labour to hurt more than you thought was humanly possible. It really is brutal.

My advice would be to not ask for too much advice!
Every baby is different and you will get into your own routine, just go with the flow
You will learn to know your baby best and you will be a great mum!

I would disagree with the post above about labour. As far as that goes, just try and stay calm and don't be afraid to ask for whatever pain relief you need. It's obviously incredibly intense but can be a positive experience.

As far as motherhood goes, it's a cliché but just go with what works for you and your baby and be prepared to change long held opinions on how things should be done! Sleep is always a hot topic, so it might be worth thinking about what approach you'd prefer to take...do you want your baby to be sleeping independently in their cot asap or are you happy with co-sleeping long term? This will dictate the approaches you choose eg whether you feed your baby to sleep, or whether you try and encourage them to sleep independently early on etc.

My two labours weren’t terrible, I didn’t need pain relief, it’s different for everyone. Breast feeding however was hellish for me. Both times I only managed 3 weeks.

Don't share thoughts on your babies name with family or friends. As long as you and your partner agree on a name that’s all that’s needed. If you canvas for opinions you will be driven mad, also a friend might use the name before you (happened to me).

Congratulations BTW!

Congratulations!

The really useful pieces of advice I was given were:

1. Do up babygros by alternating left and right leg. That way you aren't left with a bunch of babygro and have to start all over again.
2. Avoid bibs with days of the week on them

A. The idea that 7 bibs will be enough soon becomes laughable B. The baby wearing Wednesday's bib on Sunday just adds to the general sense that everything feels chaotic. C. On the day you manage to put the right day's bib on the baby you will be freaked out

1. Never say never. That thing you said you would never do (dummies, formula etc) will be precisely the thing you turn to when your baby has been screaming for many hours solid in the wee small hours

Sleep takes precedence over housework.
If people offer help, accept it.
Don't be sucked into competitive parenting/birthing/breastfeeding/bottlefeeding/etc.. Do what is better for you and your baby.
Do not discuss names with anyone other than the baby's other parent. In fact, I found not settling on a name until the baby was born helped me.

You don't need fancy changing tables and changing bags and all the gimmicks for babies

Baby slings are genius

It's fine to have some days I the house you don't have to go to every single baby group and make a thousand friends

Muslins Muslins and more muslins

If you are on the smaller side you don't need nursing clothes if you are going to breastfeed a muslim works just fine and you can whip your top up or down

Trust your instincts. You can do this - you'll know your baby better than anyone.
Allow plenty of time to relax into breastfeeding. It can take time for the milk to come in, so don't worry about that. Enjoy every moment, even the crying ones - time passes more quickly than you can possibly imagine.

Start looking for pregnant friends.

Go to all the antenatal stuff and offer to create a WhatsApp group then you'll have someone to meet up with whilst on maternity leave.

Routine routine routine, its the only advice I've ever given to new mum friends and they've always been so grateful later on

If you're still working and have a bit of extra cash, stash odd £10 notes in jacket and coat pockets and handbags. You'll find them occasionally when you're less flush on maternity leave and it will brighten up your day.

Get your home completely sorted out by the time you are eight months. Get rid of all clutter so you have a tidy home that isn’t going to suffer if you get a bit behind in housework in the first week or so.

Don’t waste money on loads of gadgets and ‘stuff’, new babies need very little. Look at secondhand prams and avoid style over practicality.

If you have a lot of family and friends you can either not buy much baby clothing yourself as they will buy loads as gifts or you tell everyone in advance that you’ve bought the basics and would prefer x and y as gifts instead. Either way you don’t want to end up with lots of unworn baby grows that are quickly grown out of.

If you are not already assertive, start practicing otherwise you will find yourself having guests outstaying their welcome when they come to see the new baby. You can ask people to leave.

Once it’s ok to go out with the new baby, get out there! It’s great exercise to walk with a pram, especially if you can go somewhere nice like a park. Fresh air beats staying indoors every time!

If people visit don’t be afraid to get in with things and take advantage of them
being there and cooing over the baby.

Sleep when baby sleeps. Not every time but it’s great way to catch up with your sleep during the day after waking throughout the night to feed. I often took naps and didn’t feel particularly tired like my friends with babies who were knackered all the time because they didn’t nap during the day.

Don't compare your baby to anyone else’s baby. You will be told that ‘My Tarquin’ could tie his shoelaces at three months, so just ignore that and accept that babies are all unique individuals who develop at different times.

Congratulations! Everyone else has given good advice, so I'll just add..

Don't get sucked in by the insta mummies in a world where everything is so perfect. I'm so glad I had my babies before social media was so huge.

I think I'd feel massively insecure and have a whole heap of guilt if I couldn't have perfect backdrops, balloon arcs and an entertainer at my children's 1st, 2nd etc birthdays, Easter, valentine's day, gender reveal parties, baby showers and so on. Everything is done to excess now, and the pressure to look made up and amazing so soon after birth seems terrifying. I know for some, if it makes them feel good then of course - why not! But I think the pressure of perfection on the average new mother is scary these days.

Don't get drawn into all of the competitive parenting. Ignore the bragging parents, they are mostly talking shite and are very insecure (this doesn't stop after baby/toddlerhood btw so be prepared).

Equally, have self awareness and don't become a bragging parent either.

Just enjoy your baby, who will do everything in their own time and who may well become a child prodigy but also might just plod along like an average child but either way will be special and will be loved and will love you in return.

If your baby cries a lot just know it gets much much better at 3-4m.
All babies are different so never assume your baby will do what other babies do, just go with the flow of your baby.
Breastfeeding is very hard to start with and them becomes magical once you've both got the hang. It's definitely a learned skill tho, for both you and baby, so get help asap if you need. And if it's making you really unhappy, just switch to formula, and never ever feel guilty about it.
There's absolutely no chance of enjoying every second so try not to lose your shit when this is suggested after you've been up every hour 3n in a row and haven't showered for a week. Just try to note and enjoy those beautiful moments, they will come I promise!
Try to get out for a walk every day, get used to using a sling asap. Practice on a teddy.
Congratulations and best of luck!

Don't let having a baby turn you into a neurotic control freak. Family & friends (and yes Mil) will want to love your baby , express their love, buy things even give you advice. Accept it with grace it's coming from a good place.

See I'd say the exact opposite. Throw out all the expectations and just roll with it, would be my advice. Babies get themselves into routines in time.